Weird Al Live

It was a wonderful Father’s Day weekend. And, for yours truly, there was nowhere and no one else that I wanted to spend it with then my family. We played, we ate, we giggled, we guffawed, and we spent time together as a unit (which is good since we can do more damage that way). It was great. I count my blessings every day for the other four members of the EC-5. I tell you this, Gentle Reader, because I would be remiss in not telling you about one of the greatest Father’s Day events of this past weekend. My family, Mother Hen and the Three Chicks, took me to see “Weird Al” Yankovic at the Atlantic City Hilton!

Friends… what a show it was.

I have been a fan of Al’s for the last 29 years or so. I had the “Weird Al Yankovic In 3D” album (yes, that’s right, album) which had the song, “Eat It” on it which was Al’s first big hit. Since then Al has had other big hits such as, “Amish Paradise” and “White & Nerdy”. These are great but there are so many wonderful songs… “Weasel Stomping Day”, “I Love Rocky Road”, “Another One Rides the Bus”, “Charles Nelson Riley”, “I Want To Be Your Hog”, “The Saga Begins” and “Don’t Download This Song” are all classic Al. If you have not discovered his catalog for yourself then I urge you to do so. Mother Hen and I grew up with his music and we have passed this love along to our children. The Three Chicks are HUGE fans too. I suppose that was as inevitable as the tides. When the opportunity to see him live presented itself we jumped.

I am so glad we did.

Yankovic’s genius is evident not only in the song writing or his longevity but also in his live performance where it really shines. A Weird Al show is a multimedia extravaganza but the musicianship and sound reproduction of the band simply cannot be discounted. Jon “Bermuda” Schwartz on drums, Jim West on guitar, Steve Jay on bass and Rubén Valtierra on the keys are formidable.

Some find it is easy to dismiss Al Yankovic as an artist and musician but I am here to tell you that any such aspersions are highly misguided. There have been efforts for the last ten years or so to have him inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Gentle Reader, I am here to say that they deserve to be there.

If you get the chance to see him and the rest of the band live do so. You will not be disappointed.

Toy Story 3

Buzz, Woody and company are back. They have had two previous excursions into film. “Toy Story” launched the storytelling Juggernaut that PIXAR evolved into back in 1995 and they changed the world. This one closes the story arc and gives a nod to the inevitable passage of time. Andy has grown up. He is 17 and he is heading to college. This leaves the remaining toys in his room in a serious dilemma. Will they make it to the attic for retirement, the curb for trash-day or be donated to the daycare center?

“Toy Story 3 – that’s kids stuff.”

Who are you? Who let you in here? There are those who simply do not deserve to smell the roses. Go now. Know that you leave with my pity and not my anger. Perhaps we shall meet again one day… perhaps at a tractor-pull.

Here is the deal; PIXAR consistently makes film that inspires, carries a message and touches the heart. I’m here to tell you that their record remains intact. Nine tenths of the regular live action stuff that Hollywood produces can’t even come close to PIXAR’s record. For yours truly, this is the best film that I have seen this year.

So there you have it, get to a nice air-conditioned theater and behold the latest PIXAR masterpiece. Gentle Reader, you will be glad that you did. I could gush further about how great PIXAR’s track record is. I could tell you that this is the final chapter in the “Toy Story” saga. I could retread all the wonderful things that other critics have said about this film but, in all actuality, that just keeps you out of the theater longer.

No.

You need to see this film on the big screen. It comes in 2D and 3D. We saw the 3D. Whichever mode of story delivery you chose you will not be disappointed. Be warned, however, PIXAR will sneak the emotional wallop in just when you think the water is safe. I’m glad that I was wearing the “Real 3D” glasses – it hid the tracks of my manly tears.

Saturday Morning Catch Up

Gentle Reader, it is good to touch base with you again. There has been much afoot here on this end of the internet connection so I do apologize for not checking in sooner.

“Really. …Really, Evil Chicken?”

Yes Really. I love Chicken Scratch but I’ve had some other irons in the fire lately.

“Really?”

Yes. Stop saying that. It’s getting annoying. Here are a few things that have been preoccupying my time…

A good friend and example to yours truly passed away recently. Mr. Michael McCarthy left us behind to be with the Lord. I do not weep for him. He went home. I weep for Cindy his wife, Mike his son and for the rest of us who knew him for the amazing man in the Lord that he was. I love ya Big Mike.

The act of collaboration! Myself and my partner in crime, Mr. Robert R. DeFrank completed a screenplay, “Being Others”. We registered it with WGA West and are now in the process of shopping it around. It’s family friendly fare that would work great on Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel (YOU HEAR THAT NICK & WALT!). It’s about a young man who gains a power that changes his life and what he does with said power. It’s got a good message and I’m jazzed to have another script registered with the WGA. This marks the fifth time that I have conspired with another writer on a script. Interestingly enough each time has been different and has presented their own unique series of challenges. When you collaborate on a project you have to not only find your voice but co-conspirator’s voice as well. Once that happens all you have to do is serve the story. After some initial hiccups Bob and I have a script that we are very pleased with. I’ll let you know how it goes, Gentle Reader.

Speaking of the WGA, I also registered a short screenplay based on a short story I wrote a couple of years ago called, “NO RETURNS”. After it was registered I entered it into a short script competition called the Gimme Credit Short Script Competition. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Speaking of collaborators; I had the pleasure of acting in a short film, “For Love of Zombies” by Ron DiPrimio I was a cemetery caretaker and then I was a zombie. Ron and I have written two scripts together. We pitched them in LA some years back. I am very pleased to see that he continues to move forward with his writing and his filmmaking. He’s a talented guy and I can’t wait to see the finished product!

I am working on two books. One is a collection of essays and the other is a collection of short stories. There will be much more about this in the future here at Chicken Scratch.

I’ve got a couple of blogs in my back pocket…

Oh man, I’ve gotta go… Mother Hen, who is busier than I am these days, just said that we are running late for a Geocaching Event.

Talk soon, Gentle Reader

Thanks for stopping by!

Want to Win an AT-AT?

If you just asked the question, “What’s an AT-AT?” Thank you for stopping by. This particular blog posting is NOT for you. No hard feelings, Gentle Reader; I’ll see you next time.

Still here? Good. It is no big secret; I am a geek. If you are a geek too I HIGHLY recommend that you go to: http://www.wired.com/underwire/2010/05/celebrate-empire-strikes-backs-birthday-win-a-killer-at-at/.

“Why?”

I’ll tell you why – to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the film, “The Empire Strikes Back”, Wired Magazine is giving away a new version of an old classic – an All Terrain Armored Transport. I have no doubt that you know that these are the weapons the Empire unleashed on the rebel base on Hoth. Yeah, it’s pretty iconic. Epic, dare I say.

“What do I have to do?”

Excellent question! All you have to do is comment about why YOU deserve such a favor. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Here is what I posted…


I’m not alone in saying that “Star Wars” changed my life. Seriously; “Star Wars” made me want to discover stories (in whatever form they materialize) and then, tell them. I think I saw it three times during that summer of 1977. And then George Lucas’s Empire really grew due to the magic of toy merchandizing. My favorite toy was my “Millennium Falcon”. It was choice. It held a slew of figures and had that cool 3D video game table from the movie. Oh yeah, it rocked.

When “The Empire Strikes Back” came out 30 years ago I remember being stunned; immobilized in the theater chair. [Gratuitously Unnecessary Spoiler Alert] How could Darth Vader by Luke’s father?! How is Leia going to rescue Han from Boba Fett? What is Luke going to do without a lightsaber? Why is Lando wearing Han’s hand me downs? [End Unnecessary Spoiler Alert] And then the next wave of toys came. I remember begging for a “Kenner” AT-AT Walker and, low and behold, for my birthday I got one! I loved that thing; it was like a multi-jointed Old Yeller without the rabies and need to go outside. What a great toy. When “Return of the Jedi” came out and I was pleased to see that an AT-AT had a cameo appearance on that forest moon of Endor. AT-AT’s need work too.

Time passed as time always does. I maintained my collection but, by this time, I had to pay the rent. It was a sad day but I sold my entire “Star Wars” collection; all for a roof over our heads (did I mention I was now married? No? Well now you know that too). I sold my childhood that fateful day and winning this “Hasbro” AT-AT would bring a bit of that back.

Say, you guys don’t happen to have an extra Millennium Falcon hanging around, do you?


…There. That wasn’t so bad was it?

Now try your hand at it! However, I must warn you… I have already picked out a space in the Chicken’s Lair where the AT-AT will grace.

Good Luck.

Raw Video: Atlantis Blasts Off on Final Voyage

This is the last time that Atlantis will fly.

One Book, One Twitter

This is a great idea – One Book, One Twitter. If all goes well this will become the largest book club the world has ever seen. Check it out for yourself here: http://www.crowdsourcing.com/cs/2010/05/ready-set-read-the-one-book-one-twitter-discussion-schedule.html.

The first book that will be discussed is Neil Gaiman’s “American Gods”; which, by the way, is a great read. Before you hit the library, bookstore or download the ebook get a flavor for the story right here from the publisher: http://browseinside.harpercollins.com/index.aspx?isbn13=9780060558123&WT.mc_id=author_AmerGods_FullAccess_022208. This is the first 5 chapters which should get you into the second week before you buy or borrow.

Enjoy the read and enjoy the discussion! Remember, you’ve got to put “#1b1t” at the end of you tweet.

See you in the discussion forum!

He's OUT!

I’m not a big sports fan. Movies? Sure. Books? You bet. Baseball? Not so much. While this is true there are moments when even I must take notice. Such moments are frozen in time marked by amazing feats of achievement and skill. These moments bring out the best of what we, as humanity, have to offer. These are shining moments that etch their way into history books and into the hearts of fans and participants too. Times that you look at and say to yourself, “Man, I wish we were there so that the kids could have seen that.” Well, such a moment passed last night. Here are the details: http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/story?section=news/sports/pro/baseball&id=7421034

A police officer shot a Phillies fan with a Taser gun in the bottom of the eighth inning. The kid (17) had jumped the fence and was evading the guards so the officer did the obvious, most logical thing and shot him in front of the sell out crowd. His electrified and twitching body an example to all who never believed that a police officer could get an out in the bottom of the eighth; marking the very first time that a Taser was used to subdue a spectator who ran onto the field.

Streakers beware.

Once he regains conciseness the kid is going to be charged with criminal trespass, related offenses and for wearing a Phillies tee shirt while spasming on the field.

Ma, apple pie & baseball… Man, I love ‘em!

The Return of Snake Plissken?

Here is the headline, “Breck Eisner directing 'Escape From New York'”. See for yourself here at: http://www.heatvisionblog.com/2010/04/breck-eisner-directing-escape-from-new-york.html.

Now that that is out of the way please allow me a moment to vent my mixed feelings at this announcement. You see, Gentle Reader, John Carpenter’s “Escape from New York” is near and dear to my heart and to hear such talk upsets the ole’ apple cart, so to speak. I faced this a couple of months ago when Gerard Butler was up for the roll that Kurt Russell owns.

Please give me a moment…



Deep breathe. Exhale.



Good. That’s better…

These days one has to look at remakes and “re-imaginings” of beloved projects as par for the course. The directors that loved this stuff growing up are fans and geeks just like me. Of course they are going to want to play in the sandbox of some of their favorite characters. Who wouldn’t? When Ronald Moore announced that he was given the reins to a new “Battlestar Galactica” I was initially up in arms. After seeing what he shaped it into and the shear love of the story that he poured into the project I find it hard to see a Cylon without the stamp of Ronald Moore upon it. Yes I love the original but the remake / re-imagining is so much more engrossing; so much… (dare I say) BETTER.

The same thing happened back in 1982 when a young filmmaker decided that he was going to remake the science fiction classic, “The Thing”. Just who did this guy think he was messing with a classic that generations of movie geeks had grown to love? What could he do that the original filmmakers couldn’t? As it turns out that young filmmaker knew what he was doing. He pulled the best remake EVER out of his hat, “John Carpenter’s The Thing”. It is one of my all time favorite films.

I love John Carpenter. I love his films. I miss him. Horribly. I wish that he had started a school or had taken some pupils under his wing like Roger Corman did for him. Carpenter HAS something to say. What kills me is that he is keeping it to himself these days. The cinematic world is the poorer for it.

In a perfect world I would love to see a John Carpenter directed and Kurt Russell staring part three to the saga of Snake Plissken. One where Snake turns the world back on (since he shut it down in part two) where the powers that be decide that he is more a risk than an asset and where Plissken makes the escape that we never expected.

Since this is not a perfect cinematic world I am no longer inclined to write off a remake / re-imagining of one of my ALL TIME FAVORITE FILMS. Yeah, I know, it’s kooky but what can I say, Snake Plissken is one of my ALL TIME favorite Anti-Heroes. He packs way too much angst and memory to resist. I truly wish it would be Kurt in the role but “remakes” do not lend themselves to “trilogies”.

Come what may, I’ll see you at the multiplex – eye patch in hand.

Surrounded by Stories Surreal and Sublime

“Surrounded by stories surreal and sublime I fell in love in a library once upon a time.” – Jimmy Buffett

Once upon a time a boy met a girl in a bookstore. She worked there and the boy bought a lot of books from her. Sometimes he read the books sometimes he did not; this does not lessen the fact that he bought a lot of books from her. One day the boy mustered up the courage to ask the girl out and, to the boy’s amazement, the girl said, “Yes.”

They went out together on a handful of dates but their appointed time had not yet come. They went their separate ways both knowing that there was something there… something special. Time passed and, as luck would have it, the two ran into each other in night school at college. He was taking a literature course and she… well; she was there. His heart jumped into his throat when he saw her. His friend who was on the payphone to her boyfriend knew the situation between the two and advised the boy. “Don’t say anything.” She said, as the girl was getting closer to where the boy and his friend stood. “Say nothing!” she said. He could swear that the girl had seen him. She was getting closer now. “Don’t talk to her.” The boy’s friend said just out of earshot of the girl.

“Linda?” the boy asked knowing it was she all along. The boy’s friend rolled her eyes.

“George?” the girl replied.

And it came to pass that a conversation was struck. Subsequent nights found the two talking in the parking lot for hours at a time. There were nights that security had to shut off the lights just to get the pair off of the property. The two had found each other once again and their appointed time was approaching. Late night coffees turned into dating; dating turned into a deeper relationship. Soon the girl met the boy’s mother and the boy met the girl’s parents. One day the boy mustered up the courage to ask the girl to marry him and, to the boy’s amazement, the girl said, “Yes.”

Twenty years ago their appointed time had come. The girl and the boy got married at the First Baptist Church in Wildwood New Jersey. She was beautiful. He was nervous – so much so that after the ceremony he ran least three red lights on the way to dinner.

The two then got down to the business of life and, if you are paying any attention at all, is a commodity that moves quickly. There were adventures and misadventures, there was laughter and tears but the two knew that they were stronger together than either had ever been apart. The two had a daughter; and then there were three. Then another; and then there were four. Then another; and then there were five and oh the adventures they had! Over the span of those twenty years, the girl and the boy became a woman and a man; growing up and growing together with deep roots, always stronger together than apart. As for the FIVE? Well, they are still having adventures and their tales are still being written and told. It was stories that brought the two together and the wonder of the legends yet to unfold that has the two excited for what future chapters may bring.

We truly have lived our lives surrounded by stories surreal and sublime. Happy anniversary Lady; I can’t wait to see what’s next.

That’s My Story and I’m Stickin’ to It

So we are heading to the “Liar Liar” Geocaching Event on Saturday morning; which was all part of the plan. We drove up the overpass on Route 55 and down the ramp to the hamlet of Deptford NJ where to our wondering eyes did see a traveling carnival being set up in the parking lot of a closed down movie theater.

“Can we go?” shouted two of the three kids from the backseat of our SUV.

“No.” I said listening to the groans of disappointment gush from over from the backseat.

“Why not, Dad?” Chick 3.0 asked. “It would be fun.”

“There!” I said pointing at the attractions from our view at the stoplight, “That’s why not.” Four sets of eyes surveyed the rickety view. Half constructed rides that twirled, dropped or rotated at amazing spleen crushing speeds. There were names like “The Gut-Masher”, the “Vomit-Tron” and “The Mangler”. I could have sworn that the letters were shaped like broken bones on that one. In my mind’s eye I could see the unforgiving gas engines turning gears, pulling chains that made the wobbly, poorly constructed rides work. In my imagination I could see a man with a hook for a hand turn in our direction and scream through the greasy smoke of the funnel cakes and hot dog carts, “DO YOU KNOW HOW I LOST THIS?”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Chick 2.0 asked.

Before I could explain to my 13 year-old exactly what was wrong with that Mother Hen spoke, “I use to love going to the fair.”

“This is not a fair – it’s an Erector Set gone horribly awry!”

“What’s an Erector Set?” Chick 3.0 asked.

Mother Hen smiled. “Let’s take a look at what they’re doing.”

“I don’t know, Carnies don’t like to be disturbed.” I said.

“Carnies?” Chick 1.0 asked with a grin on her face.

“People who work at carnivals and traveling fairs – carnies.”

“So will they have games?” Chick 1.0 asked. “I love to play the games.”

“Games! I think you have to sign a waiver to play ‘em.” I said.

“Oh come on, it’s not that bad.” Mother Hen said. “Come on, let’s see what they’re up to.”

The light turned green and instead of driving straight to the event I turned into the parking lot. We made our way to the outskirts of the fair where workers looked up from their toils and watched us with untrusting eyes.

“Isn’t this cool!” Chick 2.0 said. I smiled at the workers as our SUV moved further on into the bowels of the fair.

We could see two men suspended on harnesses trying to secure a HUGE bowling ball to the top of a set of cartoonishly rendered bowling pins. They must have been 30 feet in the air. There was a sign underneath them that read, “Mad Jack’s Beyond Bowl-A-Drome”.

“They have games!” Chick 1.0 said.

A figure stepped in front of our SUV. I was going slowly but it still jarred us as I stomped on the brakes. No lie, this guy was dressed just like Indiana Jones. I didn’t know if he was a carnie, a sci-fi convention attendee, a mental patient or a geocacher. I just didn’t know. However, I did know that he was pretty faithful to the character from the fedora adorning his stubble-chinned head to the Mark VII British gasmask bag hanging to his left side. He had the beaten leather jacket, the bullwhip and a holster on his right hip that I was praying did not hold a Webley Mark VI like Indy’s did. He sneered at me and purposefully walked to my side of the SUV. Unfortunately, I already had the window down.

“Just what do you think you’re doin’ here?” Indy asked.

“We were curious and wanted to take a look.” I said.

“We ain’t open yet.” Indy said. Another worker who bore a striking resemblance to Chunk from “The Goonies” came over and stood just by Indy’s shoulder. Chunk was looking inside our SUV with that one good eye of his. I could see that he had Summer Teeth dentition – some are here, some are there.

“So when do you open?” I asked.

“When we are not being interrupted by trespassers.”

“Yah.” Chunk said. “Trespassers.”

“Trespassers? This is a public lot. We might be future customers.” I said although neither Indy nor I believed the later part of what I had just said.

“You’re trespassers!” Indy said. I’m sure he was going to say something else but an ear splitting CRACK interrupted him. As it turns out the two guys working on that huge bowling ball they sheared the bolts off of the thing and gravity was about to have its way with anything or anyone standing in its way. I saw the look of fear race across Indy’s and Chunk’s faces as the bowling ball… I’m sorry that’s not right… the BOWLING BALL crashed down and began to roll towards us. Sensing impending doom Indiana Jones ran past us with the Huge Bowling Ball in hot pursuit.

“INDIANA, INDIANA!” Chunk cried as he ran after him. He had a bit of a limp but this did not stop him from aiding his friend.

The five of us stared at the scene, jaws open. “All right then.” I said. “Who’s hungry?” Mother Hen looked in my direction as I put the SUV into drive and we made our way to Joe & Sue’s Liar Liar Breakfast Event (which was GREAT by the way).

Now if I could only get the theme to “Raiders of the Lost Ark” out of my head. Den da da da, Den da da!

Another County Heard From

I’ve been on an e-reader kick and I had the choice narrowed down to one of two units – the iPad or the Kobo. I showed Mother Hen the Kobo and a few hours later she presents me with this other possible e-reader option, the Aluratek Libre. It’s got a long battery life, a couple of gig for space, an easy to read 5 inch screen and a doable price (about a buck forty). It does not have wireless ordering but I don’t mind if I have to USB it into my laptop to upload books; especially when the 2 gigs will hold about a thousand books. It is a LOT cheaper than the iPad and unlike the Kobo it is available now. Now if I could only get a sleeve for it that says, “Don’t Panic!” I’d be in geek nirvana.

It may be our first e-reader.

Here’s hopin’!

Print Will Never be “Dead” but the Ole Rag Ain’t what She Use to Be

Oh no, Gentle Reader, the death of print will, thankfully, never be the case. There will always be a need for print media. That being said the newspaper industry is in for some hard times. E-readers are going to be the next BIG thing. If it is a Kindle, a Nook, a Sony, an iPad (which is a step towards the obsolescence of magazines too) or one of these puppies; the Kobo (http://www.wired.com/gadgetlab/2010/03/150-kobo-ereader-the-real-kindle-killer?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+wired%2Findex+%28Wired%3A+Index+3+%28Top+Stories+2%29%29). When I read about the Kobo I thought of filling my Christmas list with at least 3 (possibly 4) of ‘em. FINALLY an e-reader that is multiple platforms instead of just what Amazon is selling. The $150.00 price tag – HALF the price of a Kindle is nothing to sneeze at either.

Any way… getting back to print… This very evening while shopping at my local Shoprite I ran into two attractive middle-aged women who were trying to see subscriptions to the Atlantic City Press. “Would you like to have a subscription to The Atlantic City Press and receive a $10.00 coupon good for shopping here?”

“I’m sorry, I’m illiterate.” I lied.

“No you’re not.” She said. But it was too late; I had already started to put my junk onto the self-check out isle (I LOVE to avoid the contact of human cashiers).

They asked the next guy they saw. After hearing the question he said, “Why would I buy the paper when I have the internet?”

BAM! The game was up. That guy was right. If I wasn’t loading my groceries or have just lied to one of the quasi-attractive ladies selling the Press I would have asked the same question. Of course I would have followed it up by asking them when is the Atlantic City Press going to offer a viable digital delivery? Seriously. Just why would one purchase a newspaper these days – for the coupons?

NO. The gentleman in question answered the ladies inquiries by saying, “I can just print ‘em out.” He said goodbye to the ladies by wishing them a nice day but the truth was still hanging in the air. The newspaper business is dying. Do a search for the New York Times and it’s struggles to remain viable in an instantaneous world and you’ll begin to see the scope of this latest revolution. Oh well. Learn to use new technologies or let them put you out of business. That is the reality of the newspaper world. It was true for the record industry, the movie industry and it is true for ANY other media industry – Change or Die.

Seriously.

Right now, at this moment in the twenty-first century, the only thing holding back a BANGIN’ e-reader are the copyright holders.

Seriously.

I myself can’t wait for the day that YOU, Gentle Reader, will be able to download your favorite blogs to your e-reader. Kindle is experimenting with it now but it is only a matter of time before it is industry wide. Printing will be in the hands of the people – talk about your “freedom of the press!” The big boys (publishers) will have to adapt or die.

Seriously.

Here’s hopin’ that Chicken Scratch will be on your reading list.

82nd Academy Awards

[NOTE: I am a cinema geek. I love movies & film. If you are not interested then do us both a favor PLEASE go. Move along. There is NOTHING for you to see here. You’ll be happier and so will I. Really.]

[NOTE 2.0: This year I did something for my Pre-Ceremony Blog that I have never done before – that is I threatened to never write about the Oscars again if a certain actor, Mr. Christoph Waltz did not win for his role in “Inglorious Basterds”. Congratulations Mr. Waltz; we are both happy that you took home that golden baldy.]

Still with me… Yes? My dear, Gentle Reader, you never disappoint and God bless you for it. Now then, let’s get down to business…

Some words about last night’s festivities: Viewership was up 15% over the last 5 years. Why? I’m not sure. It may have had something to do with the co-hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, perhaps there was nothing else on or maybe there are more movie fans out there than were expected? Whatever the case the 82nd Academy Awards is now one for the history books. I think that Martin and Baldwin were great and I was pleased that the dance numbers were kept to a minimum (although I loved to see Neil Patrick Harris open the show with that number). I don’t dig the pre-show stuff and I could care less “who” the stars/starlets are wearing. No; for yours truly the Academy Awards should be more than that. It should be a celebration of cinema. Last night worked save for a few flubs for actresses/actors who have never acted in front of a group of real live human beings and are only use to cameras. The salute to John Hughes was magnificent. His films defined my generation. The salute to horror films was horrible. Those “Twilight” actors remain truly useless – especially the girl. I won’t refresh our memories as to her name; it is not important to either of us. On the plus side, I really love the way that they introduce the “Best Actress” and “Best Actor” awards where peers that have worked with the nominees come out and speak briefly about the individual who just may walk home with the Oscar. Very classy.

Now then…

Every year I have it out with that little 8.5 lbs, golden boy known as, “Oscar”. I choose my picks for my favorite categories and go toe to toe with that little doorstop. This year was no different… http://evilchickenscratch.blogspot.com/2010/02/82nd-academy-awards.html.

Out of the nine categories that I listed in the above noted blog Oscar took three and I took six. Not that I’m tooting my own horn but… HA, OSCAR! TAKE THAT!

...Nah, just kiddin’. It was fun to watch unfold. The three that I misfired on were Best Actor, Mr. Jeff Bridges for “Crazy Heart”, Best Supporting Actress, Mo’Nique for “Precious” and for Best Adapted Screenplay for “Precious”. I did not see either of these movies before I made my picks. I believe that in order to pick the winners correctly one must try to think like the Academy thinks. This is not as easy as it sounds but it works more often than not. Still, “Crazy Heart” and “Precious” are now on my radar for their DVD releases.

I may have won this time Oscar but I know you will be up for a rematch next year. Until then, Oscar, I’ll be watching.

Iron Man 2 Trailer 2 (OFFICIAL)

This will sell a lot of popcorn… popcorn that I will be buying. Marvel is really hitting all the right notes here. For any Marvel Zombies out there check out the Suitcase Armor. I’ve got geek chills. : )

BTW – sorry for the embedded commercial. The trailer is worth the wait.

The Reach of Project Natal

“So have you seen the Natal?” friend Number One asked.

“Nope.” I said, “Although it sounds familiar.”

“WHAT!” said friend Number Two. “You have GOT to see the trailers.”

“Trailers?” I asked.

“YOU haven’t seen the trailers?” said friend Number One. “You’ve got to see the trailers.”

“Yes,” said friend Number Two, “You’ve got to see the trailers.”

So I saw the trailers. You should see the trailers too. I will give the links in a few moments but prepare yourselves, Gentle Readers, although what you are about to see is for a “video game system” what you are truly about to see is the future. Really. I don’t shill for Microsoft / X-box (although if you are out there Microsoft / X-box, I wouldn’t mind shilling for you… forgive me. I digress). I do not have any stake other than sharing with you what I believe is the dawn of a new era in computer electronic human interface.

The first trailer is cute it shows some of the possibilities of this interface with gaming and with social networking. It can be found here: http://www.xbox.com/en-US/live/projectnatal/.

The second trailer hints at what could become something so much… more. It can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PYPh6qo03gA.

With facial, body and voice recognition Project Natal changes the playing field. A few years ago when the Nintendo Wii came out Sony and Microsoft had been spending their time developing systems with graphics reproduction processors and digital sound – which are important things IF you are a gamer. Nintendo, on the other hand, invested in revolution. With their wireless motion controllers and nun chucks they made it possible for even non-gamers to play video games. It was a simple idea that shook the whole industry and made Nintendo the lead dog of the video game console dog team. Your grandmother may not want to be on your “Call of Duty” strike team but she absolutely loves to bowl with you on the Wii. And just why is that? It is because it is accessible. It is familiar. Nintendo did not have to have the best processing because they had the best interface. That was a historic step. Initially the other companies called the Wii a fad (just like 30 years ago people called video games ‘a fad’). But year after year with the Wii at the top of the heap the other companies decided to develop their own Wii type interfaces. Sony practically copied the Wii Remote (which has not been released yet) and Microsoft developed the Natal. The difference between the two is that the Sony controller is a retread and the Natal is the forward motion of not only gaming but of computer interfacing itself. It surpasses the Wii and, for lack of a better phrase, is the next step in whatever the future may hold.

Enter the X-box Natal. With the Natal now your X-box knows who you are. It recognizes you. It knows the sound of your voice. It tailors itself to fit your needs. This opens up gaming, storytelling and participatory theater to a completely new level. Don’t believe me? Here is some guy named Spielberg to give his two cents concerning the Natal: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_3X8TY32f0.

Now let’s consider the future. Can you imagine what the first social interactions or Facebook / Natal interfaces would be? Hundreds of millions of people out there all with their own avatars ready, willing and able to communicate in ways not even dreamed of with a mouse and a keyboard. How about the Windows Natal Browser? I kid you not; this is the shape of things to come. One does not have to be The Amazing Kreskin to see what the future may be here – what it will be here. Can you imagine what a Natal Enabled Classroom would look like? How about Natal Enabled medical records or business presentations? A Natal PowerPoint is not beyond the realm of possibility – it is the same company.

With all of the benefits that such an interface would deliver what concerns me are some of the potential detriments. There will be people who are going to get so enraptured with all the virtual worlds inside the Natal that the real one would fade in comparison. There will be those who like there lives more inside the Natal than on the outside. There are friends inside there. They understand. They cater to one’s needs, wants and desires. Sure they are relating to programs within an electronic construct but if the shoe fits… For these souls Natal Anonymous chapters would open up. I can already hear the empty talking heads on the morning news programs – “Technology, how much is too much?” The answer to that lies only in the boundaries of human imagination. The simple fact of the matter is once the genie is out of the bottle the world has moved on. There is no going back – nor should there be. However; for every step forward, throughout history mind you, there are those who are willing and able to take three steps back. There were people who said that horseless carriages would never last; that man would never fly. There were those who said that man would never walk on the moon. There were some who said average everyday people would never need anything like a personal computer. There were those who said video games were just a fad. You get the idea. This technology is here and it will be here to stay. Users will have to adapt and the Natal makes adaptation such an easy feat. Those that don't will be left behind.

“If this is the real deal, what about addiction?”

In the grand scale bell curve of progress you will find on either side of that curve people who will utilize a new technology (or anything for that matter) too much or too little. If you like cars or motorcycles you are a “Gear Head”. If you like computers and what makes them run you are a “Tech Head”. If you like either of these pastimes too much and it monopolizes your time where you are constantly thinking about (insert addiction here) then you may have a problem (of course you may also have a clear career path too). For the vast majority on this future bell curve it will be a tool; a new way to communicate. And just as with anything there will be those who are better at new technologies than others and there will be those who will eternally have their digital clocks blinking 12:00 AM.

As for having an addiction? “My name is Evil Chicken and I have (or will have) a Natal problem.” There. I’ve said it. I’ve taken the first step to recovery.

We have looked at the good and the bad of the Natal; now let’s look at the ugly. Facial and Voice recognition, tens of millions of users worldwide – each with their own personal identification and profiles that they update themselves? All cataloged in one place! Right now, I kid you not, there are think tanks and organizations (governmental and otherwise) filled with people wringing their hands and stroking their pencil thin mustaches who are overcome with joy with frenzied looks in their eyes at the prospect of having all of that information at their fingertips. The information that they have is yours. Big Brother now is no longer just watching you. No. Now he is playing volleyball with you in your living room. He is able to sit in on each and every video chat that you have with your cousin in Seattle or your wife back home in Jersey or your doctor’s office. He is able to see what sites you go to and what you buy online. Whatever the camera’s eye sees or the electronic ear hears someone, somewhere can see it too. Money may make the world go round but information? Information is power. Power is the drug that fuels the engines of despotism, tyranny and repression.

“Oh come on, Evil Chicken. You are being paranoid. That could never happen.”

No? Not to sound too much like a conspiracy theorist please consider the case of the school in Lower Merion Township in Pennsylvania and how they were activating the web cams on student’s computers to “track missing laptops”. Read ‘em and weep: http://www.wired.com/threatlevel/2010/02/school-district-halts-webcam-surveillance/.

This is only a small abuse of power. I am not even going to discuss the HUGE abuses of power that the big fish could perpetrate in this equation. Do a search on Google and the NSA who have been recently working together. I am going to hazard a guess and say that Google will be one or the options for search engines on future models of the Natal. “Don’t be evil” was nice while it lasted – however long that was. Now imagine that it is your turn to be reviewed or audited as for your habits of what you do online or, in the near future, on the Natal Network. We voluntarily give out so much of our information and our personal freedoms so willingly all in the names of entertainment and security. Perhaps it will be something as "innocuous" as selling your demographic info to advertising agencies? Perhaps the monitoring will be chalked up to "national security" or "finding terrorists". Whatever the case YOU will be watched. You will be told it is for your own good. Only history will hold the answer to if the clandestine monitoring / spying was worth the price of identity.

Please forgive me… "Who watches the watchmen" is only a part of this equation. This is still about the Natal, which has the power of becoming an amazing new tool for the ages. As with any tool it is only as good as the craftsman who is using it. The same can be said for the craftsman’s intentions. Whether you believe Microsoft can deliver on the Natal or not it will be in stores for Christmas 2010.

I’ll be camping out for one. I believe that for the future the Good will be worth the Bad and that the Ugly have always been with us – they just have better tools now.

I’ll see you in line.

Blu-Ray Dossier 6.0

We’ve got a lot of ground to cover this time out. That Snowpocalypse II had me watching movies on Blu-ray at an amazing rate. Speaking of rates; I rate films on a two tier, 5 Star system based on story first and jaw dropping Blu-ray quality second. This means that a really awful movie could have a really great Blu-ray score. Conversely, that same movie would score pretty low on the whole “Story” portion of my rating system and, I do not say this lightly, Story makes the world go round. All right. That’s that. Let’s get down to business…

Grindhouse – Death Proof: 4 Stars / 4 Stars. It is no great secret, I love Quinton Tarantino and this was his half of the Grindhouse double feature that he and Robert Rodriguez put together a couple of years ago. It is not for everyone. There is a lot of language and violence but Tarantino uses both as tools for his storytelling. It is not for kids or the faint of heart. It is for people who loved the old style, seventies movie house cinema. If that was your bag then Grindhouse Death Proof is for you. I love the scratches and intentional skipping that simulates the changing of the reels on the projector. Watching this is like watching a slice of history. Also, Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike is something to see. Tarantino and Rodriguez are fans and it shows.

The Hangover: 4 Stars / 4 Stars. This is a comedy and it is wrong on a lot of levels. It also happens to be flat out hilarious. The story revolves around four guys in Las Vegas during a bachelor party. They wake up and do not remember a thing. They notice that the soon to be groom is missing and have to reconstruct the previous night in order to get the betrothed to the church on time. You will laugh at this movie and, just like the guys in this movie, you may hate yourself in the morning for doing so but you will laugh. The Blu-ray of the strip at night caught my attention.

Labyrinth: 3.5 Stars / 3 Stars. I saw this with my three daughters and, since they were the target audience even after all these years since the release date, the three of them loved it. What can I say, it’s Muppets, it’s Bowie as the Goblin King and it’s a performance from a young Jennifer Connelly. There are worse ways to pass an afternoon.

Reign of Fire: 1 Star / 2 Stars. Don’t rent this. It is not worth your money or your time. It is a shame when good actors get trapped in bad projects. This is a bad project. The helicopter flight over what may or may not be the Cliffs of Dover earns it a 2 star Blu-ray factor but with a 1 Star check in the Story column… just find another picture to see.

The Hurt Locker: 5 Stars / 4.5 Stars. This is a brilliant film directed by Karen Bigelow; that follows an EOD (Explosive Ordinance Detonation) team in Iraq. “The rush of battle is a potent and often lethal addiction, for war is a drug” – Chris Hedges. I had not seen this before my Oscar blog (http://evilchickenscratch.blogspot.com/2010/02/82nd-academy-awards.html). If I had the blog may have read differently. This film deserves ANY and ALL awards that it garnishes. The three lead actors are unbelievable. The characterization is flawless. Not to give too much away but some of the most powerful moments in a powerful film are when Sgt. James (Jeremy Renner) is home with his family and back in civilian life at least while on leave. Picking out a box of cereal proves more impossible than defusing a roadside IED. There is a moment when he is alone with his barely a toddler son and tells him that when you are young there is so much that you love but when you get to be his age there are only two… No. “One thing” that you may love. For Sgt. James that one thing is the adrenalin high of combat and doing his job on the EOD Team in Iraq. Do not miss this film.

The Wizard of Oz: 5 Stars / 4 Stars. Timeless. I explained to my three daughters that when I was a kid that this move only was shown on network television once a year and each and every year it was a treat; something special. This film is over 70 years old and I’m happy to report it is still something special. It is now in 1080p. What I loved best was watching my youngest daughter’s socks get blown off when it switches between black & white to beautiful Technicolor. The magic still works. It looks beautiful in Blu-ray. This just might find it’s way into our collection.

Star Wars the Clone Wars: 3.5 Stars / 4 Stars. Just when I think I’m out George Lucas keeps pulling me back in. This premise and concept are the “Star Wars” movies that Lucas may have been shooting for with the prequel trilogy (although “Episode III” had some great stuff going for it). This is computer animated Star Wars and, dare I say, some of the special effect battles are better than those found in the original trilogy (which BTW is sacred to me). This was much better than I expected and it has fostered an interest in me to seek out the “Clone Wars” series on DVD to rent. What do you know? Star Wars is still cool.

That’s all I’ve got for now, Gentle Reader. Until next time, I’ll see you online at Blockbuster!

Your Chance to Get Away From it ALL

Now here is a contest that could prove interesting: http://ow.ly/15GAF. All you have to do to win $10,000 is to disappear for a month’s time.

“Oh I could do that.”

Really, Gentle Reader? Disappearing is not all that easy in the second decade of the 21st century. “I think I’ll grab a cup of coffee and a magazine.” BOOM you just used your ATM card – you can be found. “Maybe I’ll rent a car and hit the open road.” BAM you just used your credit card and now you’ve made a paper trail. “Maybe I’ll just lay low at a friend’s house.” ZAP did I mention that there would be people looking for you? “Well, I’ll just drive my car north, south, east or west.” WHAM you have a license plate and an EZ Pass do you think you are not being monitored? …Oh the quest for 10 Gees in this day and age is not that easy after all.

That being said, I think I could do it. Evan Ratliff managed to make it for 25 days without being detected (http://www.wired.com/vanish/). Not for nuthin’ but I think that I could do better. I believe that if one is dedicated to living off the grid for a month’s time; that one could become 10 K richer.

“Off the grid?” Yeah, that’s what I said; you’ve got to go Gilligan’s Island – no phone, no light, no motorcar – not a single luxury. Or, you could hide in plain sight. Perhaps you would have help; perhaps you wouldn’t – HOWEVER it plays out it would make a GREAT story.

Perhaps I’m diluting myself but I could do that. What I would miss the most would be my family. BUT after Daddy won the 10 Grand we would all be going on a Disney Cruise; and that, Gentle Reader, is quality time.

So do you have the wherewithal to pull this off? Can you take a month off from your job and your responsibilities? Can you pass the background check? Could you effectively disappear?

This is your chance to find out.

NOTE: I found a cool picture of a magician on stage doing his thing but it disappeared. Hmm...

The Blu-Ray Dossier 5.0

As I write this, Gentle Reader, there is snow on the ground. No that does not really say it right at all please let me try once again… As I writer this there is SNOW on the ground (2 feet plus).

Yeah, that’s better.

Now I ask you, when is a better time for a movie marathon then one is snowed in? That being said, that’s what I’ve been up to (in between shoveling that is). Welcome to the latest edition of The Blu-Ray Dossier. This is the fifth in an ongoing quest to find the best Blu-ray movies and rate them on a 5 star scale for both story and jaw dropping Blu-ray picture quality. That being said here is what I saw…

Kill Bill Volume I: 4.5 Stars / 4 Stars. Who working in the cinema today is making such consistently great movies as Mr. Quentin Tarantino? He is having too much fun. This is a story of a woman, a man and a cabal of assassins and, oh yes, it is about revenge. Uma Thurman is Quentin’s muse for a reason – she is electric as “The Bride”. The dialogue and the storytelling is what sets this apart from other such fare. Who else would put in an anime flashback into the history of an assassin or use brilliantly choreographed over the top cartoon violence during the battle of the Bride vs. the Crazy 88s? This is a love letter to the 70s kung-fu movies from days of yore and I lapped it up.

The Road Warrior: 4.5 Stars / 3.5 Stars. I remember begging my father to take me to see this on the big screen when it first came to the shores of America. I have loved this movie ever since. After the first film, “Mad Max”, Max’s humanity was put on hold. In “The Road Warrior” Max finds his humanity again. This film set the bar for car chases and all things Armageddon related on celluloid, in the world of video games (see Fallout 3) and in popular culture. The Blu-ray was acceptable but it didn’t have the slack jawed beauty that I look for these days. It’s a good transfer – my jaw just didn’t drop.

Kill Bill Volume II: 4.5 Stars / 4 Stars. Did I mention that this is probably one on David Carradine’s finest performances? Did I happen to say that the music in a Tarantino film is simply spot on the money and that it almost becomes a character itself? Did I mention that the Five Point Exploding Heart Technique of Pai Mai’s is very hard to master or that I want a Hattori Hanzō sword? Sorry… I probably forgot. BTW, did I mention that Quentin Tarantino is a genius?

John Carpenter’s The Thing: 4.5 Stars / 4 Stars. This is one of John Carpenter’s finest films and a favorite of mine ever since it came out in 1982. This is one of those rare occasions where the remake is better than the original – and, yes, I loved the original too. The Thing copies DNA. If it were to make its way to civilization humanity is doomed. Trust, isolation and sacrifice are at the core of this film – well that and some of the best special effects that could be mustered in the early eighties. Kurt Russell and John Carpenter were able to capture some amazing things (pardon the pun) on film and their collaborations are some of my all time favorite films. If you have not seen it yet you should give it a try… especially if you happen to be snowed in.

Zombieland: 4.5 Stars / 4 Stars. This is a fun movie – bottom line. It is a zombie movie (although technically they are not zombies) and there is gore but all that gives way to the story, the characterizations and the humor. This is a great cast that includes Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee the zombie survivalist in search of a Twinkie and Jesse Eisenberg as Columbus who provides the narrative of their adventures. Columbus also has a running list of “Rules” that would prove beneficial when the zombie uprising happens in 2012 including; “Number 1: Cardio”, “Number 2: Double Tap” and “Number 32: Enjoy the Little Things”. You will have a good time with this movie.

The Shining: 5 Stars / 4.5 Stars. Although Stephen King does not like this version of his story Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 film is, as the film’s poster says, “A Masterpiece of Modern Horror”. There is a lot going on with this film and it does not answer all the questions that it asks which is a bit of shining brilliance. Is the Overlook Hotel simply haunted or are certain souls destine to return there over and over and over again? What’s going on in room 237 and is Lloyd really that great a bartender? Who or what was Tony – Danny’s protector, another piece of his psyche or something else? The cast really sells this story. Jack Nicholson is at his finest as Jack Torrance, Shelly Duval as his wife Wendy is perfect and Danny Lloyd as Danny performed way beyond his years. This is one of the greats of psychological horror, which is magnified in the Blu-ray format. The trip to the Overlook Hotel never looked so good. Snow plays heavily into the story and I can’t think of a better film to have in your Blu-ray player if you happen to be snowed in for the weekend. “HERE’S JOHNNY!”

So there you have it. That’s what’s been buttering my popcorn lately. What have you been watching and has it been on Blu-ray? I really cannot recommend the format more highly.

Until next time, save my space in line at Blockbuster!

Pentagon Working on Breeding Immortal Synthetic Organisms

So when does our technology outpace our humanity? Philosophers have struggled with the question for millennia. We have wrestled with the concept in books and films – trying to make sense of all of the giant leaps ahead all the while trying to keep a handle on our own place in the universe.

“What are you talking about, Evil Chicken?”

I’m talking about how the lines of fiction (some would say science fiction although that term truly does not adequately fit the context of most technological arguments anymore) and reality. Case in point, the Pentagon is, as the following article from Wired (although you can read this story anywhere), “looking to breed immortal, “synthetic organisms” with a molecular ‘kill-switch’” for those ‘just in case’ moments when one’s own creation gets out of hand.

“Come on…”

Nope, I’m not making this up; read Katie Drummond’s article for yourself here: http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2010/02/pentagon-looks-to-breed-immortal-synthetic-organisms-molecular-kill-switch-included/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+wired%2Findex+%28Wired%3A+Index+3+%28Top+Stories+2%29%29&utm_content=Google+Feedfetcher

In the film “Blade Runner” humans created bio-engineered synthetic organisms that had a kill switch built into their DNA that only gave them a 5-year life span. The Nexus 6 line looked human and as new models came out with improved biometrics and implanted memories it became next to impossible to distinguish between the “Replicants” (synthetic organisms) and the humans.

The pentagon wants an immortal warrior who can sustain amazing damage but can still function on the battlefield. When Skynet started rolling Terminators off the assembly lines to wipe out the rest of the human blight in the Terminator movies they found that the best killers were the ones hidden under living, bio-engineered skin.

DARPA (the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) is the research and development arm of the United States Department of Defense. This is a prestigious think tank that, according to my favorite second brain Wikipedia, is working on the Synthetic organisms. Check out this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARPA#Projects and scroll down for a list of past projects and active projects which include XOS Exoskeletons (like the high end ones used in “AVATAR” and “Aliens”), High Energy Liquid Laser Area Defense Systems, Remote Controlled Insects (for spying and such) and making Combat Zones that See (where everything that moves in a given area is tracked). DARPA sounds like an interesting place to work. Now if anything goes wrong with these immortal synthetic organisms (causing a Zombie uprising or other such shenanigans) it’s all right; there’s a molecular “kill switch” – I’m sure that nothing could ever go wrong with that.

There is no such thing as science fiction anymore, Gentle Reader. Hold onto your hats. The future is now.

“History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man.” – Blue Oyster Cult, Godzilla

The 82nd Academy Awards

Oh you 8.something pound little statue. You little golden idol of, voted by members of the Film Academy, of self-adulation. Oscar… I see you have returned. I knew that you would be back. Here is what you are bringing this year as per Harry Knowles: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/43846. (I got the data for this blog from Harry’s site. I could have gotten it from somewhere else but I didn’t.)

To pick who goes home with the little golden guy one must think like the Academy. That is NOT to say that the best picture in any given category goes home with Oscar; no. It means that one must channel and consider to think how the Academy thinks to truly pick who is gonna win. The last few years I have beat Oscar in the big categories in a blow-by-blow match of fisticuffs. All right, you little 8.something pound golden idol – let’s do this… let’s dance.

Best Picture:

UP
INGLORIOUS BASTERDS
AVATAR
DISTRICT 9
AN EDUCATION
THE HURT LOCKER
PRECIOUS
A SERIOUS MAN
THE BLIND SIDE
UP IN THE AIR

Now, let me just say there are some GREAT films in this category. Seriously. The announcements came in the day before yesterday and for the first time since “Casablanca” was in the theaters there are TEN, yep that’s right, TEN possible entries in the “Best Picture” category. This should open things up for a more, dare I say, fair and balanced campaign and selection. I hope that it works. I should also say that I have not seen all of the pictures in this category. Still, putting oneself into the mindset of the Academy one can make a postulation; who should win vs. who will win. I would love to see “Up” take it. It won’t because the Academy will view it as an “animated film” (which it is also listed as a nominee) and write it off. Meanwhile, “Up” is one of the finest films EVER made about the grief process. Heartfelt and touching, “Up” should win. That being said I’d be happy as a clam if “Inglorious Basterds” or “District 9” or “Avatar” won as well. The Academy will either go with “The Hurt Locker” or “Up In the Air”. …And the winner is… “The Hurt Locker”.

Best Actor:

Jeff Bridges, CRAZY HEART
George Clooney, UP IN THE AIR
Colin Firth, A SINGLE MAN
Morgan Freeman, INVICTUS
Jeremy Renner, THE HURT LOCKER

Good actors, good performances. …And the Oscar goes to… Morgan Freeman for “Invictus”!

Best Supporting Actor:

Matt Damon, INVICTUS
Woody Harrelson, THE MESSENGER (and ZOMBIELAND ahem)
Christopher Plummer, THE LAST STATION
Stanley Tucci, THE LOVELY BONES
Christoph Waltz, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

…And the winner is… Christoph Waltz for “Inglorious Basterds”! If Mr. Waltz does not walk away with that little golden icon then there is something completely and utterly wrong with the entire institution; so much so, I dare say, that THIS would be the last blog entry I’ll ever contest between Oscar and myself that I ever document. I feel that strongly.

Best Actress:

Sandra Bullock, THE BLIND SIDE
Helen Mirren, THE LAST STATION
Carey Mulligan, AN EDUCATION
Gabourey Sidibe, PRECIOUS
Meryl Streep, JULIE & JULIA

It’s getting tougher… Streep has her share of Oscar gold and it may be time for the Academy to try to show that they are in touch with the common, ordinary movie attendee. Hmm… And the winner is… Sandra Bullock for “The Blind Side”.

Best Supporting Actress:

Penelope Cruz, NINE
Vera Farmiga, UP IN THE AIR
Maggie Gyllenhaal, CRAZY HEART
Anna Kendrick, UP IN THE AIR
Mo'Nique, PRECIOUS

Tough. My, my, my… let’s see here… And the winner is… Maggie Gyllenhaal for “Crazy Heart”.

Best Director:

AVATAR, James Cameron
THE HURT LOCKER, Kathryn Bigelow
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS, Quentin Tarantino
PRECIOUS, Lee Daniels
UP IN THE AIR, Jason Reitman

I would love to see Quentin Tarantino walk away with the Oscar for the tour de force that is “Inglourious Basterds”. He won’t. Instead it is going to be between Cameron and Bigelow, which is interesting since the pair of the use to be married. I’m pretty sure these circumstances don’t happen too often – even for Hollywood. …And the winner is… Kathryn Bigelow for “The Hurt Locker”.

Best Visual Effects:

AVATAR, Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham & Andrew R Jones
DISTRICT 9, Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros & Matt Aitken
STAR TREK, Roger Guyett, Russell Earl, Paul Kavanagh & Burt Dalton

…And the winner is… “AVATAR”. If it does not then something is terribly awry in Mudville. This film completely raised the bar for all films to come. Seriously.

Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay):

DISTRICT 9, Neill Blomkamp & Terri Tatchell
AN EDUCATION, Nick Hornby
IN THE LOOP, Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci & Tony Roche
PRECIOUS, Geoffrey Fletcher
UP IN THE AIR, Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner

I would love to see “District 9” take the honors but they won’t. …And the winner is: “Up in the Air”. It’s just how the Academy thinks.

Best Writing (Original Screenplay):

THE HURT LOCKER, Mark Boal
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS, Quentin Tarantino
THE MESSENGER, Alessandro Camon & Oren Moverman
A SERIOUS MAN, Joel & Ethan Coen
UP, Screenplay by Bob Peterson, Pete Docter. Story by Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Tom McCarthy

“Up” is pure brilliance but I would LOVE to see “Inglorious Basterds” win this category. Quentin Tarantino has a knack for writing some of the best dialogue in the business along with some of the finest storytelling around today. It should go to him. It won’t. The Academy will tell themselves that he has already won for “Pulp Fiction” and they will give the Oscar to… “The Hurt Locker”.

So there it is; 9 of my favorite categories. Let’s see who breaks even Oscar or Evil Chicken. If Oscar gets more than yours truly in these categories then he has won. I win if the converse is true. Also, I am dead serious about Christoph Waltz winning the Best Supporting Actor category. If he does not win, quite frankly, then the Oscars are just not worth covering on this blog anymore. His performance is that good.

And that, Gentle Reader, “That’s a BINGO!” (go rent “Inglorious Basterds”).