Friday, July 31, 2009

The Green Smoothie

A couple of weeks ago I was crawling around searching for a coffee cup just past the crack of dawn. I was groggy but I was able to flip on the TV and navigate to channel 10, my NBC affiliate, for the Today Show. As I poured myself a cup of coffee and took my first sip my senses began to return to me. Some well quaffed gentleman was delivering a news story that by the sound of his voice and the seriousness of his cadence was somewhere on the importance scale of a meteor hurtling towards our planet roughly around the size of Mexico. My head cleared further as I listened…

“…But the custody of Michael Jackson’s children is still in question…”

Next up was a segment with Hoddah and Kathy Lee. “Really?” I said out loud to no one at all. My prognosis was not looking good for getting ANY relevant news of the day from the Today Show so I flipped over to channel 6, my local ABC affiliate to see what was happening on Good Morning America. There I found a health segment already in progress. All of the morning anchors were gathered around a wonderfully honed and Arobisized Beautiful Person. The table in front of them held bunches of green produce, some apples, lemons, pears, a blender and a glass filled to perfection with Green Smoothie. She, the Beautiful Person, turns out to be Nutritionist Kimberly Snyder and she appeared quite knowledgeable on the topic of detoxification of the human body and was firm in her stance that fad diets did not work. She suggested using the Green Smoothie as a meal replacement for three or more meals a week.

Hmm… I’m a fat guy in my forties and know that I have to do something to become less of a fat guy so I listened more intently; besides, who am I to argue with spandex? The recipe is as follows:

Green Smoothie Recipe:

1 1/2 cup of water
1 head of organic romaine lettuce, chopped
3-4 stalks of organic celery
1 organic apple, cored and chopped
1 organic pear, cored and chopped
1/3 bunch of organic cilantro
1/3 bunch of organic parsley
Juice of ½ fresh organic lemon

Combine the water and chopped head of romaine into your blender. Starting the blender on a low speed, mix until smooth. Gradually moving to higher speeds, add the herbs, celery, apple and pear. Add lemon juice last. Serve chilled or at room temperature. This recipe makes about four servings.

“Hmm…” I thought to myself, “I think I’m gonna try that out.” Last night I did the shopping and this morning I made my first blender full of Green Smoothie! After sampling said Green Smoothie I can not help but believe that half a bottle of vodka (your choice) would certainly improve the overall meal replacement experience. The recipe says that it can be served at “room temperature”, I do not subscribe to this theory. Chill it. If it is colder it will go down quicker. My first few sips reminded me of that story from the movie “Creepshow” where Stephen King turns into that plant – do you remember? Well if not, Gentle Reader, then know that the Green Smoothie is as close as you can get to performing photosynthesis yourself.

I do not mean to sound all together negative; the Green Smoothie is healthy and, since it is all pureed together, you really don’t have to digest it! Mmm… I’m going to stick with it though, Yours Truly knows that he has to do something and the Green Smoothie just may be a part of that.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Recipe and picture of the Green Smoothie were found at


Merci said...

I saw that show, too! I was harboring a dim hope that the fruit bits would make the rest of it palatable. Guess not. Still, I don't get enough, veggies, so I should try it, too.

I bought some green smoothie type stuff at BJ's (bottled) a couple of weeks ago. I really liked it, but it wasn't this mix. Had more fruit and, I'm sure, more calories. Tased like a banana smoothie to me. Can't remember what the green stuff was. Avocado, maybe?

mommanator said...

there is just something about drinking a green drink! not too good looking looks like you should retch while drinking

Evil Chicken said...

Merci – the BJ’s stuff has GOT TO BE better tasting than the goo that I blended together. Banana Smoothie flavor is our friend.

Mommanator – Not that I’m suggesting that alcohol or high caffeinated and sugar sweetened drinks are the fluids to fit into one’s diet; Absinthe, Mint Juleps, Mountain Dew and Fresca (which I think is actually sugar free) are all possibilities in the “Green Drink” category. “Green Smoothie” is not. You are correct; retching during consumption is a distinct possibility. : )