The DIABEETUS

 

Your liver values are good

So is your blood pressure

Cholesterol too – 171

Said the doctor

But.

Your blood sugar puts you

In the range of having diabetes

Even though your cholesterol is good

It’s now bad

You are now 2X more likely to

Have a heart attack

Said the doctor

But.

You can control this

If you lose weight

With the right diet you may

Be able to get off the

Medication that I’m about

To put you on

Said the doctor

You could consider a gastric bypass

Or lap-band surgery to lose the weight

Does diabetes run in your family?

Asked the doctor

Yes, it runs in the family

I said

Yes, I have helped this process along

I said

And then I grew silent

Lost in my thoughts

It’s not the worst diagnosis

Said the doctor

Believing me stunned by

This turn of events

Oh yes, there are much worse

Diagnoses than this

I said

I was thinking about Wilfred Brimley

Wilfred Brimley?

Yeah, the actor with the

Big beefy moustache

He did a series of commercials

For some medication company

He’s always talking about

‘The Dia-BEETUS’, which

I said in my best impersonation

The doctor laughed

So did I

He & his latest patient with

The Dia-BEETUS

Don’t do that again

Said the doctor