By Cyber Trout & Evil Chicken
Like most people, we have also been affected by the “Big C.” According to the American Cancer Society, over 13,000,000 people in the United States alone have been diagnosed with cancer and many millions more are affected by it. So lets share a little of our struggles and loss.
Jeff - I lost my uncle to prostate cancer in 2007. James Newlin was more of a brother really. Being less than two years older than me, we grew up together, went to school together and were roommates for years. His loss hit me pretty hard. I have also had many other friends affected. From my mother in law Anne’s successful fight with breast cancer, to the loss of family friends. With all this tragedy in our lives, doing something, even so small as to encourage a few hundred friends and family to donate to the ACS, was the least I could do.
George - I was 17 when my father was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. The prognosis was grim. After his surgery I took him for his radiation treatments during July and August of 1987. In September his condition worsened and he was gone by the 8th of October of that year. I am a part of this because no one should have to live this or watch it happen to someone they love. I believe that we are on loan to each other and we must make the most of the moments that we have. I’m in this because moments matter. The American Cancer Society knows this too and they need the dollars to continue research to find a cure. It will happen someday and what a moment that will be.
In memory of those we lost, we decided to do something about it in our own small way.
One of the most enjoyable ways to support the American Cancer Society is No Shave November. The idea behind it, is to show support for people going through cancer treatments who typically lose their hair by actually growing some. You raise awareness and, with your donation page, money for cancer research. WE, Mr. Trout and I came to the decision to participate out of a variety of reasons including Jeff ran out of shaving cream, my razors were far too rusty, and it was November and neither of us had shaved.
Jeff proposed that we should throw our lots together and create the No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge! We would pit to combatants against each other and let the Citizens of Facebook decide who had the better facial hair. Jeff, who happens to be a Technomancer, made all of the brilliant graphics and we were off to the races. The battles were EPIC in scale crossing bearded celebrities, historical figures, writers, and artists. Watching the voting gave us a unique view for each round with friends responses and our own.
We had some pretty jaw dropping battles over this past month but, all of them fade into nothing when compared to the real battle that is cancer. Sure, we have had an absolute BLAST with what you are about to read, however, this month’s facial hair growth spurt is not about us - it’s about others and those who are in the battle of their lives. This month has been about supporting THEM. So we would like to give our faithful readers here a chance to support cancer research as well.
Evil Chicken’s page can be found right here: Evil Chicke ACS Donation Page
THAT SAID, Below, amassed for your perusal, assembled all in one place (well, two places if you happen to be reading this on Cyber Trout or, conversely, Chicken Scratch) are our match ups! Who won? Well, let’s review and find out!
Tom Selleck vs. Mr. T – TIE
Time for our first Facial Hair Challenge. Who had the best facial hair? A vote for Magnum P.I. is a vote for Team Trout. Choose Mr. T. and a vote goes to Team Scully.
Let the games begin!
[NOTE: “I thought this one was in the bag. While B.A. Baracus has the beard, Tom Selleck’s mustache rules! Check out the link on the Doctor Who Challenge below.” – CT]
Teddy vs. Grant – TIE
A Veterans Day, No Shave November Challenge.
George Scully & I tied yesterday.
Today's challenge is between two great military members and their iconic facial hair. Choose General Ulysses "Unconditional Surrender" Grant and you give a vote to Team Scully. Choose the leader of the Rough Rider's and later General, Theodore Roosevelt, for a vote for Team Trout.
Above all else, remember all those that have served our country with honor and duty. To all our military members, we are thankful for your service.
Ducks vs. ZZ Top – TIE
Thus far Mr. Trout and I have had a fairly even competition. Round one was Magnum P.I. vs. Mr. T which ended in a TIE. Yesterday, after a fierce battle worthy of the combatants, Teddy Roosevelt vs. Ulysses S. Grant ended in ANOTHER TIE. Today’s battle involves two major league combatants in the No-Shave November Facial Hair Challenge. Representing TEAM SCULLY in this match are the gentlemen from Duck Dynasty! Representing TEAM TROUT in this round of facial hair voting are none other than ZZ Top!
This is a battle of the heavy weights. In one corner you have the four boys from Louisiana and in the other there is a Little Ole Band from Texas! Both of these groups of combatants have chosen to ignore their razors & shaving cream niceties for the pure joy of a free flowing beard. [YES, we know the argument, “But the drummer doesn’t have a beard.” While we admit this is true, his name is Beard and he sports a pretty good moustache.] Collectively their facial hair is iconic. So, we ask you Citizens of Facebook who wins in this battle of the Titans ~ Duck Dynasty or ZZ Top!?
Who wears it the best?
[NOTE: “This one shocked me. I thought that ZZ Top was going to blow the Ducks out of the water. I was wrong.” – EC]
Walt vs. Abe – TIE
Down to the wire last night. The Duck Dynasty Gang were ahead most of the day. They were set to beat ZZ Top. Then those sharp dressed men somehow managed to get some legs and tie up match number three. Three ties in a row.
So today, George of Team Scully and Jeff of Team Trout are looking for a win with a terrific twosome of fantastic follicle forefathers who knew how to foster the face fungus. Two men who know how to chop the mutton, and boast the beard.
In Team Scully's corner we have the Hair from Harding County. The man who stomped slavery and tells it like it is. The copper chinned champ. The 16th President of these United States. Abraham Lincoln!!!!!
In Team Trout's corner is the father of free verse. A poet, journalist and king of keratinized cells. The Humanist from Huntington. He exists as he is and that is enough. The Author of Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman!
Let the match begin!
Morison vs. Garcia – Scully
This Heavy Weight bout for the No-Shave November Facial Hair Challenge will last a full 12 rounds! In this corner from Brevard County, Florida – weighing in at 175 pounds (he had gained about 40 pounds around the time of this picture) JIM “the Lizard King” MORRISON! And in this corner, from San Francisco, California weighing in at a figure higher than Jim Morrison is JERRY “Touch of Grey” GARCIA! It’s the DOORS vs. the DEAD!
We want a clean fight, Citizens of Facebook. …Hark, what is that I hear?
DING, DING, DING!
Round one has just started.
Ariel vs. Jasmine – Trout
With the first official win under his belt, Team Scully has taken the lead in our Facial Hair Challenge. Can Team Trout make a comeback today?
Say one thing about No Shave November, it is a biased day. This Facial Hair Challenge really is all about the guys and quite frankly, George & I were disgusted.
So we found a solution. What could be more feminine than Disney Princesses!
In the Team Trout Corner is the daughter of King Triton and Queen Athena. The beauty of the seas. The one and only, Bearded Mermaid herself amazing Ariel.
In Team Scully's Corner is the only daughter of the wealthy Sultan of Agrabah. The lovely carpet riding princess that stole Aladdin's heart. Beardladdin's Princess Jazzbeard
So who will win this Facial Hair Challenge!!!!
[NOTE: “This one was a blowout – 8 – 0 for the bearded Ariel! I misplaced my fighting trousers that day.” – EC]
Qui-Gon vs. Ras Al Ghul – Scully
Here are the standings so far.
George Scully has one win with Jerry Garcia defeating Jim Morrison.
Jeff Trout has one win with Beardy Princess Ariel who defeated Princess Jasbeard.
Remember to make a donation for your favorite team at the American Cancer Society. (Links to follow)
Today's No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge is between one man. An actor of our time. From such great films as Krull and Excalibur.
This is the Battle of the Liam Neesons.
In Team Scully's Corner we have a powerful user of the Force. The trainer of Obi Wan and meditating master who guided Anikan to his Fate. We present to you, at least the top half, Qui-Gon Jinn
In Team Trout's Corner is the Demon Head himself. The trainer and the enemy of Bruce Wayne himself. Batman's true bane, the everliving, Rā's al Ghūl
[NOTE: “The force was with you this day.” – CT]
Gandalf vs. Dumbledore – Trout
Here it is everyone. Jeff & George are back with another week of No Shave November Facial Hair Challenges!
Team Scully jumped ahead last night with a decisive win. It has been a close battle and today may be the most challenging contest yet!
This Sunday we give you the Wizardly Battle of the Beards!
In Team Scully's Corner is the Head Honcho of Hogwarts. The man who found the Twelve Uses For Dragon's Blood and wielder of Gubraithian Fire! Harry Potters mentor and arguably the most powerful and knowledgeable Wizard in the world of J.K. Rowling.
We give you, Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore!
In Team Trout's Corner in the grey and white robes is the Magnificent Mystical Magical Master of Middle Earth. The defeater of trolls and orcs. The man who defied and defeated the fiery Balrog and the man who crowned the 35th King of Gondor.
We give you Gandalf!
Make your choice!
Green Arrow vs. the Maestro – Scully
Today's No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge is one for the history books. In the spirit of the 1976 comic Superman vs. The Amazing Spiderman George Scully and Jeff Trout bring you the DC vs. Marvel crossover of fantastic facial hair. Today's challengers are two powerhouses of the world of superheroes.
On Team Scully's side is the magnificent archer, billionaire and celebrity, Oliver Queen. With the charm and goatee of Earl Flynn and the skills of Robin Hood, he is one of the greatest heroes in the DC Universe. We give you Green Arrow!
On Team Trout's side we have the Incredible Hulk's alter ego of an alternate future. The conquere of a Post Apocalyptic Earth and a ferocious beard to match his personality. We give you The Maestro!
So, who is the best of the beards today?
Pitt vs. Depp – TIE
Yet again, it is officially a tie. Team Scully and Team Trout are having the closest challenge yet. George and Jeff have received some feedback on the Bearded Princess Challenge and it was apparently, not what the ladies wanted. So we went back to the drawing table.
This one was tough to decide. We thought about who would the ladies like to see in a No Shave November Challenge. We also had to be careful not to choose anyone who was more attractive than us.
After long deliberation we we came up with two mildly handsome actors to represent us. So without further ado we bring you today's challenge.
On Team Scully's side we have the incomparable actor of Tim Burton's dreams. The man who started his career gushing blood in Nightmare On Elm Street and brought us such amazing characters as Tom Hanson, Edward Scissorhands, Gilbert Grape, Rango and that rapscallion, Captain Jack Sparrow. Johnny Depp.
On Team Trout's team today is the exceptional actor who began his career in TV soaps. But he got a break as J.D. in Thelma & Louise which led him to an amazing career. Who can forget his many roles as Detective Frank Harris, Mills, Jeffrey Goines, Tyler Durden, Mickey O'Neil, Rusty Ryan and countless others. We give you the most handsome grim reaper you will ever meet, Brad Pitt.
Connelly vs. Connery – Trout
Yesterday’s match was a win for Oliver Queen (Green Arrow) which edged Team Scully just ahead of Team Trout represented by, the Maestro (the Hulk of a possible future timeline). If there is one thing that we have continued to see during the No-Shave November Facial Hair Challenge is that anything can happen. Today’s match holds this promise. Today is a battle of the Whiskered Scotsmen and, yes, there can be only one.
HE has been the embodiment of so many characters over the years. This Academy Award winning Scotsman comes from humble beginnings. You know him as; Juan Sanchez Villa-Lobos Ramirez, Robin Hood, King Agamemnon, Zed, Professor Henry Jones Senior, and some guy named, Bond, James Bond. You know him, you love him - representing TEAM TROUT is none other than Sean Connery!
HE too has worn many faces over the span of time. Starting from his blue-collar roots as a welder, he became a folk singer, a comedian, and an actor. He’s portrayed varied characters including; Uncle Monty (Lemony Snicket), Father Joseph "Joe" Crissman (X-Files II), the zombie pet – Fido (Fido), and Noah MacManus, A.K.A. "Il Duce" (Boondock Saints I & II). Ladies & Gentlemen, representing TEAM SCULLY – Billy Connelly!
Good Citizens of Facebook, the Battle of the Whiskered Scotsmen is now UNDERWAY!
Latrec vs. Van Gogh – Trout
A win for Team Trout last night brings him ahead by one. Team Scully looking to keep the game close today.
We have the Battle of Post Impressionists today.
We felt it best to let you judge these two by their beards and their works today. No fancy speeches or hype. Just enjoy some great art.
On Team Trout, is Vincent Van Gogh.
On Team Scully is Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec
[NOTE: “In the spirit of, ‘Hey, what the heck?’ we passed along this title card to the Author Guy, Mr. Christopher Moore. He wrote a very funny book with these two characters in it called, ‘Sacre Bleu’. He saw it on Twitter and he favorite it! I love me some Christopher Moore.” – EC]
Hanks vs. Brosnan – Trout. Gilligan’s Island song
[SUNG To the tune of, “Gilligan’s Island”]
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started when two actors found
Their boat had holes in it
Tom Hanks grabbed Wilson and a stick
A stick that could make fire
He took a couple Oscars too
For these he did acquire
For these he did acquire
Pierce Brosnan grabbed a coffee cup
In a poor attempt to bail
With water ebbing or the sides
It was an epic fail
It was an epic fail
Their ship’s aground on the shore of this
Uncharted desert isle
‘Cause this is done for charity
That makes it all worthwhile
No phone, no lights, no motor car
Not a can of shaving cream
You couldn’t cut their facial hair
With a diamond laser-beam
A diamond laser-beam
Now VOTE, our friends it’s up to you
Oh yes, who should it be
Peirce Brosnan vs. Thomas Hanks
Let’s agree to disagree
Agree to disagree
So Facebook friends the choice is yours
No Shave November brings
‘Be it Trout or Scully walks away
The or’ to nurse his stings
The or’ to nurse his stings
Consider a donation too
We hope this brings a smile
From Team Trout & Team Scully
On No Shave November Isle!
[NOTE: “This was simply the best. Reading this when Evil Chicken shared it with me was so much fun. – CT]
Doctor Who (11th) vs. Theodore Maxtible – Trout 
Team Trout has jumped ahead with two wins now and Team Scully, who has yet to find a way to travel through time, is looking for a win to keep our match close.
Today George and Jeff offer you another choice in the history of facial hair. This one spans time and space. With our mutual love for Doctor Who we could not resist this one.
We offer you the No Shave November Timey Wimey Facial Hair Challenge.
Today's contestants are in honor of the 50th Anniversary of Doctor Who were a challenge indeed. We perused our extensive knowledge stored in our Whovian brains and came out with two wonderfully bearded choices.
In Team Trout's corner is the madman who becomes a being of pure hatred when he is infused with the Dalek Factor. A crazed villain and driving force in the Doctor's wibbly wobbly history that flows like no other.
Team Trout offers you Theodore Maxtible.
Team Scully has chosen a champion of the human race. The man who met with Nixon and saved us all from, well from something. We can't quite remember what though. From his isolation and imprisonment in Area 51, he had some time away from his razor on the Tardis.
Team Scully offers you The Eleventh Doctor.
[NOTE: “This upset took place on the 50th anniversary of ‘Doctor Who’! I’m still reeling.” – EC]
[NOTE: “I was sent this link a bit later and found that my choice for Tom Selleck was a good one.” Den of Geeks Doctor Who’s Ten Best Uses of Facial Hair – CT]
Vlad vs. Rasputin – Trout
Today’s No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge is between two mysterious figures in history whose names conjure trepidation and dread. Has history given way to legend and legend to these arcane feelings towards these two figures? One of them was a war hero & protector of his people, the other was a self-described, “pilgrim” who wanted his country to stay out of World War I. However history remembers these men one thing is sure and set in the pages of time ~ both of these gents had EPIC facial hair!
Representing TEAM TROUT in today’s bout is Grigori “The Mad Monk” Rasputin.
And representing TEAM SCULLY in the day’s match is Vlad “The Impaler” Tepes.
So, Citizens of Facebook, who wore their facial hair the best? ...Hold on, the bell's about to start.
[NOTE: “I am still amazed that there was a disco song written about Rasputin” – CT]
Socrates vs. Kahn – Scully
Today is a most excellent challenge. Still riding the time traveling wave from this weekend we thought it was an outstanding idea to have go with another great time travelling story. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. While there is a debate about this, we totally believe the phone booth time machine is an ode to the T.A.R.D.I.S.
Before we start this week’s challenges, we need to do a recap of last week and see where the two teams stand. Whoa, it looks like Team Trout has a commanding lead now with three excellent wins. Team Scully is totally losing! But he plans on making a comeback as amazing as Wyld Stallyns epic win at the Battle of the Bands.
George S. Scully Esquire has chosen a champion from the year 400 BC, a time when most of the world looked like the cover of the Led Zeppelin album, Houses of the Holy. We were there. There were many steps and columns. It was most tranquil. His bogus shaving tools left this dude no choice but to grow one excellent beard. He is sometimes known as the father of modern thought. He was the teacher of Plato, who was in turn the teacher of Aristotle, and like Ozzy Osbourne, was repeatedly accused of corruption of the young.
Welcome SO-CRATES!
Jeff Theodore Trout chose a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269. This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, two hours ago totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods. He is rocking a most outstanding fu mancu.
Please welcome the very excellent barbarian...
Mr. GENGHIS KHAN!
Party On Dudes!
Ezio vs. Snake – TIE
After yesterday’s, most excellent, battle of No Shave November’s Facial Hair Challenge; Socrates examined his life, found it worth living, and walked away the winner. Today’s battle is one for the gamers and if you are a gamer then you are probably familiar with these two warriors. One is from Renaissance Italy and the other from a not too distant future. Sure, both of these men’s beards are really a collection of 1’s and 0’s – lines of code built bit by bit by a team of storytellers, artists, & programing teams but, hey, “real” beards are built from organic lines of code called DNA. Who are we to judge? These combatants have survived thousands of close shaves within the bounds of their respective universes, yet, neither of them (or their programing teams) know very much about shaving. Both use stealth as an ally – it’s hard to see either of them with those beards.
Solid Snake is representing TEAM TROUT in today’s No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge! Snake has been voted by the Guinness Book of World Records as the 4th most popular videogame character of all time. He made his first appearance in, “Metal Gear” (1987). Snake is, as per his own personal wiki, “Possessing an IQ of 180 and fluent in six languages, he was known as "the man who makes the impossible possible" and his exploits made him into a living legend among the military black ops. Initially a Green Beret, Snake was later inducted into High-Tech Special Forces Unit FOXHOUND in the mid-1990s while it was under the leadership of Big Boss. Repeatedly tasked with disarming and destroying the latest incarnation of Metal Gear, a bipedal nuclear weapon-armed tank, Snake would thrice avert potential nuclear catastrophe, becoming a famed war hero.”
Ezio Auditore da Firenze represents TEAM SCULLY in the day’s bout! Ezio has been voted the 35th most popular videogame character of all time but the Guinness Book of World Records. He made his first appearance in, “Assassin’s Creed II” (2009) and, unbeknownst to most historians and philosophers, the Mentor of the Italian Brotherhood of Assassins, a title which he held from 1503 to 1512. As per Ezio’s wiki, “During his travels, Ezio managed to not only unite the pages of the Codex, written by Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad, Mentor of the Levantine Assassins, but also to save the cities of Florence, Venice, and Rome from Templar rule. He ensured the future travels of Christoffa Corombo to the "New World", liberated Rome from Borgia rule, and prevented the rise to power of Ercole Massimo's Cult of Hermes, helping spread the Renaissance and Assassin ideals of independence and free will throughout Italy.”
These electronic warriors do not know the meaning of, “Game Over”. Saving the world? Easy. Finding a razor? Not so much.
Citizens of Facebook – gamers and otherwise, we humbly ask you who has the best facial hair?
This digital match begins right NOW.
Dali vs. Escher – TIE
With yesterday's tie, Team Trout still holds a minor lead. Can he hold onto it or will Team Scully's persistence melt his clock today?
Todays contest pits the surreal mustache against the impossible goatee.
Before we start this match we want to remind you to donate to the American Cancer Society. The real contest is for us to reach our goal.
Team Scully has chosen Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domènech
More specifically, he has chosen the upper lipholstery of the man we call, Salvadore Dalí. A moustache that's just as memorable as his art. Some of the most intriguing and bizarre images we have ever seen. From melting clocks and the lobster phone to the most interesting Shirley Temple painting. He has influenced the art scene forever. From his earliest age he was encouraged to be an artist. He was also told by his parents that he was the reincarnation of his brother, which may account for his eccentric lifestyle. A vote for Dali is a vote for Team Scully.
Team Trout has chosen Maurits Cornelis Escher
The fantastic graphic artist, the original MC, always had a goatee to be envied. This man’s imaginative interlocking images and masterfully impossible works have inspired countless scientists, architects and artists. From Babylonians on horseback and flocks of doves, to insurmountable ascending and descending staircases, we are all in awe of his work. A Voter for Escher is a vote for Team Trout. http://goo.gl/DgBCmU
So who will win? The stache or the goat?
Make your vote!
Russell vs. Zach – Scully
Black Friday got you down? Has the sea of humanity at the malls and superstores across the land damaged your hopes for society? HEY, did that guy just steal your parking space!? Ah, Facebook, take heart; sometimes ya just gotta laugh.
“Laugh, and the world laughs with you; Weep, and you weep alone...”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox wrote those words and, by gosh – by golly, she was onto something. I’ll take laughter over weeping 9.8 times out of 10. We need to laugh. We have a tendency to take ourselves a bit too seriously. That said, today’s bearded combatants do not suffer from that affliction. Good, bad, or other – they make people laugh and that is a high calling. Two funnymen are stepping into the ring for today’s match in the No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge. Sure, they may be funnymen but their beards are no laughing matter. Look at how well these gents are quaffed!
Representing Team Trout is none other than Mr. Russell Brand!
Representing Team Scully is Mr. Zach Galifianakis!
Giggles? Yes. Facial hair? Aplenty.
The comedian, Carol Burnett once said, “Comedy is tragedy plus time.” Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, NOW is the time for the BLACK FRIDAY No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge to kick off!
Who wears it better, Russell or Zach?
<<<>>>
Ladies and Gentlemen in this years No Shave November Facial Hair Challenge TEAM TROUT has won the day! Cyber Trout was able to pick the better beards throughout the course of the month to the tune of 7 – 5! Surprisingly, out of 19 matches there were 7 tied scores!
I, Evil Chicken, would like to take the opportunity to thank my partner in crime, Mr. Jeff Trout – aka – Cyber Trout. Without him this adventure would not have happened. The Evil Chicken – aka – George Scully, thanks him wholeheartedly. I’m looking forward to the next project – whatever it may be!
I think I’m keeping my beard. How about you, Jeff? - EC
I Cyber Trout, would like to show my sincere gratitude in finding an amazing and worthy opponent as well as a fantastic accomplice in this endeavor. Without your brilliance in writing such catchy tunes, (look out Weird Al) and wonderful sense of humor, we would not have created such a following. I too look forward to the next amazing project on the interwebs.
Still on the fence. I think I will try cleaning it up a bit and see how it holds up. I’ll let you know. - CT
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