Thursday, September 02, 2010

Ashes to Ashes, Vinyl to Vinyl

In my regular surfing duties I found an interesting new way to deal with the problem of what to do with ones remains after being cremated that caught my eye. I thought that this was unique and actually kind of cool. I don’t know abut you Gentle Reader but after I shuffle off this mortal coil I would like to think that any organ that I have not destroyed (admittedly this is a short list by now) could be harvested and given to someone who needs it on this side of Glory. After that I am seriously pulling for a Viking Funeral. I am not joking. Come on, a Viking Funeral is the BEST! Put my harvested carcass in the canoe that my Dad and I built, cover my corpse with plenty of fireworks and gasoline and shove me off – preferably into the ocean; Cape May would be perfect! Now instead of putting roses onto my coffin everyone in attendance would be given an arrow. After the Gospel is shared and I (or what’s left of me) get past the breakers the arrows are to be lit and fired at the boat. BOOM! After that I highly recommend a decent BBQ.

Trust me; it’s what I would have wanted. Look, I can’t speak for YOU, Gentle Reader; I’m just giving you a glimpse at my wishes.

Across the ages people have found interesting ways of interring their bodies and/or dispose of their earthly remains. Heck the Pharaohs had pyramids built to usher them into the afterlife, Gene Roddenberry (the father of my beloved Star Trek) launched his ashes into space to orbit the earth. There are people who go into cryogenic freezes and those whose ashes are pressed into diamonds. I’ve heard of people being interred inside their cars or with their pets but, quite frankly, most of that is boring. They still don’t make hearses with luggage racks; even in the 21st century. You just can’t take it with you and that’s ok, I’m one of those ‘Treasure in Heaven” types anyway.

But I digress… I tell you that to tell you this and I thought this was cool: Yup, that’s right; your earthly remains can now be pressed into vinyl. Now I ask you, Gentle Reader, how cool is that? As per the article: “The basic package costs £2,000 and comprises of the standard artwork along with up to 30 ash-flecked discs with whatever sounds you choose, lasting a maximum of 24 minutes.” 24 minutes! Hey depending on how much ash you make you could have up to 30 discs. Granted this service is only in England right now but, come on, with a service like this can we (citizens here Stateside) be all that far behind? I think not. Oh man, so what would you want to say or share?

I’ll have to give it some thought. Perhaps you will as well. Don’t worry our answers will not be graded. Right now I’m pulling for “Don’t Fear the Reaper”, “It’s the End of the World as We Know It”, “The Passenger”, “That’s Life” and “It is Well with My Soul”.

What’s on your permanent record?

[BTW the picture is from the And Vinyl site ( and Wired brought the original article to my attention. All the other insanity is mine all mine.]


RDOwens said...

Frank Sinatra: My Way

I'll pass on the viking funeral. Just cremate me, pay the bill, go back to work/have a drink/find a cache/whatever. I don't need the ceremony and I imagine it's a chore for anyone else to plan one, so my gift at death is that nothing is needed.

mommanator said...

O I so totally agree Owens!
chicken as you know my hubby passe I have been putting his ashes everywhere he has been! the grnsdkids love it. I have some in the car whereverI go! now thtas morbid! We all have necklaces with ashes in them!
AND the piece of resistance! My mother in law passed. My sister in law sent me all of the cremations left from the burial! I ahve been thinking of all things to do with em! Now I ask do I need them!????
Also, there is a place/person somewhere in NM or AZ who makes paintings with em, so you could have a wonderful pic on the wall with them hanging arround!

Merci said...

So that WASN'T a terror attack off of the coast of Cape May after all...