Screenwriting Expo 6

Hey out there! For those of you who have an interest in the craft Screenwriting Expo 6 is coming up. This year it will be running from October 24th – 28th at the Marriott and Renaissance Hotels at the Los Angeles Airport. Here's the details... http://screenwritingexpo.com/about.html

The year that I went it was held at the Los Angeles Convention Center (very cool building by the way) next to the Staples Center just down the street from the Hotel Figueroa. I see it show up in movies, TV shows and commercials all the time. If you travel down the street just a little more to the left you’ll be in the same tunnel that Ridley Scott used for Blade Runner back in ’82.

But I digress…

If, by chance, you go I recommend sticking to the “Guests of Honor” section where you will hear from people who make their livings by writing. Conversely, it would behoove you, Gentle Writer, to only attend the classes that you have an interest in or really can’t find out in a book or on the internet. The classes that I took were all well and good but if you are a writer then you are going to write no matter what some self-proclaimed “expert” with no track record has to say on the subject and seriously, how many times can someone reiterate the importance of the “heroes journey”? I’m still having “Joseph Campbell” flashbacks.

Skip most of those classes for the others. The “Guests of Honor” are worth listening to. These are people who are willing to tell you their tales of navigating the industry and are generally there to answer your questions. This year includes William Goldman (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – Hearts in Atlantis – the Princes Bride), Steve Zaillian (Schindler’s List – Gangs of New York – Clear and Present Danger), Michael Goldenberg (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix – Peter Pan) and Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio (the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, The Mask of Zorro, Aladdin & Shrek). These people know what they are doing and are open to questions and conversation. I found this refreshing after sitting through a couple of classes. A few years ago my writing partner and myself spoke with Andrew Kevin Walker (Sev7en – Sleepy Hollow – The Wolfman [in pre-production]); he was accessible and amiable and patiently stayed after his presentation to answer all our questions.

Do go to the “Networking Parties” it’s an interesting experience meeting such a large group of people with the same twisted passion for writing. Be warned; however… this is L.A. and the land of make believe. Fiction is a staple in Southern California. Don’t unveil your master plan for the next summer blockbuster while at one of these parties. Don’t get too tainted by the laid back lifestyle. Don’t forget to stay focused, be friendly and don’t drink too much before you pitch your screenplay(s)… Just don’t.

Speaking of pitching… there’s “The Golden Pitch Tournament”. If you can get ticket(s) you will be purchasing 5 minutes of a studios time to hear an outline of your story. If they like what they hear they can option to buy your script. Of course they can also take your idea and steal it – this is L.A.; remember? Good. Never forget this.

But I digress.

The Pitchfest is always interesting to observe, writers will pimp themselves out just to make an impression. I know that the studios and production companies must really get a kick out of most of the writers that shake their hand and try to sell them their wares. It’s an exploitative town. Jay Leno has started interviewing some of the more eccentric screenwriters as they wait in line. It’s a funny bit that illustrates the fact that while all people can write not all people should. Still it makes me cringe a little; possibly it’s a little too close to home. One never knows, however, I have heard of some things being optioned but realize before going in the odds are pretty bad; still as one of my best friends always says, “You’ll miss 100% of the shots you never take”.

Their website states the following when it comes to the Pitches of 2007, “One room with up to 60 of Hollywood’s A-list producers, development executives, agents, and managers looking for new material. No other event will offer writers better access to the people and companies capable of setting your writing career in motion. We’ve provided the venue, all you need to do is bring your best ideas and polished pitches — this is your chance to gain representation, sell your idea and make career-changing contacts.”

The Pitchfest gave me a new and deep appreciation for Independent Filmmakers. But, as I’ve said, one never knows.

If you are in the area and you have an interest you should go. Keep your ears and eyes open, learn and have one of those $3.00 cups of coffee that they sell there on the veranda. The sun is always shining in Southern California and looks spectacular through the glass panels of the Convention Center or the Marriott and Renaissance Hotels at the Los Angeles Airport; I would imagine.

Good luck out there.

“Looks like another perfect day… I love L.A.”.

The Joys of Google Earth

I’ve been spending a lot of time playing around on Google Earth recently – do you know what I mean? If you’ve loaded the free program then you do; if you don’t know what it is or if you haven’t had the time to fire it up then please take heed. You’re about to fall in love with geography.

…No – Really…

Download the free version here: http://earth.google.com/.

Wikipedia (my favorite second brain) states this; “Google Earth is a virtual globe program that was originally called Earth Viewer and was created by Keyhole, Inc. It maps the earth by the superimposition of images obtained from satellite imagery, aerial photography and GIS (geographic information system) 3D globe.”

Install the program and explore. Start with familiar territory and move onto the fun stuff. Type in your address and fly in – you’ll be impressed. Take a look around the neighborhood and put those nagging feelings that there is no such thing as privacy aside and look at the bright shinny thing!

Oh Gentle Reader, what a bright and shinny thing this program is. The past three days I’ve been to dozens of places around the globe. Where? Well, I’ve been to the Valley of the Ten Peaks, Alberta Canada, Banff National Park, Alberta Canada; Peggy’s Cove, Halifax Nova Scotia, Canada; Urqhart Castle, torre, Loch Ness, United Kingdom; Cherry Plain State Park, NY; Muckle Flugga, UK’s most northerly headland and, of course, Area 51, Uninc Nye County, Nevada.

…But hey, that’s just me. The program actually has some wonderful suggestions on where to take tours under the “Sightseeing” folder. They’ve got Disneyworld, the White House, the Eiffel Tower, Christ the Redeemer in Brazil, the Imperial Palace in China and a bunch of others.

Mother Hen says that I’ve become downright voyeuristic ...like she didn’t know that already.

The world is now your playground, Gentle Reader; happy exploring!

A Band That Time Forgot…

Ladies and gentlemen, Gentle Reader’s included… I would like to mention a band from New Jersey, thank you very much, known as The Smithereens.

“Who?” you may ask.

THE SMITHEREENS.

What a great band!

They were shanghaied by grunge in the nineties but the classic beauty of their sound is still in existence. Please see: http://www.officialsmithereens.com/ for more info.

I have always seen this band as stuck in time. They are relevant (to yours truly) and beatnik at the same time. Electric Kerouac, baby – no doubt. The true joy of the Smithereens is having the eyes to see that. Wonderful guitar riffs, the timelessness, the wonderful lyrics – and they’re from Jersey!

Please… Check out “Top of the Pops” or “Blue Period.” Amazing music – at least for this out of time Beatnik.

Oh well, out of time and out of place… Check their site for tour dates. From what I’ve seen they are worth investigating.

… Walk on…

The "Open Artistic Studio Tour"

What’s that?

Good question – I didn’t know about it until lunchtime today. Basically on Saturday, October 13, from 11 – 6 PM over 30 local (to the Cumberland County area of New Jersey) artists are going to be opening their studios to the general public (you and me). I met one of the artists today, a lady named Meed Barnett who gave me the info and I though that I’d post it for anyone who may be interested. It would be a nice way to spend a Saturday and it would have that whole “Third Friday” vibe. Third Friday is a celebration in – of all places, downtown Millville, of artists and musicians. The local businesses stay open and it’s a worthwhile time to visit. There's a lot happening down there.

One of those businesses is Bogart’s Books. I couldn’t recommend Bogart’s Books & Coffee Shop (formally Wind Chimes Bookstore) higher. Great coffee, characters and all the used books you could ever want. For the record: Evil Chicken’s favorite bookstore in the known universe.

But I digress…

For more information on the Open Artistic Studio Tour check out this… http://openstudiotours.org/. Navigation is a little wonky but you’ll get the information if you’re persistent.

It should be fun. I’ll see you there. I’ll be the one with the Bogart’s coffee in my hand.

NaNoWriMo – The Return

Have you always wanted to write that book or novel but just never had the time to sit down and do it? Yeah? Well, November is coming and that means that National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is gearing up once more. You, Gentle Reader, are charged with the task of writing 50,000 words in 30 days – from 12:01 AM, November 1 to Midnight on November 30. That’s it; nothing else – nothing more. People walk into the month as would be storytellers and walk out of the month as NOVELISTS.

Not too shabby.

Bella Candy, a friend of yours truly, introduced me to NaNoWriMo about 4 years ago – I haven’t looked at the month of November the same way since. You won’t either. I got the following e-mail yesterday from Chris Baty (the guru of all things of NaNo and all around nice guy):

Dear NaNoWriMo author,

You know what time it is? Time for a novel-length email about things afoot at NaNoWriMo!

SIGN-UPS START OCTOBER 1; SITE LOCKED DOWN MONDAY 9/24
We'll be opening sign-ups for another noveling season late at night on October 1. Between now and then, all of the content on the current site will be archived, and the forums will be wiped clean for the 2007 event. All active NaNo accounts from last November will stay active, and Script Frenzy log-ins will work as well.

We'll be turning off sign-ins this Monday so we can have a week of thing-resetting and something-migration that Russ swears is very important we do without anyone hanging around the site watching us. We will miss you that week, but we'll be reunited in October, and we can share stories of our time apart then.

YEAR OF BIG, FUN, SCARY ADVENTURES COMING TO A CLOSE
At the end of the last NaNo, I invited everyone to join me in publicl y posting a couple big, fun, scary goals for the new year. Then we went after those goals like otters on lutefisk, and kept a progress log of it all in the NaNo forums.You can see what kinds of amazingly scary goals people set for themselves (and pulled off!) here:www.nanowrimo.org/modules/newbb/viewforum.php?forum=359

Officially the YoBFSA comes to a close when NaNoWriMo 2007 begins. If you are a YoBFSA participant who has achieved one of your goals by then, please let us know by sending an email to info@nanowrimo.org with the subject line: BFS Winner. We'll email you a certificate in October to commemorate your achievement. My big, fun, scary adventure? I set out to learn basic Spanish and work on my radio production skills. Did I earn the certificate? You better believe it---I'm even a proud graduate of Piedmont Adult School's Spanish 1A class. My radio pr oduction skills: still ailing. But it's a start!

OCTOBER: IT'S CALLED BETA FOR MANY REASONS
We're going to be implementing a bunch of new things this year to help get the site ready for a freakishly superpowered future. These include an entirely new back-end system, a new server, and new Author Profile pages (more on this below). Some or all of these things will break spectacularly and immediately upon launch. We will hurry to fix them. They will break in different ways. We will fix them again. This will last most of October.

NEW AUTHOR PROFILE PAGES!
So you know those beautiful gray book-like author profile pages with the turning pages we've had on the site for the past three years? We're saying goodbye to them this week.

I know, I know. The design was so beautiful and sleek it made us weep. But as nice as it looked, it caused us a lot of problems, financial and otherwise. The system was built by a genius designer/pr ogrammer who created it in such a complicated way that most professional Flash programmers wouldn't touch it. Which meant every time something broke or needed an update, we had to hire a Flash Yoda who charged us Jedi-level hourly rates. Last year, adding a "Winner 2006" image to the winners' photos, changing a few text labels, and adding a European character set cost us $2000.

That made us weep too, but for different reasons. The other problem was that the tidy, magical books are very hard to slip new features into without a major overhaul. Which is bad because we receive dozens of great Author Profile page feature suggestions from participants every year, and we also have tons of our own ideas for new things we want to integrate into the pages.

We'd like comment-able novel excerpts, customizable participant blogs with room for audio and video, in-dash Twittering, an "encouragement capsule" where friends and family can uploa d morale-boosting messages to be released to writers when they hit certain word-count goals, and a billion more things.

As a first step towards a future where we can easily add new modules to the AP pages, we'll be launching a much more expandable system on October 1. It's clean and pretty, and over the course of the next year---knock on fundraising wood---we'll be able to add the exciting new features and powers you've been requesting. Once in place, those cool new functions will make the current Author Profile pages look gray and lifeless by comparison.

MORE CELEBRITY PEP TALKERS REVEALEDIn case you missed the announcement in the last newsletter, we're going to have some extraordinary help writing the pep talks we email out to participants in November. In the last email, I revealed that NaNo 2007 authors would be receiving a pep talk from none other than novelist Sue Grafton.

Now I'm here to unveil the identities of thr ee more of this year's NaNoWriMo pep talkers. They are...drum roll please...the ferocious Garth Nix! The fantastic Naomi Novik! And the awesome Neil Gaiman!

Yep. These writers have all answered the no-pressure-at-all call to inspire 100,000 authors in various states of noveling exaltation and despair with their kind words. We actually have eight pep talkers signed on for this year, but Tavia has asked me to wait until the site relaunches to share the identities of the other four. Which I've agreed to do. But one of them is Tom Robbins.

Oops. See?

This is why I shouldn't be in charge of these things.

YOUNG WRITERS ON THE GROW; ROOM TO READ PARTNERSHIP RETIRING
Did you know we run two events in November? There's NaNoWriMo, which you're already familiar with. And then there's the completely separate Young Writers Program, over at http://ywp.nanowrimo.org. Where kids 12-and-under and K-12 classrooms taking part as a group enjoy their own private creative mayhem. Authors in the YWP get to pick their own word counts, and they receive extensive curriculum, activities, games, YWP participant and winner certificates, private forums, and a VIP lounge for teachers. We also mail a free poster, progress chart, button pack, and sticker bundle to the classrooms to help incite noveling in the students. The whole thing has gone a little bonkers in the last couple years, growth-wise. Last year, we had 15,000 kids and teens take part. That number will likely double this year.

That’s the very good news. The bad news is that we don't have enough money to host NaNoWriMo and the Young Writers Program and continue our Libraries in Southeast Asia project.

Donating 50% of our net proceeds from donations and merchandise sales so Room to Read can build libraries on our behalf has given thousands of kids in Cambodia, Laos, and Vie tnam the chance to fall in love with reading. But now we want to take the next step, and help kids around the world fall in love with writing. And to do that, we need to start putting 100% of our resources into our own programs.

Happily, Room to Read is doing great. They were a tiny start-up when we first met them, but they've since mushroomed into a global philanthropic powerhouse, raising over $1,000,000 per month in donations. Go Room to Read!

Since becoming a nonprofit ourselves last year, we've struggled to find the funds we need to keep the doors open and servers humming year-round for NaNoWriMo, Script Frenzy, Young Writers Programs. With every dollar as precious as it is, we want to focus the donations we receive on what we do best: Hosting life-changing writing adventures for kids and adults.

We hope you'll join us in that goal by making a donation to NaNoWriMo when the site opens in October. We also hope that those who loved our L ibraries in Southeast Asia project will continue to support Room to Read directly through their website, www.roomtoread.org.

EMAIL HAS GONE ON TOO LONG, AS ALWAYS
So true. So true.See you on the site in October!

Chris
NaNoWriMo

So, there’s the long and the short of it. For your convenience, Gentle Writer, I have the link listed under Evil Chicken’s Favorite Places. I hope you consider it and all of its organized chaos – it’s a challenge but I know it can be done.

So get to it! November’s not that far away (believe it or not).

All That You Can’t Leave Behind

…No – not just the title of U2’s tenth album… This thought occurred to me tonight while I was flipping burgers in the dark on a picnic table.

BTW –, and I don’t say this lightly or boastfully, my burgers ROCK.

Any way and back on topic… the thought occurred to me just what are the things that I can’t leave behind? What are the things that I cannot do without at this juncture in time? Make no mistake, time has a way of making what is so important now into piles of flotsam and jet some in the near to near future – future. Dare I say the dual processor laptop that you treasure will be obsolete next week? Pssh, but you know that already… It’s just the way of things.

Things. That’s almost all they are, right – souvenirs of moments past – reminders of another time in which you happened to share between the moment and yourself. Hey, I’m not pointing fingers; Lord knows I’ve got ‘em too. Believe me it doesn’t take too long to look around the room that I’m typing this in and realize the Evil Chicken’s has a weird collection of things around him while he writes. It’s true. I do. The oddities that surround me have only significance to me. If you were to ask me why I had a certain item here in the Chicken’ s Roost I’d probably tell you but you would quickly lose interest. Therefore, I will not bore you with the rest of the gory details. Many of the oddities around me are completely selfish in nature, like the rock from Centralia PA or the one I found on the Appalachian Trial here in North Jersey (did you know that there is about 75 miles of the AT here in New Jersey, Gentle Reader? Well, I’ve climbed that mountain and the only souvenir that I took was a rock. Amazing experience – you should try it, BTW.)

So, like I said, as I was flipping burgers this very evening, the thought occurred to me that they were all just things; material goods that only I know the significance or value of. That’s it, nothing more. When I’m gone my children will all say Dad was crazy for the things that he collected - and they will be right. Let’s cut to the point here; as I look around this room and consider the things that I would want to save in case Rancho Del Evil Chicken is hit by a meteor I come up with this quick list…

1. The compass from the Half Shell, my father’s boat. Why? – It was dad’s boat - all I have now is the compass.

2. My NCC-1701 Enterprise ornament from Hallmark. Why? – Well it was the only present I received the year that Mother Hen and I first got an apartment together. I got her a coffee grinder.

3. My “Raiders of the Lost Ark” one sheet. Why? – It’s one of my favorite movies of all time and Mother Hen gave it to me.

4. The Size Chart hanging on my door. Why? – I can see how much my children have grown over the years. I would hate to lose this.

5. My framed and autographed Weird NJ issue 25. Why? – I’m in it and it was the second time that I met the Marks (Mark Moran and Mark Sceurman that is).

6. My framed and autographed Peter Laird issue of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” Volume II, Number 1. Why? – As I told the man himself back in 2003, the guy's an amazing success story and illustrates to me what can be accomplished with a little imagination and hard work.

7. My burlap Griffin. Huh? – I won it by putting a cross bolt arrow through the heart of another griffin all the while being told by people who knew me that I couldn’t do it. It’s a keeper.

8. The external hard drive downstairs. This one has ALL the pictures.

9. My postcard collection. Why? – Well I’ve been to some nice spots (by my reckoning) and have amassed an interesting collection of postcards along the way. I’d hate to see ‘em go.

10. My laptop would be nice but I’ve got everything backed up off property anyway. If the meteor hits Evil Chicken’s nest I’ll be up in no time; novels, screenplays, short stories, blogs and writings will be intact. At the end of the day, Gentle Reader, things are all they are – most of which only having significance to yours truly. I’d be quite happy knowing that the Three Chicks, Mother Hen and yours truly were safe. I just thought it would be fun to share the short list.

So, what are the things that you would take with you?

9/11 – Six Years Hence

It was a beautiful day. I was at work at a cube farm that I had just transferred to, sitting in a sterile conference room when a lady passes through and told me that a plane had hit the World Trade Center. “How big a plane?” I asked. I had a passing thought about that small plane that hit the Empire State Building about 50 years ago.

“Oh, I don’t know.” She answered, “Pretty weird, huh?” She shuffled out the door on her way to make a batch of copies for some unknown file somewhere.

There were no TVs inside the cube farm. Radio reception was spotty at best so I left the conference room and sought out a friend of mine who I knew was a news junkie and man of all media (let’s call him Pax Romano). Pax was attempting to get a decent signal from his radio by adjusting the antenna and dial. He must have sensed my presence. He glanced over his shoulder and asked, “Do you believe this?”

“What do you got?” I asked as the two of us huddled around his radio. He began explaining what had happened, that it wasn’t a small plane – that it didn’t sound like an accident. I remember that another co-worker and friend (let’s call her Zelda Parker) joined us at his cube she was one of the people training me in my new position. The three of us heard the announcement that a second plane had hit the other tower. The creeping fear that this was an attack instead of an accident was confirmed in our minds. We just stared at each other with looks of disbelief on our faces as we listened on.

I had to retrieve my work from the conference room and rendezvoused over at Zelda Parker’s cubical. She too had a small radio and had managed to find a decent signal. I called my wife, Mother Hen waking her up in the process. I told her to turn on the television and brought her up to speed on the unfolding events. I needed to talk to her just to touch base with some constant in my life. I told her that I loved her and went back to listening to the radio with Zelda. We listened to anything we could – desperately gathering information as it came over the radio. Mother Hen called and told me that the Pentagon had been hit. I passed this along to Zelda. Once more I told my wife that I loved her and returned to listening to the radio with Zelda. We heard that United 93 went down somewhere in PA and we were there listening when the first tower fell. “This is not good.” Zelda said.

I looked at her, agreeing without saying anything. “Zelda, I’ve got to find a television. I’m going to Wal-Mart.” I said. The Wal-Mart was across the street. And that’s what I did. When I exited the cube farm I looked skyward and was struck by the fact that there was nothing to be seen. No air traffic whatsoever. It was all shut down – from coast to coast.

The world would never again be the same.

Wal-Mart failed me. They did not have any live feed in the store. The first video that I saw was later in the afternoon while Zelda and I were at a field visit down in Wildwood Crest. We stared in slack jawed and terrible wonder.

Certain moments in time always have resonance; the Kennedy assassination the space shuttle blowing up and 9/11. They are part of our shared collective unconscious. 9/11 should never be forgotten. 3,000 lives ended that day in the only attack on American soil in my lifetime. Blind agendas, no matter what they claim to be, are dangerous. Osama Bin Laden has friends – that’s why he hasn’t been captured or killed. There are people out there actively planning what the where’s, why’s and how’s of the next attack will be. Life in the twenty-first century now means being ready (or at least as ready as possible). Always being vigilant and walking around with one’s eyes open has become one of our most important defenses. It pays to be observant these days.

So on this anniversary I humbly whisper a prayer for the future and remember three thousand people who were just going about their everyday business on 9/11, six years prior only to be murdered by the madness of a blind agenda of hatred spawned half a world away. …Everyday people like you and I Gentle Reader – just like you and I. Who knew that we were so hated, so feared? I didn’t. I do now but prior to 9/11, I was blissfully unaware of the many thousands of people who were plotting to kill me – me; a humble infidel – no not a person or human being with thoughts or feelings or aspirations mind you – an infidel. Infidels are easier to kill than human beings are. It’s less messy that way – after being indoctrinated and everything.

Que Sara Sara. We live in interesting times, Gentle Reader; interesting times indeed. Enough about psyche; this blog is about memorializing a moment in time.

…So where were you when the towers fell?

I AM IRONMAN

They couldn’t have chosen a better Tony Stark.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/ironman/

It is a good time to be a geek.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Say Evil Chicken – what do you like on the radio?

Ah Gentle Reader, I can say with no stutter or doubt in my mind; NOT MUCH. I made mention of my dislike (disdain is more like it) for broadcast top 40 radio in general (see “DON’T TOUCH ME!” 6/30/07). I said that these days I am into talk radio; specifically New Jersey 101.5 (97.3 if you’re in the Swamps of South Jersey) here in the Garden State. While this holds true I’ve had the good fortune of discovering a few things on the radio that I have as presets. With I hint of OCD I like to keep the stations from lowest to highest – ascending order. So let’s press button # 1

Preset 1, I owe to two wonderful ladies; Bella Candy and Zelda Parker, they both highly recommended (and I highly agree) WXPN 88.5 FM as Wikipedia says is a “public radio station operated by the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia.” The call letters stand for “Experimental Pennsylvania Network” and they play adult album alternative music or, in other words, this is where the musicians have found a harbor and the melody still means something. Good stuff.

Preset 2, the mighty New Jersey 101.5 FM (which is 97.3 in my neck of the woods and therefore preset # 2). Dennis and Judy and now the new version of “The Jersey Guys” in the afternoons with Ray Rossi and Casey Bartholomew make the day move along. For those of you who are wondering whatever happened to Craig Carton, he has taken over for Don Imus in New York leaving New Jersey for greener pastures and Ray Rossi and the rest of the crew behind. “Casey” is his replacement and, so it goes, the same man that Carton replaced back in 2002; is filling in until the next Jersey Guy is found.

Preset 3, WPOV Calvary Chapel of Vineland, The Vine 99.9 FM, is contemporary Christian radio; great music and teaching. I dig it and find it refreshing. When it comes to walking the straight and narrow I need all the help I can get. Give it a shot; it’s worth checking out.

Preset 4, WMGK 102.9 is a classic rock format that is quite familiar to anyone who has grown up here in the Delaware Valley over the last 30 or so years. Many of the DJs did their rounds on the great stations of the seventies and eighties such as John DeBella, Debbi Calton and Andre Gardner. For me this has been and always will be the sound of Philadelphia.

Preset 5, WRFF Radio 104.5 FM is alternative rock – the stuff that you will not hear on top 40. Beastie Boys to the White Stripes and most things that you wouldn’t expect on the radio in between. It’s not as peaceful as WXPN but sometimes that’s just what you (or at least yours truly does) want; eclectic alternative music that you beat your steering wheel like a drum kit to. This station has made me feel younger than I am these days.

That’s it. No more presets on Evil Chicken’s radio.

Happy Listening!

Second Chances (and Why I'm Not a Sports Guy)

I’m not a sports guy. I think this is due to the fact that I was part of a generation of people with a hip disorder (Legg-Calve-Perthes) that, at the time, was treated with casting and immobilization; in other words, Gentle Reader, yours truly was in leg casts for three months and a leg brace for nine. I missed some school and when I did go back I could only get onto “the short bus”. Yes – THAT short bus. The other children would line up to watch their new quadruped (two splayed legs and a pair of crutches) classmate descend via a hydraulic lift and inquire, “Are you retarded?” No big deal, although to this day I wonder why they continued ask every single day I arrived as if expecting my answer to change. Every now and then I’d switch up.

“Are you retarded?”

“Yeah, I’m feeling a little retarded today. Tomorrow’s looking a little better though.”

Good times… good times.

Break out the violins? Nope, I view that time as something that truly shaped my life. You see even when I was able to get out of the braces I still required the crutches. After the crutches were gone I was not allowed to participate in gym class and I was never allowed to participate in organized sports. Not only did this give me the Rubenesque physique I have today but it taught me early insight into human nature of both those around me and my own. The experience taught me how to escape and to get lost in books and in movies. Hey, I couldn’t participate in organized sports but I could go toe to toe with anyone when it came to the concept of the construct of a story or a film.

Behold the birth of a Geek! Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.

But enough about me. I tell you this tale because I think that Michael Vick should be allowed to return to the NFL. Yep, that’s right; he should return to playing football. Why? Well, I liked what he said in the apology (I’m gonna paraphrase since it’s a sports report and for reasons already mentioned – ergo it’s not my bag) about being sorry for the inhumanity and for letting down so many children who look up to a guy like him. He also said something about paying his debt and reiterated that he was sorry. R.L.White said, "As a society, we should aid in his rehabilitation and welcome a new Michael Vick back into the community without a permanent loss of his career in football We (NAACP’s Atlanta chapter) further ask the NFL, Falcons, and the sponsors not to permanently ban Mr. Vick from his ability to bring hours of enjoyment to fans all over this country."

I like the concept of second chances.

A friend of mine has desperately wanted to run with the bulls in Pampalona Spain for the last twenty years or so. One of these days he’ll get there. He wants to participate in an event that traces it’s roots back to the 13th century. It has become a major part of the culture of the region. Once the bulls are run from the pen to the stadium the majority of them are killed. Bullfighting is big in Spain. It certainly got a shot in the arm when Hemingway wrote, “The Sun Also Rises”.

In South/East Asia, Pakistan, the Philippians, India, Mexico, Venezuela & other parts of South America and the Caribbean cock fighting is accepted as commonplace entertainment; again going back thousands of years. The founding fathers George Washington and Thomas Jefferson enjoyed the sport right here in the United States. Irish and the English brought over their favorite fighting breeds. It was illegal in 49 states until June 27, 2007, when the Louisiana legislature voted to ban cockfighting. The last domino fell. Now it is completely underground. Deemed a crime by our culture.

Speaking of the good ole’ U.S. of A, how about dog racing, horse racing, hunting, fishing and (let us cross another line and throw human’s into the mix) Boxing. These are all sports where a living thing is used, victimized or brutalized – no? Now of all of them I’d have to say that the one that involves HUMAN BEINGS is the scariest. Chickens (present company excluded), dogs, horses, deer and fish just don’t hold as much weight for yours truly. When a boxer dies in the ring it gets my attention in a way that a chicken does not. A human is dead. It resonates on my conscience more.

This is not to say that I endorse dog or cock fighting, I find them both too brutal a spectacle where everyday survival and living are brutal enough fights. I don’t hunt but have no problem with those who do. I enjoy venison. Would I run with the bulls? No. I’m a coward; besides someone has to hold the camera. I’ve never bet on a dog race but this is probably due to the fact that I have no idea where the nearest stadium is. I think the Three Chicks would love it (although I’m still perplexed at how tiny the jockeys must be). Fishing? Please – I’m from down the shore, I grew up fishing and crabbing. Horse racing? Before the Atlantic City Racetrack practically closed I LOVED having a cheep cigar in one hand and a racing form in the other.

Good times… good times.

Evil Chicken – just what are you getting at? Well what can we take from this gentle reader? You now know why I’m not a sports fan, that I believe after Michael Vick has done his sentence he should be allowed to play again in the NFL, that I enjoy Wikipedia way too much for my own good and you could say my favorite sports revolve around things that I can either bet on or eat.

Yeah, that’s about right.

BTW, I don’t count Geocaching as a sport – it’s more of a pastime; although we do eat well.

Populous

56,271 Vineland NJ

31,473 Bangor ME

22 million, NY City

162,683, South Philly PA

5.8 million, Philadelphia PA

79,589, Monroe County FL., the Florida Keys

3,849,378, Los Angeles CA

709,893, Austin TX

1.2 million (post Katrina) New Orleans LA

4,034 year rounders, 100,000 seasonals, Cape May NJ

271,015, Atlantic City NJ (including Ventnor, Margate and Long Port)

185,951, Orlando FL

7,173, Ocean City Maryland

582,454, Seattle Washington (3.3 million metorpolitan)

My my my… Where to relocate after hitting the lottery? Goodness… the possiblities are endless.

Ready for some confessions? I hate people but I’m passionate about individuals. Yep, yours truly is at his heart of hearts someone who wants no neighbors and is, therefore, able to flip burgers in his underwear on the ole’ Webber grill. NOTE; the underwear is still a caveat since the three chicks are still in the nest. When they are in college naked BBQ is in my future.

Life is good. But I digress.

I compiled the above list because I felt like it. You see, I’m from the swamps of New Jersey and I live in a little hamlet of only about 7,436 souls and I find it interesting that the nearby metropolis of Vineland NJ has more of a populace then Steven King’s hometown of Bangor Maine and that Philly PA, where one of the three chicks had major spinal surgery is only the fifth largest city in the good ole’ U.S. of A. South Philly (EC’s favorite section) is outnumbered by Austin TX., almost 6 to 1! Yowsa.

Interesting demographics, no?

I post this only for your consideration, Gentle Reader. I hope you enjoy the data!

Time is the Fire

So Evil Chicken – whatever happened to that Bradbury Challenge of yours – you remember that don’t you? You were going to write 52 short stories in a year. What’s the deal?

Now there’s an interesting question. It has been said that “time is the fire in which we burn”. Brother, ain’t it the truth. There never is enough time. I’ve got 99 projects in my mind at any given moment – maybe that’s an exaggeration; 92 is more like it. I’m always moving from one thing to the next, rapid succession – you set ‘em up and I’ll knock ‘em down. I’ve got ideas but I’ve also got ADD and am prone to be captivated by bright and shinny objects.

The simple truth is that The Bradbury Challenge is not finished. I continue to love writing short stories but my first compilation is not done yet.

I’ll let you know when it is.

Most recently my time has been devoted to another project that I really can’t go into too much detail in right now. But that too has succumbed to the ravages of time. Gentle reader, I’ll fill you in when the time is right and now ain’t that time.

So… what’s next?

Good question Gentle Reader. I do believe that you’ll be seeing me a great deal more than you have grown accustom to. Also I have unfinished business to attend to. The Bradbury Challenge awaits (as well as a novel and the unnamed project).

What can I say – I’m a hack. But I’m a hack with a good memory. It’s put up or shut up time for ole’ Evil Chicken. I’ve got the ideas but I need to work on my follow through. It’s time to dance.

That being said I’m adapting one of my short stories “No Returns” into a screenplay. I think it would make a good short film. Once that’s done I’ll start peddling it.

Hey, no problem – it’s just another idea…

The Rumors of my Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated.

Words quietly uttered; whispers on the wind.

Has Evil Chicken deserted the Nest? Is it possible that he’s found greener pastures or perhaps been taken into captivity? Is there no balm in Gilead?

Gentle Reader, I beg your forgiveness. I have been away tending to pressing matters that (one day) I will share with you. Until then know that Evil Chicken is alive, well and happy. There has been much Pandemonium recently but it is all good.

By way of travel, most recently the EC-5 attended a photo shoot in front of the Aletsch Glacier. It was like the one in Mexico City a few months back. Once again I’m the one in the third row about eight people deep from the lower right hand corner of the picture.

I don’t know if it will help global warming but I can say that it was a cold day in Aletsch!

Talk to you soon.

Pilgrimage to Mecca

One day, Gentle Reader – one day I too will make the journey to the holy of holies of all geekdom the Mecca of pop culture the San Diego Comic Con International.

http://www.comic-con.org/

It’s happening right now out in California and one day I’m gonna be there. This is the 900 lb. Gorilla of ALL. If you have any interest in comics, writing, drawing, filmmaking or appreciating any of the aforementioned then this is where the buck stops. Someday I too will make the pilgrimage. That day however, was not today and the weekend is looking iffy. I’ll just have to comfort myself with reports that are coming in from all over the internet. As it turns out Steven Spielberg, Harrison Ford, Karen Allen had a teleconference with a roomful of rabid fanboys and media types, part of the cast (including two Spocks – yes one is Leonard Nimoy) were on hand to field questions, the cast of LOST & 4400, voice actors, writing & filmmaking workshops and the revelation of the cast of the WATCHMEN.

Let’s let that sink in a moment… the WATCHMEN. For those of you who understand the magnitude of that statement know that the work is in good hands – Zack Snyder is at the helm. For those of you who do not, please forgive a little fanboy raving… the WATCHMEN is going to be on the big screen and handled by the same man responsible for 300. For those of you who may think that a comic book undeserves of such veneration please note that Time magazine named WATCHMEN one of the top 100 modern novels since 1923. Amazing stuff that changed an industry and the way people viewed comic books.

Yeah so all this stuff happened on Friday – the weekend is just getting started. It’s a good time to be a geek.

Two out of the three chicks are very interested in sequential storytelling and video game design. Such a venue would be invaluable to them as well. My goal is to be able to legitimately write off the trip to the next San Diego Comic Con International on my taxes due to normal business expenditures.

One just never knows.

Harry Potter – SPOILER FREE

When was the last time you saw people children and adults alike salivate for a book to be released? Yes, that’s right – a BOOK; in this day and age. And what an age it is… DVD’s, the mindless onslaught of television & media, video games, cell phones, MP3 players and the vast expanse of the internet while indispensable to our world in this day and age have pandered to our short attention span lifestyles. I find it awesome that a book - just words on a page can still command and captivate the world’s attention.

The story is alive no matter what format it takes; in the case of J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter – the story is served in the form of a seven volume series of novels. Book seven “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” was released on July 21, 2007, and we (the Evil Chicken 5 [-1] and another member of our family who lives in New York – Bat Monkey) were there at 12:01 AM, to watch the event unfold. The local Boarders had a Harry Potter Party. They had sold 1,200 advanced copies of the book all of them with color coated wrist straps (ours was silver) showed up at once. This is why we were there to be caught up in the magic of the evening to share the release of the LAST EVER excursion to Hogwarts to witness the great debate of just where Professor Snape’s allegiances lie, the costume contest and to see who would win the autographed poster of the newest and last ever Harry Potter cover. Sure I could buy it at Wal-Mart tomorrow but why? We were surrounded on all sides by people who have been seduced and captivated by the literature of the day and literature is the right word. Gentle Reader we may pass through time but Harry Potter is now timeless taking his rightful place next to Gandalf the Grey, Gandalf the White and Merlin – still speaking in a literary frame mind you. There will never be another and we were there to participate in the festivities and to watch it unfold. Possession of a silver wrist band ensured that you were part of the second major wave of individuals to purchase their copy of the book.

We were out of the store at about 12:40 in the morning, books in hand and eager to read. Mother Hen and Bat Monkey stayed up to about 5:00 AM reading their copies; both of them finished the text within about 12 hours. Such was not the case with yours truly. I’m a slower reader than they are and I finished it yesterday.

Wow.

I’m not going to say if Harry lives or dies or comment on the body count but I can say that print is not dead and because of that the world is a much more magical place. If you are so inclined to do so read the entire series – you will not be disappointed. J.K. Rowling has proven herself to be so much more than meets the eye. Now she too has gained literary immortality and it is justly deserved.

Mischief Managed.

The Live Earth Concert

I remember watching the first “Live Aid” famine relief concert for Ethiopia on MTV way back in nineteen hundred and eighty five. The main broadcast was split between two main venues; Wembley Stadium in London and the late, JFK Stadium in Philadelphia. As Wikipedia tells me, “it was the largest-scale satellite link-ups and television broadcasts of all time: an estimated 1.5 billion viewers, across 100 countries, watched the live broadcast. As previously stated, I was one of them.

I couldn’t get tickets to be there personally – what can I say, lack of funds.

Fast forward to 2007, NOW (just as I’m typing this) the “Live Earth – Concerts for a Climate in Crisis” is in progress. The Dave Mathews Band just went on stage at Meadowlands Stadium in New Jersey (although the world only knows it as “New York”). This is big. It promises to beat out “Live Aid” as the new 900-pound gorilla of mega concerts. Live Earth is being broadcast via live video streaming on MSN (http://www.liveearth.org/) from Australia, Japan, China, Germany, the United Kingdom, Washington DC, South Africa, “New York” and Brazil. The amazing thing about the MSN coverage is that you can switch to whatever live feed you desire with the click of a button. I saw Linkin Park in Japan, UB40 in South Africa and now, The Dave Mathews Band in “New York”. Check it out if you can – pretty neat. The Police are going on sometime tonight in “New York” – it should be great.

I couldn’t get tickets to be there personally – what can I say, lack of funds.

But Evil Chicken… what about the cause – how do you feel about that? Ah, gentle reader, once again you know just the right question to ask. Since that is the case I recommend that you check this out: http://evilchickenscratch.blogspot.com/2006/04/price-of-complacency.html.

Enjoy the show and switch off the light on your way out of the room.

And Now for Something Completely Different

http://www.thesurrealist.co.uk/slogan.cgi

Mother Hen found this & I thought I'd pass it along... It’s a slogan generator. The lovely young lady displays your slogan once it’s generated.

Have fun!

DON’T TOUCH ME!

I’m a fan of New Jersey 101.5. It’s a talk radio station here in the Garden State. I’m at a point in my life where I prefer talk radio to the mass-produced corporate product that passes as music these days that top 40 radio stations continue to spit out. Just whatever happened to musicians who actually played an instrument and could make a harmony? It will come back, I’m sure but until then I’m hooked on talk radio.

I’m not so much a fan of the morning drive but come 10:00 AM, my radio is usually set for the Dennis and Judy Show. The same can be said for 2:00 PM, when the Jersey Guys, Craig Carton and Ray Rossi hit the airwaves.

Anyway, I don’t always agree with them (either show) but I am always entertained and informed on the goings on in the state that I call home.

I added a new link that has become a Panic Button for me lately. I find if I just click on the “DON’T TOUCH ME!” I feel better. It is from the Dennis and Judy Show. You can click on the link right here to your right under Evil Chicken’s Favorite Places. Not fer nothin’, you’ll feel better too.

Joel Siegel has Passed

Here is the Yahoo story: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070630/ap_en_mo/obit_joel_siegel_18;_ylt=AsS0nsvB3Ac0EdYZxyttNsME1vAI and here is the ABC write-up: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=3331709.

This struck me this morning when I read of his passing. What a loss. He was accessible, genuine and had such joy about him as he shared his passion for film with the rest of us. The way he faced life and death is not only a lesson for Dylan it’s a lesson for us all.

My sincere prayers and condolences to both his family & friends at this time of grieving. He was one of the good ones and he’ll be missed.

I’ve been crazy busy…

17,000 words plus on the screenplay, thus far; (see Script Frenzy link to the right). My writing partner has been great and we have slipped into a very natural working relationship. It's a good thing and it’s rocking. But that’s not what I wanted to pass along to you Gentle Reader… No. As it turns out I wanted to drop a tidbit about the “Iron Man” movie that will be coming out next year…

It’s a good one.

Samuel L. Jackson is going to be Nick Fury.

Yeah… more perfect casting there has never been (looking at Ultimate Avengers that is). I am torked for this flick. Then again I’m also stoked for Indiana Jones IV and “Batman – The Dark Knight.” …Have you seen the publicity shots? Entirely too cool.

2008 is looking very good.

All right, I’ve got to get back to typing.

Take care!

389.6

…Miles that is. It is the distance from The Chicken’s Nest, here in the Swamps of Jersey to Assateague Island, Maryland and back give or take a few miles for pit stops and Starbucks runs. This has become a family tradition for us. Every Father’s Day we camp on the beach with the wild ponies and go to the Maryland Geocachers Association’s Bonfire on the Beach. The fires and ponies are all well and good but the real crazy stuff happens when the girls and me hit the beach. You see Gentle Reader, the waves there are not like the waves that we are accustom too down here at the southern end of the Jersey Shore – oh no; these are WAVES and they will take you out. Somewhere down deep there is a gene that pulls me (and the three chicks too) to water. It is magnetic. Being in and ultimately a part of the shear force and energy of the ocean is an amazing experience. Being caught up in an 8 to 12-foot wave, riding the swell like a cork as it passes you by on its way to break against the beach is something that just must be experienced to truly appreciate. What an undertow! We read about the riptides but didn’t experience any – which I am pleased about since being caught in one could sweep you out hundreds of yards into the Atlantic Ocean. No – none of us are that good a swimmer so we just play in the waves. We absolutely love it.

The campsite was great and we shared it with friends from New Jersey – geocachers and friends all. As a family the five of us camp in a tent usually without electricity or water, but this year we had the luxury of having an electric site, which was great since I could plug in my C-Pap and breath through the night.

Oh yeah, good times.

My early Father’s Day present, Maggie (a dash mounted Magellan GPS unit), performed amazingly once again. Mother Hen can now sleep without me asking when our next turn will be; that’s a good thing since she got a pretty good sun poisoning on her leg and did a lot of sleeping on the ride home. Come to think of it, she’s sleeping now as I write this.

The kids and I, after packing, took one last look at the ocean. I stood there with my babies and thanked them for such a wonderful Father’s Day weekend. Priceless.

Thanks also go to the wonderful woman I married. I would have told her on the beach too but she was busy applying aloe to her blistered and weeping leg.

Good times, good times.

I love you lady.

Signed; the luckiest man alive, Evil Chicken

Happy Father’s Day

My writing partner and I are well underway on the Script Frenzy project. June we write it, July we edit, August we film, September we edit (the film this time) and October we will be premiering the movie. I see the film as “Deliverance” meets “Blair Witch”. It focuses on the misadventures of a group of poker buddies who get caught up in a series of events in the Pine Barrens in between the forces of good and of evil.

It’s happening. No kidding.

If there’s anyone out there who wants to be in a movie, have a good time and probably some coffee and donuts STAY TUNED. Understand that it’s not a paying gig. My partner and I can’t pay you dime one BUT we can say that you will walk away from the experience being able to say that YOU were an actor in a film that can be purchased on DVD and is registered with the Library of Congress; that's right YOU will be able to say that YOU are an actor - and really mean it. Yes Gentle Reader, it will be coming soon.

Just let me know. You can do so right here. If August is good for you – wonderful; we’d love to have you aboard. It will be quick and reasonably painless. : ) ...Resonably.

In other news... The EC-5 are heading down to Assategue Island to camp on the beach with the wild horses. We’ve done this now for the last 4 or 5 years or so and it’s a blast. We’ve seen the horses raid campsites and let me tell you it’s not easy trying to shoo a 600-pound animal away from a box of gram crackers when it’s got a mind for snacking. The ocean is wonderful. The waves are bigger and the water clarity is better than here in New Jersey – although, to be fair the clarity has improved greatly in our water over the last decade or so. It’s also the Maryland Geocacher’s Bonfire on the Beach. Nice people – big fire, good times.

It should be a blast. I won’t be bringing the laptop since getting sand in it and having it not working would bring me to tears. The next phase of the script will be hand written so that I can transfer it over to proper script format when my laptop and I are reunited.

…And it will feel so good.

The kids have already given me my cards and I was given a roof sack (?) for gear, which is on the truck and ready to rock. I am blessed with, dare I say, the three best girls in the world and the woman who gave them to me. For them I thank the Man upstairs.

Happy Father’s Day, Gentle Reader… (if you’re a dad that is.)

AARP – Where Is Thy Sting?

My oldest daughter, the first of the Three Chicks, is having her eighth grade graduation tonight. She’s going to be entering high school. She and her mother are out right now getting her hair cut for tonight’s ceremony. Three nights ago they came home with a dress – something that my tomboy daughter had sworn off and only begrudgingly agreed to wear. Her mother asked her to try it on so that I could see her in it and she obliged. When she came out of the bathroom I was stunned. My little girl is now a young woman. There is no denying the fact.

And so it goes.

My daughter and I have done nothing but joke about the eighth grade graduation. We have giggled about it – telling ourselves that it’s “not that big a deal.” I’m beginning to feel that I was wrong; wrong in encouraging the laughter at the night’s expense. I’m beginning to see that it is a bigger deal than I suspected.

My oldest daughter is entering High School. In four years time there will be another graduation and another daughter entering High School and THAT is only four years away…

Four years.

Tempus Fugit, gentle reader. Enjoy it for all it’s worth while you can.

There and Back Again. A Chicken’s Tale

We are home and thanking God for a wonderful time together and a safe trip back home. As you know if you’ve been following the “On The Road Again” series we the Evil Chicken 5 (EC-5) attended GEOWOODSTOCK 5. What a gathering. When we first arrived on the scene on Friday we were met with the sight of scores of campers & tents and cars with license plates from far and wide all converging at the North Carolina State Fairgrounds. I don’t know what the official tally was yet but both the Friday Night Meet and Greet and Geo-Woodstock 5 will qualify for “Mega-Event” status. After registration you moved onto one of three maps; one of North Carolina, one of the United States and one of the World. Colorful pins gave a hint at the scope of this Event. There were people from Europe, Canada, California and, yes, New Jersey! At the event were different coin venders, REI & Ground Speak tents, dozens of boxes for travel bugs heading in all directions around the globe, silent auctions, cache runs with kayaks & 4x4’s, food, presentations & workshops and a whole boatload of likeminded people. The pig roast was legendary which is good since that’s how I like to eat.

Yesterday we chose to make the drive back to NJ; caching along the way. We racked up a total of 926.6 miles on the Explorer and a million miles of memories that we can always take with us wherever we go. The sponsors and volunteers of this event all deserve a standing ovation for this one. There was so much that went into the planning and execution of this event; procuring an area, food, health services (just in case), sponsorship and a host of other concerns are no easy feats when dealing with an event of this caliber. Seriously.

The announcement came from the stage on Saturday as to where Geo-Woodstock 6 will be held – Sacramento California. I do believe that I’m gonna have to start saving my pennies. I sense a road trip in our future…

On The Road Again Part III

The kids and I are basking in the glow of beholding “Pirates of the Caribbean – At World’s End” last night here in Raleigh. A word of warning before I go any further; I will try to be fair and balanced with my review but please understand, I have a serious preoccupation with the source material. I’m a pirate fan and a “Pirates of the Caribbean” (POC from here on) and, let’s face it, I’m jaded; that being said, the third film in the trilogy delivers – big time. For my money, I’d have to say that it has been the finest movie at the multiplex thus far into the summer movie season and that’s saying something. “Spiderman 3”, which was flawed but still well worth the price of admission to date was POC’s only competition to date. All that may change when “Transformers” is released on July Fourth but for now, Pirates is king – as it should be. I was too old to fully appreciate the “Transformers” craze of the eighties but piracy? Piracy is timeless.

I will tread lightly with the spoilers but if you wish to remain unscathed by the following paragraph and discover the joys of POC yourself at your local multiplex then skip this paragraph. …Still here? Great. Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio (the screenwriters) have done a great job of tying up all of the loose ends. Really. All the plot points; just who does Elizabeth really love, Davy Jones lost love, Norrington, is Jack dead, the Kraken, Bootstrap Bill’s fate, will Will Turner get the chance to plunge the dagger into Davy Jones’ heart and the very fate of piracy on the high seas; all of ‘em, tied up nicely in a close to three hour long package. The time flew by in a swashbuckling blur and we were not disappointed. All of the actors did a wonderful job of bringing these characters to life once more and Gore Verbinski knows how to tell a story. Keith Richards delivers as Sparrow’s father. His scenes aren’t long but they are memorable. Even with all the resolutions in the plotlines there is the possibility of a part IV. Logistically speaking would Disney walk away from a film franchise that has netted them over 1.3 billion dollars? Nope – I don’t think so either. Go see it before you hear about what happens second hand (I hate when that happens).

We will be heading over to Geo-Woodstock 5 in the near future to soak up the festivities and atmosphere. We’ve already seen many friends and familiar faces. The event promises to be pretty amazing with the gathering of close to 2,000 cachers. There are different vendors, presentations, workshops and chances to meet a whole boatload of likeminded people. We’ll hang, maybe come back to the Hotel for some swimming and then head back for the pig roast. I hear it will be legendary. That’s a good thing since that is how I eat.

I’ll tell you all about it later. Until then, keep a weather eye on the horizon.

On The Road Again Part II

We are in the process of field-testing “Maggie” our new Magellan Roadmate, a windshield mounted GPS unit. Maggie has a great voice and is pretty good with directions; pretty awesome, in fact. The unit takes much of the guesswork and white knuckle – Road Warrior driving tactics out of whatever road trip you are making. I am very impressed. I’m told that it is my Father’s Day present. I don’t mind in the least. Our other GPS unit is a Garmin Legend. It’s seen over 760 geocaches or so; and it’s still going strong. Yeah, yeah – product loyalty and all that… You really need to hear Maggie’s sweet voice when she says, “make a right in two tenths.” Ah, it’s music to my ears.

We spent our first night camping at Pocahontas State Park in Virginia. What a beautiful spot. I highly recommend it. Mother Hen did an amazing job of finding this park; as usual. Not to brag but we’ve gotten pretty good at putting up and taking down our Coleman tent. We love this thing; it’s big enough to fit the whole crew (including the dog) with gear but the feature that I love most has got to be the door – it’s on a hinge and Velcros shut; too cool. We show this feature to other campers who walk away both in shock and awe. Any way we left after breaking camp and drove about four and a half hours to Raleigh North Carolina to our hotel room at the Holiday Inn (where I am typing this from BTW, Gentle Reader).

We are about to head out to the Raleigh Fair Grounds for a Geo-Coin extravaganza number one and, hopefully getting something to eat (I’m wasting away). After that we’re heading to Geo-Coin extravaganza number two. I do believe that there is a viewing of “Pirates of the Caribbean – At World’s End” in the cards for the evening too.

Oh yes… We shall see what we shall see. I’ll check in with you later, Gentle Reader; until then – adieu!

On The Road Again

The EC-5 is hitting the open road once more. We are going camping in Virginia and then pressing onward to Geo Woodstock 5 in Charlotte North Carolina.

What’s a Geo Woodstock 5? Oh Gentle Reader, I am never unimpressed with your curiosity. Geo Woodstock 5 is a Mega-Geocache Event. It is held each year at a different location. There will be over 2,000 geocachers from all over the world there. That’s a lot of people. It should be a hoot. I’m taking the laptop so maybe I’ll be able to update from the event? One never knows. There is going to be a big Geo Coin Gathering as well. Mother Hen was bitten by the coin bug and is very excited to be going. Yours truly and the Three Chicks are going to check out “Pirates of the Caribbean – At World’s End” at a local multiplex.

I can’t wait; neither can the girls.

We might be camping our way back to Jersey too. I hope that this is the case since I’m off from work and I’m not getting any younger. I am so thankful that I can share this time with my wife and kids. We want the Three Chicks to look back on these times with a smile and say to each other, “How about the time our crazy parents took us on all those crazy adventures!” No. It would be even better if they said to their own individual families, “Hop in the Jeep and let’s go see what’s around the corner!” They would be plotting their own travels and reporting the back to us, Grand Ma & Grand Pa. They would be charting their own courses and having their own grand adventures. That, Gentle Reader, would be cool; too cool.

These are the good old days my friends; make them count.

The Drive-In

I grew up (partially) right outside of Wildwood, NJ. Waaaaay back in the seventies there was a double drive-in theater in Rio Grand; it was aptly named the Rio Drive-In. It was great. You could go with your parents or your friends parents, sit on the top of the station wagon and if the film you were watching wasn’t your bag for the evening then all you had to do was turn around and see the rated “R” horror fest playing on the other side. Hey – that’s how I saw “JAWS” for the first time. My mother had taken me to see “Peter Pan” but what I really wanted was all of the carnage that Bruce the rubber shark could dish out, so up to the roof I went. After seeing the film I couldn’t get into the bathtub without thinking of how “a shark’s eyes are like a doll’s eyes…” I knew for a fact that that soulless fish would find a way to swim up through our pipes and devour me whole. I still check for dorsal fins before adding the bubbles.

I remember moving to Vineland in the early eighties and being very pleased that they had a drive-in too. Heck there was even one over in Bridgeton – a town not all that far from my new home. I was there for them all – to take in the splendor of the love affair between the car and the cinema. I was also there when they started to die away. The Beta Max and VCR began to take their toll. People could watch B-movies right from the comfort of their own homes now; why on earth would you want to put yourself out and go to a drive-in? My beloved Rio Drive-In was the first to succumb – it became a series of strip malls. The Delsea Drive-In in Vineland had a slow death as a porn theater before passing away into that good night (if Pee Wee Herman only knew!) and the Bridgeton Drive-In became a Shop Rite.

That’s progress. Well, for the past few years it has been re-opened and now the Delsea Drive-In Theater lives again! Gentle Reader, if you get a chance go and support them. It is New Jersey’s ONLY Drive-In Theater. It would be nice to see it stay around. I don’t know if there is a way to get it onto the national list of historical places but that’s a petition I would sign.

Here’s their web site: http://www.delseadrive-in.com/. The features change weekly so keep checking in. Bring a radio and some lawn chairs or just do it the old-fashioned way and watch from the comfort of your own car. They’ve got concessions and flushing toilets (wow!) but plan your bathroom breaks accordingly since the line can get deep just after the first movie.

So what are some great movies to see at the Drive-In? Just like the flavor of Soylent Green, it varies from person to person. I think it would be great to have “Mad Max”, “Close Encounters”, and “Night of the Living Dead “,” Twister, “Blade Runner” and, of course, “JAWS” in their repertoire but what do I know… What do you think would make a good triple feature at the Drive-In?

See you in the line for the bathroom!

Happy Mother's Day

You know what? I’m a glutton for punishment. I just wanted it known. I usually write a short script each week for the puppet ministry at our church (hey – that’s ok, it’s for God’s glory; not mine) but… I’m also heavily involved with several other major writing projects including this blog, my own personal “Bradbury Challenge”, a novel that I stepped away from for a period of time AND now – Script Frenzy (www.scriptfrenzy.org). Yep, one of my writing partners and I are hooking up for this event. It should be a blast. It’s a good time to be a writer but not a good time to be a writer who has to tend to things such as family, career and assorted other obligations. Man oh man – thank God I keep a notebook at hand.

Look – I know that I’m not the next Kurt Vonnegut or Hunter S. Thompson; but I don’t have to be. All I have to be is right here baby, yours truly, Evil Chicken.

Man, I’m tired – but more on that later; I have tales to tell…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

And Now… Haiku

There’s a Haiku game going on over at the boards of Script Frenzy. What’s Script Frenzy? Well here’s their website… www.scriptfrenzy.org. I mentioned it before on Chicken Scratch (check out the 4/14/07, blog entry).

Why Haiku? Hey – why not?

Twenty Thousand Words
There are Thirty Days in June
Time to Start Typing

That’s Quite a Deadline
I Know It Can Be Done
Coffee is Our Friend

Format? Worry Not
Not as Daunting as it Sounds
You’ll Write a Screenplay!

The Month is Looming
You May Not Have Done So Yet
But You Can Do It

So there you have it; encouragement in Haiku. Gentle reader, what do you say? Are you in or are you out? It’s a great concept and how many people do you know who write screenplays or plays in a month’s time? If you enjoy writing and having fun assembling plot lines and dialogue, then this is for you.

Yours truly, Evil Chicken, highly recommends it. Step out of your comfort zone, do some gymnastics with your word processor and become a screenwriter! You may walk out of the month of June a playwright and just how cool is that?

Very cool, gentle reader; very cool indeed.

I Am Iron Man

Geek alert…

E.W. has broken the first look at the Iron Man Mark III Armor from next May’s Iron Man staring Robert Downey Jr. The casting is perfect and this… http://www.ew.com/ew/article/0,,20037509,00.html is spot on the money.

This one is an opening nighter – no doubt.

Oh My Stars and Garters

I wasn’t a fan of the first Fantastic Four movie BUT this…

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/fantasticfourriseofthesilversurfer/trailer-medium.html

looks amazing.

In other news… Script Frenzy (http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/) should go live at midnight… Theoretically. Hey, if you’ve ever wanted to write a script or a play JUNE is the time. Get yer outlines together and join in on the insanity.

It’ll do you good.

Oh My Stars and Garters

I wasn’t a fan of the first Fantastic Four movie BUT this…

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox/fantasticfourriseofthesilversurfer/trailer-medium.html

looks amazing.

In other news… Script Frenzy (www.scriptfrenzy.org) should go live at midnight… Theoretically. Hey, if you’ve ever wanted to write a script or a play JUNE is the time. Get yer outlines together and join in on the insanity.

It’ll do you good.

Fun with Political Franchises

Just playing devil’s advocate but how easy would it be to abuse this system?

(Double click the You Tube link for the commercial) http://blog.wired.com/tableofmalcontents/2007/04/waco_crime_stop.html

The answer to this question is pretty darn easy. I happen to live in a state where anonymous tips can be used from everything from road rage episodes to child welfare issues. One can claim anything and it will be investigated at taxpayer expense. Scary stuff, really. Just whatever happened to the concept of “innocent until proven guilty”? The issue really goes to the core of a lot of things that have been happening here in the land of the free and the home of the brave ever since 9/11. I understand that these are trying times and that there is a war on two fronts going on. What gnaws at me is that we happily give up freedoms and rights for the sake of what the government or lobbyists tell us is for our protection – tell us what is for our own good. Meanwhile, no one takes notice as these small freedoms disappear and it is only until the state comes knocking at ones own front door to bring us back in line that we realize that the freedoms that we have taken for granted for as long as we remember no longer exist.

That’s scary.

Now then… Let’s lighten things up a bit. Instead of me rambling about the inherent dangers within our own system of government or the evils of letting the state think for you, let’s exercise our right to free speech and play a game! It’ll be multiple choice. I’ll list some different types of governments and you guess which one it is. (Special thanks to my favorite second brain, “Wikipedia”.) Fun stuff, huh?

An Autocracy is…

a. Rule by Law
b. Rule by Minority
c. Rule by No One
d. Rule by One
e. Rule by Majority

An Oligarchy is…

a. Rule by Law
b. Rule by Minority
c. Rule by No One
d. Rule by One
e. Rule by Majority

Anarchy is…

a. Rule by Law
b. Rule by Minority
c. Rule by No One
d. Rule by One
e. Rule by Majority

A Democracy is…

a. Rule by Law
b. Rule by Minority
c. Rule by No One
d. Rule by One
e. Rule by Majority

A Republic is…

a. Rule by Law
b. Rule by Minority
c. Rule by No One
d. Rule by One
e. Rule by Majority

SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWERS…






































Autocracy = D
Oligarchy = B
Anarchy = C
Democracy = E
Republic = A

Now wasn’t that refreshing! It almost makes me forget how easily the lines that define these political franchises can shift and blur from time to time.

Thanks for playing along! We’ll see you next time here at Chicken Scratch!

The Doctor Is IN

Doctor Who Season III will be seen on American shores this July. Here’s the article from Variety…

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117963646.html?categoryid=1237&cs=1&p=0

It’s a good time to be a geek.

Quick Little Updates

It is a beautiful day so I thought that before I hit the trails I’d touch base with the good ole’ blog – Chicken Scratch. Here are a couple of quick little updates…

Yesterday marked seventeen years of marriage between Mother Hen and I. Seventeen years. We’ve seen a lot happen in that time. I wrote her a hopelessly romantic letter (which I won’t go into the details of here gentle reader). Let’s just say that I love that woman very deeply – more so now than then and that I’m excited to see what the next seventeen years will bring.

I received a letter from Asimov’s Science Fiction magazine. My short story “did not suit the needs of the magazine at this time.” Alas, such is life – especially the life of writer; one must understand the concept of rejection. It’s just part of the process. Hey, perhaps they’ll print the next thing I send them? One never knows. Isaac Asimov said, “You must keep sending your work out; you must never let a manuscript do nothing but eat its head off in a drawer. You send that work out again and again, while you’re working on another one. If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success – but only if you persist.”

Here’s to persistence!

“Hot Fuzz” opens in American theaters today. “What’s that?” Once more, gentle reader, you have asked precisely the right question. “Hot Fuzz” is the new movie from the Writers, Actors and Director from “Shaun of the Dead” (one of my take to a deserted island movies BTW). Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright and Nick Frost bring the magic once again. Instead of zombies, Pegg and Frost are two cops investigating a bizarre set of “accidents” that happen to look like murders in a quaint little English town. Mayhem ensues.

Sign me up.

All right, it’s a little after mid-day and I’m here at the computer. That won’t do. It’s too nice. I’m gathering the family and hitting the trails. I’ll talk with you soon, Gentle Reader.

Evil Chicken signing off.

H.P. Memorium

I’m still mourning the passing of my friend and companion, H.P. Laptop. She was a little over six years old and had a history of problems with her hard drive. She underwent a transplant, which staved off the inevitable for a good four years or so. After an autopsy the original cause of death (corrupted bios files) was thrown out and it was discovered that her hard drive had suffered a major cerebrovascular accident. Lost with her were 5 short stories that I was working on (a Bradbury Challenge setback), a few puppet ministry plays and one or two blogs. I look back at so many happy times and those moments I will always have with me. I completed two nanowrimo’s (see www.nanowrimo.org), listened to about 1,700 different MP3s, viewed albums of pictures and thousands of other documents while basking in H.P.’s LCD glow.

…

H.P. is survived by the backup disk I made a month before her passing. Hey, when it’s your time – it’s your time. Though there is emptiness there is also new life; found in the new Compaq laptop that I am typing this memoriam on. It is helping to fill the void. She’s lighter and has a wider screen than H.P. I like to think that H.P. would be happy.

H.P. Laptop – thank you for your faithful service.

Kilgore Trout at Last at Rest

Kurt Vonnegut Jr., the pessimistic genius is no more. He passed away on 4/11/07, due to head injuries sustained in a fall. He was 84 years old. If you haven’t read him – try him.

Here’s the link for his obituary from the N.Y. Times. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/12/books/12vonnegut.html?ex=1191988800&en=aa747f8e1cf65243&ei=5087&excamp=GGGNkurtvonnegut

In “Welcome to the Monkey House” a collection of short stories that he wrote you will find one of my all time favorites, “Long Walk to Forever” – it’s a wonderful love story.

Mark Twain (someone whom Vonnegut will always be compared to) said this, “a writer ought to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.” Vonnegut did just that.

Kilgore Trout… you will be missed.

Script Frenzy

New from the creators of NaNoWriMo (http://www.nanowrimo.org/), National Novel Writing Month comes a new creative challenge SCRIPT FRENZY (http://www.scriptfrenzy.org/). What’s the challenge? Good question, Gentle Reader. Here are the…

5 BASIC RULES OF SCRIPT FRENZY

1. To be crowned an official Script Frenzy winner, you must write a script of at least 20,000 words and verify this word count on ScriptFrenzy.org.

2. You may write individually or in teams of two. Writer teams will have a 20,000 total word goal for their single co-written script.

3. Script writing may begin no earlier than 12:01 AM on June 1 and must cease no later than 11:59 PM on June 30, local time.

4. You may write either a screenplay or a stage play.

5. You must, at some point, have ridiculous amounts of fun.

And there you have it. Check out their teaser site for the FAQ.

So Gentle Reader who wants to write a Script or a Play? I know for a fact that there are some amazingly creative types who are reading this right now. You can do it. I kid you not. There is a pretty interesting group of writers out there too, believe it or not, right here in South Jersey. Who knows – we just may meet up one day at a Boarders, Barnes & Noble or coffee shop to discuss our progress on our latest projects. Stay tuned. I haven’t fully committed to this yet but I have signed up for updates. One way or another I guarantee it will be a boatload of fun.

Please Go Away

I posted the following at aintitcoolnews.com this morning. It appears that there is a biopic being made of Anna Nichole Smith’s life. I posted this long before hearing a similar view on a New Jersey talk radio station today. Here’s a link to the original story: http://www.aintitcool.com/?q=node/32241. And here is my cheerful response...

“There is not one redeemable facet of the human condition that has ever been a part of this tale. This biopic will appeal only to those who have the time to sit and watch “Morey” or “The Jerry Springer Show.” Unfortunately, that is a lot of people. Mike Judge was right with “Idiocracy.” The movie wasn’t the best but the sentiment is way too close to the mark. How about the crowds cheering for the successful semen guy? I weep for the future. I had high hopes that all of these non-issue issues would disappear from our headlines once the woman was laid to rest but no – these idiots are still grabbing headlines from a war in Iraq and Afghanistan. What is wrong with us and can it be changed – or is Mike Judge right after all? Wow.”

Please forgive me for sounding so negative, Gentle Reader. Yes, sure its tragic, yes it’s a train wreck – no doubt. My hope is that this will be the train wreck that we can (as a society) collectively look away from.

“…I’ve been asking the cops wherever I go, have you seen dignity?” – Bob Dylan

The Return of Indiana Jones

Click here for the details > http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2007-04-04-george-lucas_N.htm?csp=34

Production begins in June in Los Angeles, “before heading off to various ‘top secret’ locations” around the world. The fourth Indiana Jones movie remains unnamed at this time since Lucas wants to hold out for the trailer to premier. There have been rumors across the web…

Indiana Jones and the Truss of Doom

Indiana Jones and the Quest for Regularity

Indiana Jones and the Last Viagra

Indiana Jones Verses the Evil of the HMO

Indiana Jones and the Senior Buffet of Fortune

Indiana Jones and the AARP Card of Validation

Indiana Jones and the Leaky Bladder

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the 401K

… “Raiders of the Lost Ark” is on my list as one of the greatest movies ever made; seriously – near perfection. The storytelling is sharp, the acting is spot on and there are NO throw away scenes in the whole of the picture. Here at Evil Chicken HQ all I have to do it look over my right shoulder to see a framed original one-sheet from the film – it’s the only original I have in my collection. I love this movie. Love it. Spielberg and Lucas bottled lightning with its inception and premier. How it came to be is cool enough on its own. Two of our era’s great filmmakers sitting on a Hawaiian beach geeking out over what would be a cool movie series. One of them suggests something like James Bond and the other says No – even better. And so, Indiana Jones was born. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” came to be. The subsequent sequels, “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” and “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” were passable but were nowhere near the synergy of Raiders.

I remember going to the old Landis Theater (now boarded up and awaiting renovation) in Vineland with my father to see Temple of Doom. I was so ready for it to be Raiders; so ready for the next step in development of the characters and so disappointed when I left the theater. TOD was a prequel to Raiders and theoretically all the events in the picture occurred before Indy and Marion retrieve the Lost Ark. So no reuniting Harrison Ford and Karen Allen on the big screen; no this time Indy is toting along an orphaned kid, “Short Round” played by Ke Huy Quan (who went on to become a Goonie) with him now and a new love interest, “Willie Scott” played by Kate Capshaw (who went on to become Mrs. Spielberg). This was a bit of a downer for me since “Marion Ravenwood” was more than a match for “Indy” and the chemistry between Allen and Ford was smoking. Another thing that snagged me along the way was believability. Yes, I know this is an action movie produced by Lucas and directed by Spielberg but please don’t throw away all reason. The heart removing stuff with “Mola Ram” played adeptly by Amrish Puri just lost me. Either you have to explain the heart extraction away as a trick that Mola Ram is doing or you have to spend more time explaining why he can do it and why people don’t immediately die once their hearts are out of their chests. The device is used at the end on the rope bridge too with similar results. “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” is watchable but it’s not a worthy successor to Raiders.

The third film is better than Temple of Doom. Gone are Willie Scott and Short Round (what happens to them hasn’t been explained yet); replacing them is none other than Sir Sean Connery. James Bond is Indiana Jones’s father. Now there’s a shinning geek moment for you. The interplay between Ford and Connery is great and fun to watch as the son searches for the father and, ultimately, the Holy Grail. River Phoenix (yes – he did have his whole life ahead of him) adeptly plays a young Indiana Jones for in the beginning of the picture where we see how Indy got the whip, the jacket, the fedora, his fear of snakes and his taste for fortune & glory. There are writer’s conveniences that take the viewer out of the film and some throw away characters but all in all The Last Crusade is a superb entertainment. It’s not Raiders but it ended things on a high note with our heroes even riding out of the canyon into the sunset to that great John William’s march.

Fast-forward 13 years or so; Spielberg, Ford and Lucas start talking about a possible fourth movie. Spielberg starts seeking screenwriters to take a whack at the next Indiana Jones. One of those screenwriters is Mr. Frank Darabont (the Oscar winning writer who did the adaptations of Stephen King’s, “The Shawshank Redemption” and “The Green Mile). Rumor has it he wrote a script that reunited Karen Allen and Harrison Ford once again. The rumor goes farther and it has been said that Spielberg and Ford loved it. Lucas however wasn’t convinced and turned the script down opting instead for a film where Indy’s love interest will be the wonderful Cate Blanchett and his son Shia LaBeouf (the kid from Disney’s “Even Stevens”, “Holes” and or the soon to be released “Transformers” Movie). This is conjecture – gentle reader and only time will tell. Indy IV will begin filming in June of ’07. Personally, even with a 64 year-old Harrison Ford I’m still on board. While I’d have loved to have seen Darabont’s version on the big screen with the return of Karen Allen in a lead role, just seeing one of my all time favorite movie series on the big screen one more time sends gooseflesh a quiverin’ down my fan boy arms. …Still… just what will the new movie be called?

Indiana Jones and the Phantom Flatulence

Indiana Jones and Those Damned Kids Are on My Lawn AGAIN!

Indiana Jones and the Eternal Left Turn Signal

Indiana Jones and the Lost Dentures

Indiana Jones and the Marauders of the Prescription Program

Indiana Jones and the Bursting Undergarment

Indiana Jones and the Parking Lot of the Lost Car

Indiana Jones Verses the Waiter at Applebee’s

...Only time will tell.

Happy Easter Gentle Reader

It was cold here in the Swamps of Jersey this Resurrection Day. The choir (yep – it includes this chicken) sang for all three services. Afterwards we went over Mother Hen’s Aunt’s house to hide eggs (36 of ‘em) for the three chicks to find. Good stuff.

The choir has really made a progression; as it turns out we are told to, “make a joyful noise to the Lord”; in my case it’s more like making a noise but the process had been a joy. It’s gonna be fun.

Performances will be at 7:00 PM, at Calvary Chapel Vineland on 4/13, 4/14 and 4/15. No pressure, Gentle Reader but if you’re in the area feel free to stop by. I’ll try not to trip while stepping along to the dance numbers.

Happy Easter!

The Naked Hikers

We paid a visit to our friends in North Jersey this weekend. Here’s the write up of what I submitted for our log at Geocaching.com / Big Green…

Listen… I’m not one to tell tales out of sort but something that happened to us, the EC-5 (well @ least two out of five of us – Mother Hen and yours truly) this weekend that just keeps playing out in my mind. Being from South Jersey it’s really easy to get back to nature in the woods and to get lost from the sights and sounds of a more heavily trafficked area such as where we were caching on Sunday, the first day of April. Mother Hen handles the lion’s share of our posts – wherever they may happen to appear; Big Green, SJG, SEPAG, NNJC – usually Mother Hen. Not for this one – no, not this time.

“Why is that?” you may ask; and that would be a fine question by the way. You North Jersey cachers are an astute lot; I love you guys so I’ll tell you. Before showing up at the “Pant’s on Fire” event at Ruby Tuesdays we happened to do a spot of caching. For the life of me I can’t remember what the name of the cache is (you’d have to ask MH) but it was a snatch and grab off of the parkway about ten or so miles before the Lincoln Tunnel. We pulled over at the suggested parking coordinates, I donned my cache bag and MH her hat (just in case of rain. It was a little overcast) and down the trail we went. Now if you’ll recall gentle reader, we are from the Swamps of South Jersey and not used to too much metropolitan caching. We were down the trail – oh, I’d say about a tenth of a mile and we could still hum of the tires of the vehicles on the parkway. No big - hey this is North East Jersey; it’s to be expected. Anyway, we’re walking along, MH with our trusty Garmin in hand and I ambling along next to her when we come over this hill and, to our surprise, there’s these two hikers one male and one female both wearing Tilley Hats, high end hiking boots and NOTHING ELSE. Gentle reader, when I say “NOTHING ELSE” I mean it in the truest and most accurate sense of the words. Nothing else.

“Whoa!” I said. With the utmost in tact and decorum, I might add. Mother Hen’s eyebrows raised as her jaw dropped.

“Hey, how’s it goin’?” Naked Guy asked.

“Pretty good…” I said. “…Say, I couldn’t help but notice the two of you are buck naked – is everything ok?”

The Naked Gal started to giggle and stepped forward. “Why I knew that there was something we forgot to pack.” This made Naked Guy chuckle. Mother Hen and I took a quick look at each other – just to make sure that we were on the same page. We were.

“XXXX and I” (note Gentle Reader, due to decorum I will not be naming names as to who the two hikers were – sorry) are on our daily Natural Hike.” Naked Guy nodded his head in agreement.

“Don’t you mean Nature Hike?” Mother Hen asked.

“No. Natural Hike.” Naked guy said. No sooner had these words escaped his mouth he began stretching as if he were warming up for the Boston Marathon.

“You see, a Natural Hike is where we free ourselves from the confines of unnatural materials and become one with nature.” Naked Gal said.

“Yeah.” Naked Guy responded looking up from touching his toes.

“It is so freeing…” Naked Gal said as she began her stretching exercises.

“I can see that.” I said. All of the sudden I felt this stinging on my bald spot. I heard the SMACK! a moment later. Mother Hen was not appreciating the benefits of stretching before one exercises.

“So what about thorns?” Mother Hen asked.

“What about them?” Naked Guy said standing from his hamstring stretch.

“Don’t they hit… sensitive areas?”

“It is always important to tread lightly whether you have clothes on or not.” Naked Gal said looking up from her toe touches.

“Yeah… I see what you mean…” I said.

SMACK!

So there you have it. We exchanged web addresses (it’s amazing what those Tilley Hats can hold), said our good byes and watched them hike past us on their way to parts unknown. Yet another wonderful adventure that Geocaching has brought into our lives. You just don’t know when you’re going to meet a kindred spirit out there on the trails. As it turns out the four of us are meeting in the same park next weekend for a four-mile Natural Hike.

Does anyone know what the extended forecast is for next Saturday? I sure hope it’s not gonna be too cold.