Cloverfield – A Retrospective

Be ye warned… there be spoilers ahead.

I just got back from a matinee showing of “Cloverfield”. JJ Abrams and company have put together a hip little survival horror film with this one. The film, as has been described previous on this little ole blog, is “Godzilla” meets “The Blair Witch Project” and – yup, that’s about right. The story never attempts to explain just what the monster is or where it came from and that’s a good thing since the story unfolds through the lens of a digital handheld camera as seen by an impromptu group of documentary filmmakers. The premise is that this camcorder was found after the event in a place that used to be called Central Park, NY and is now designated by the United States Government as section Cloverfield.

The monster is what it is (whatever that is) – the friends must accept that and try to survive. The monster could be an allegory for almost anything big and bad – terrorist attacks, natural disasters, big monsters that usually attack Tokyo, whatever. I’d like to think that it’s some sort of H.P. Lovecraft-ian version of Cthulhu. From what I understand the head of the Statue of Liberty that bounces off a skyscraper and comes to a scraping stop in the street is homage to the poster from “Escape from New York”. This makes my geek heart smile. The cast of (currently) “unknown” actors is imperative to having the plot as realistic as possible. You couldn’t have pulled it off with a cast of established personalities. As with “The Blair Witch Project”, to suspend belief in what’s happening within the film the actors had to be “real”. It’s a great cast and they really pull it off.

It is a good time at the movies and at the end of the day isn’t that what you went there for in the beginning? There’s some really cool stuff that should be witnessed on the big screen BUT be forewarned the jerkiness of the camera, the movement and at times the angles of the shots will begin to turn your stomach. Grab your Dramamine and wash it down with whatever you can smuggle in from Wawa (since a small soda is currently $4.50 at the theater). It will make you woozy. I know that I was. I’m sure that I missed some things but it couldn’t be avoided.

I am truly looking forward to the next JJ Abrams produced picture – Star Trek 11. Abrams co-created “Alias”, “Lost” and is rumored to be bringing Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series to life on either the big screen or HBO.

How Willy Wonka Should Have Ended

Giant Monster Eats City

“Cloverfield” opens tomorrow (1/18/08). What’s that? Well it’s a movie produced by J.J. Abrams (the same guy who is making the next Star Trek film) about a giant monster that attacks New York City. It’s told from the perspective of a small group of people who document what’s going on around them with a digital video camera – think of it as “Godzilla” meets “Blair Witch”.

http://www.cloverfieldmovie.com/

Yeah, good times… good times… It should be fun BUT what will probably push me over the edge and buy a ticket is the teaser trailer for Star Trek 11 (please see attached picture ala Ain’t It Cool News).

Yep. I do believe a trip to the theater is in order.

From Then to Now

I have two boxes of photos here in the room where my laptop usually sits. One box is full of pictures of actual events that I remember and was, to some extent or another, involved in – the other box is full of memories of another man – that man was my father. Every now and again I pull the box down, rummage and wonder about the images I see there. I have reached a point in my life where there is no one left to answer my questions as to whom the people in the photos may be or rather, who the people were.

I can hear my father there – at least a remembrance of things said. With this box of pictures sometimes I can make a match between what Dad told me and a photo of the genuine article. I remember hearing about his Indian Motorcycle – now I’ve seen it. The Hot Dog stand that the family ran at the Wildwood boardwalk – seen it. Duke, Dad’s dog – plain as day. The Acropolis and sailors on shore leave now have pictures to match their stories. Then there are the ones that I’ll never know like the inspiration for the freshly inked tattoo of a schooner under full sail on my Dad’s left bicep, or the woman he is passionately kissing on and under the boardwalk who is not my mother (although it could be his first wife). The pictures look as if Marlon Brando came to Dad to research his look for “The Wild One” – a film that came out in 1953 and these photos are taken a year or two before that release date. Bit of a Greaser Dad was.

Then there are the cards and the postcards. Dad was in the navy and served on the U.S.S. Columbus CA-74. I know this because I have a Christmas card that was in the box too. It’s to my grandmother. There is a green drawing of the vessel just above center and a red anchor line around the boarder. The inside of the card reads, “This ain’t much of a card is it – Reckon it says just about what an expensive one does though. Tell Nanny Merry Christmas for me. Can’t get any better cards. I’ll get better ones for you when I get back.” I have no idea who “Nanny” is. Dad never spoke of his grandparents and since it is hand written the name could also be either Mary or Danny depending on how one reads the script. Another example is a postcard sent from Barcelona Spain with a picture of the city on the front and on the back, “Howdy Mom – the Admiral (6th fleet) leaves at 1100 today. Maybe we’ll be getting underway for Tangiers North Africa tomorrow. The New Port News is tied up alongside us now. Sure is a clean looking ship – ours is better though.”

I called in Chick 1.0 (my 15 year-old daughter) and showed her the contents of the box. “See this guy?” I asked showing her the picture of the guy with the wavy slicked back black hair, white ¼ sleeve tee shirt and new tattoo passionately kissing some woman who is not her grandmother.

“He’s a Greaser. A pimp of the past.” She said.

“He’s your grandfather.”

We both giggled and gleefully went through the rest of the box for the next hour of so. I told her all I could which wasn’t too much. The box itself is now like a postcard. The stamps are from ports of call around the world, the memories are not mine but there is a familiarity to them all the same.

The address reads, “from then to now”.

The Life of an Explorer

Sir Edmund Hillary has passed on. Here is the announcement from Radio New Zealand News: http://www.radionz.co.nz/news/latest/200801111143/sir_edmund_hillary_is_dead.

This was a man who knew that life is an adventure and lived it accordingly. Wikipedia, my favorite second brain says, “On 29 May 1953 he and Sherpa mountaineer Tenzing Norgay became the first climbers known to have reached the summit of Mount Everest…” Check it out for yourself here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Edmund_Hillary.

The lion’s share of the map is now filled in. This process happened because of men like Hillary. Of course there is more to discover… more to explore but the simple truth is that the world is smaller now – it has shrunk. Men and women like Edmund Hillary saw to that. Today we can easily sit and watch groups of people attempt to ascend Everest on the Discovery Channel with a simple flick of our remote control; such was not the case when Hillary and Norgay made their climb. It’s getting harder and harder to point to a living example of an explorer.

Today that very short list got even shorter.

Oh that we develop the eyes to see the wonder around us. My thoughts and prayers are with his friends and family at this time.

Will Blu-ray Rule Them All?

As the Businessweek (http://www.businessweek.com/globalbiz/content/jan2008/gb2008018_681920.htm?c) article says, “Warner announced on Jan. 4 that it would release only high-definition Blu-ray movies starting July, ending its support for the rival HD DVD format.”

That about sinks the battleship. The battle for the future is almost over – there can be only one. Hold on a tick… maybe I can squeak out one more cliché…

…Nope. Sorry, I’ve got nuthin.

“Evil Chicken, what are you talking about?” you may ask; and might I just add, that’s a wonderful question, Gentle Reader. The Businessweek article does a very good job of explaining things. The battle for the future is the battle for how media is going to be sold to us in all of its High Def goodness in the days to come when we all have HDTVs and Blu-ray disc players to replace our DVDs (and DVD players too, I might add). This war has been brewing for the last few years as time and technology march forward High Def is quickly becoming the shape of things to come. So, just how will studios peddle their High Def wares to us? Well there are two choices; the HD DVD format and Blu-ray. Blu-ray is winning. Disney went exclusive Blu-ray early into the fray – that was an important battle. Now with Warner and their voluminous catalog of film going exclusively Blu-ray that just may have been the decisive battle.

I currently own neither. If I were to make the jump Blu-ray would, most likely, be the smarter choice at this point. Buying an HD DVD player would be like buying a Betamax player back in the eighties when VHS is about to become the alpha-video player. One could make an argument that Betamax was better than VHS but the market decided who won that war. This time Blu-ray can actually hold a lot more information on a disc than an HD DVD so, in essence, the better mousetrap may be about to win this go round.

What will the future look like – or rather, what will the next format be? I bet it’ll be something akin to an MP3 or audio file; yup, just a file that you can download. Really – why take up all that space in your living room when you can be jacked into the central nervous system of your home and rent or purchase movies, music, as well as, cable and network programming with the press of a button or monthly subscription? It could all be stored in flash memory since archaic things like hard drives (with moving parts, mind you) are destine to get broken. Hey, while we’re at it, isn’t it time to get that big ole HDTV? You know the one – the 50-inch LCD with that magic number “1080p” attached to it – or better yet, how about that 150-inch plasma from Panasonic.

…Oh yes…

HD DVD cancelled their presentation at the Consumer Electronics Show 2008 after Warner made the announcement on January 4. That doesn’t bode too well either. So hold your stock in Sony and sell your holdings with HD DVD. Let’s see here… that’s five out of seven major studios supporting Blu-ray (according to the above article)?

The fat lady is clearing her throat.

WING TUT!

Stop the press. Here’s something just too cool that I had to share with you, Gentle Reader… I’m at Yahoo and I’m cruising for a new picture to replace the one that’s been up since New Year’s Day and low and behold I happen to see a friend of mine.

…No really.

Check it: http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Most-Emailed-Photos/ss/1756#/080104/ids_photos_en/r456306930.jpg

The article is from Reuters (by Tim Shaffer) and says… “Wingbowl participant Elliott "Wing Tut" Maruffi-Cowley grimaces as he holds down chicken wings after the second round during the 14th annual Wingbowl event in Philadelphia, February 3, 2006. A Chicago tavern said on Thursday it will begin selling chicken wings coated in one of the world's hottest peppers -- a dish so hot that patrons first have to sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries.”

How cool is that?

There will be more seen from Elliot in 2008 ladies and gentlemen – things that I really can’t go into now, but let me just say that is SO COOL!

I had to share it.

Politics

You know how some people will say something like, “I don’t like politics” when really mean that they actually LOVE politics? Yeah? I’m not one of those people. I don’t like politics and, instead subscribe to the Obi Wan Kenobi school of thought that says all politicians are, “not to be trusted”. I don’t care what party you’re discussing – it does not matter. Having a “two party” system is a disservice to the concept of democracy. Many voices should be heard and not just the well funded ones. Yes that’s idealistic but so are all the schools of political thought – including democracy. They all work great on paper. IMHO, democracy is the closest thing to what is on the printed page but make no mistake… it’s idealistic.

One of the many reasons I have not taken to a life of crime is that I would never want to go before a jury of my peers. Why? Both my peers, and me respectfully are idiots. The correlation between jurors and voters shouldn’t be ignored in this paragraph. Another reason that I have not broken any laws that would put me behind bars is that I would be entirely too popular. There are simply too many distractions in prison for me to want to break any laws that might put me there.

But enough about my life of crime; let’s talk political parties. If I were to choose a party it would probably be Libertarian. These people like little government involvement and instead favor personal responsibility over having the state monitor every possible aspect of ones life. I live in New Jersey – that will never happen here. A recent quote from one of the legislators (unfortunately I forget which one) from Trenton, our capitol was, “if there is anything we can control – we should.” That thought process really scares me. It’s way too Orwellian for my tastes; entirely too controlling, too far reaching. Just what happens if the legislators are idiots? Suppose they cared more for what the lobbyists brought or gave them than the people they are supposed to be serving? Hmmm. Unfortunately, one does not have to wonder too long – not too long at all.

How about elections? Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a set amount of dollars candidates were able to spend in any given election – some sort of cap? Perhaps we would hear more from other parties besides the republicans and the democrats? Who said that we should prostrate ourselves before a two party system anyway? Probably some group of old, rich, white guys who are used to having all the power in the world – that’s who.

But enough about the things that are not – let us discuss the things that are. Not saying that I support ANY of the people I’m about to mention (really – since I voted for “Weed Man” in the last NJ election because I didn’t like ANY of the other candidates) but the way I see it there is no way the republicans are going to keep the White House this go round. Just forget it. This being said and as much as I would like to have a viable third party candidate – he or she does not exist at this time so the unbeatable ticket would have to be Obama/Clinton or Clinton/Obama (I’ll let you decide who is President – with the political machinations in place it really doesn’t matter which is which).

Unbeatable.

The merciful decision of the Democratic Party would be to end this charade right now and just say they are the ticket in November. This won’t happen either since it’s only January and we as a people like to watch all of the pomp and circumstance of such proceedings play out on network television. The talking heads from every network known to man have to weigh in and have their say. Those whom pay attention in the voting public to such things have to go through the motions too. We must feed (and be fed by) the machine.

Que Sera, Sera.

Well there you have it – my best guess as to whom is going to be leading the free world during the next four years come November. A Clinton/Obama or Obama/Clinton ticket would win – no doubt. I won’t be voting for them but I won’t be voting for whoever the Republican’s will run either… I’m still pulling for Weed Man.

That’s all I’ve got to say about that. I now return you to your regularly scheduled dose of trivial information, You Tube videos and movie previews. This pleases me since one can’t swing a dead PETA member without hitting a candidate for something this time of year – and its only January.

Lord help us.

4400 Season 3 Gag Reel

4400 – I will miss you horribly.

What’s In A Carb?

I am an Atkins zombie. I am, admittedly, pretty strict. Not that I’m tooting my own horn here but I’ve dropped about a hundred pounds on the “diet”. Note the “quotation marks” around the word diet. I put them there because I know that I cannot look at anything I eat as being part of a diet – I have to look at it like a “life style change”.

Quotation marks can be annoying – no?

Sorry, I digress… I still have a lot of pounds to loose but I’ve been quite pleased with my menu of bacon, mayonnaise, eggs, roast chicken (with my olive oil – Old Bay rub), slow roasted pork, chicken wings (extra crispy & hot) and buckets of bleu cheese dressing. Have you ever had crumbled bleu cheese on a steak? …Oh man…

Before you ask, my cholesterol is under 174. I can’t fault you, Gentle Reader, it’s a good question.

I’ve started to introduce “good carbs” into my chosen edibles list, kidney beans (for the occasional bowl of spicy chili) and tomatoes (in small amounts).

So why blather on about this to the blog reading public? Well, I have a confession and it is a well-established fact that confession is good for the soul; for about a day and a half – nay TWO days (one of those days included Christmas) I carbed out. I ate some bread, some fruitcake (one of my favorite cake substances in the whole of the known world) and drank eggnog.

There – I said it!

I’m back on the wagon now but in a remote corner of my brain I feel somewhat fatter. It’s just a nagging sensation that instead of creeping downward I started creeping up the scale once more. Not that I’m too concerned – I just know that I’m on the plus side of the holidays.

Oh well; it’ll come off. Maybe I’ll cut out the kidney beans and tomatoes for a while?

See you at the gym!

…Nah…

Evil Chicken’s Spring & Summer Movie Preview – 2008 Edition

Happy New Year Gentle Reader! I wish you much health and happiness in twenty-oh-eight! Yes – I know that this is early... Yes – I know that most people are doing their year in review stuff. Well that’s not the case here at Chicken Scratch! Oh no. Now is the time when a movie geek begins to plot and plan for the coming few seasons at the multiplex. And what seasons they will be; the studios are plotting to push a lot of popcorn this year. I shudder for the summer of 2009 and the products that will be mercilessly unleashed onto the public with the writers strike still in full swing. It won’t be pretty; 2008, however, will rock.

Anyway, here’s a list of movies that I’m about to put in my calendar. Why don’t you go get yours too? We can do it together. Go on, I’ll wait.

…

…

Got it? Good. Pen too? Excellent. Here’s the list…

MAY

Iron Man (May 2nd): Have you seen the trailer? They’ve got this right. Could they have found a better actor than Robert Downey Jr. to play Tony Stark? No. Expect big things from this one – not just the obligatory amazing special effects but in character development. Stark is not a likeable guy and his transformation into someone better is what really makes the character shine. Opening night – no doubt; I can even bring the kids.

Speed Racer (May 9th): Driving right out of my childhood memories and onto the big screen! The Wachowski brothers (the Matrix movies, V for Vendetta) are doing the honors. Have you seen this trailer? It’s an unabashedly campy, anime Trip with live actors that I can’t wait to see. I’ll drag the kids to this one.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (May 16): I enjoyed the first one and loved the book. I never read “Prince Caspian” by C.S. Lewis but it just may have moved up on my reading list. BTW, if you get a chance one of my favorite C.S. Lewis books is a written correspondence between two demons called “The Screwtape Letters”. Good stuff, but I digress. Yeah, I’m there and I’m taking the kids.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 22nd): Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of my absolute all time favorite movies. TOD was passable and TLC was good but RAIDERS… simply awesome. There is no doubt that I will be keeping up with the Jones’s on opening night… it is as sure as the tides… well Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise.

John Rambo (May ?): I was in high school when Rambo First Blood Part II came out. The paperback adaptation spread through my school like a plague; everyone wanted to read the thing including yours truly. The movie turned violence into a ballet – no, it was more than that… Rambo was visceral justice dispensed through a psycho Vietnam vet who really should have stayed on his medications. He was the poster child for PTSD. I was hooked; what can I say, maybe it was youth or perhaps Reaganomics? Whatever the case, he’s back… and I’m gonna go see him on the big screen once more. I will NOT be bringing the kids to this one. Did I mention “visceral”?

JUNE

The Happening (June 13th): M. Night Shyamalan’s new movie. Yes you can make the argument that his stuff’s been sliding downhill since “The Sixth Sense” but I still like his take on telling a story. He’s a relatively local guy as well (from Philly) and has set many of his tales around Pennsylvania. I don’t know much about this movie other than it has something to do with a natural crisis that a family has to escape from. One thing I do know is that a buddy of yours truly is going to be in it (see: http://freudianslipsincreativewriting.blogspot.com/). I’ll be there to see that. Give ‘em heck Joe!

The Incredible Hulk (June 13th): I hated “The Hulk”. It was an incredible let down for yours truly; the acting, the writing, the editing. Blah! I love the character though and I’m hoping that those responsible for this reboot do this time as well. This is key for any adaptation to work. If you have no idea who said beloved characters are or their origins stay away; stay far away. Ed Norton is Bruce Banner and this may prove to be an inspired bit of casting. I’ll see it in the theater, out of respect for the character, but it might just have to be a matinee.

Get Smart (June 20th): Would you believe that agent Maxwell Smart is going to be played by Steve Carell? Would you believe that Alan Arkin is going to be Chief? This will make me smile with nostalgia and introduce the whole shootin’ match to another generation of admirers. Mel Brooks and Buck Henry created the original. I don’t know if they had any involvement in this incarnation but I know that I’ll be there to see it. It’s time to break out the Cone of Silence once more. The kid’s will love it.

Wall-E (June 27th): Pixar is back and this time they’re bringing a trash compacting robot. Wall-E is left on earth with his fellow machinations and he goes on a quest to find out just what happened to the human race when they left the planet. It’s Pixar. It will be genius. Bottom line. Yes, I’ll be there and so will the kids.

JULY

Hancock / Tonight, He Comes (July 2nd): Will Smith is a superhero with feet of clay in this one. Everyone dislikes the guy. He begins an affair with the wife of a PR guy that’s hired to save his reputation. I’m still not sold completely on this one; I’m still having thoughts of “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” go through my mind when I hear or read about this film. Still, I enjoy Will Smith and I think that it will be good to see him in a role where you have to strain to actually like and root for him. We shall see…

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (July 11th): Guillermo del Toro is a genius. No really – I mean it. Go rent “Pan’s Labyrinth” if you don’t believe me. The man has a way of bringing nightmare images to life: monsters – and I’m not just talking about the grotesque ones; I mean the ones who are human beings. Wow what a film that was. It played on two levels, a young girl’s dream world and against the horrors of the Spanish Civil War. Go rent it, but be warned, it is not for the faint at heart or young eyes to see. While you’re at Blockbuster rent the first “Hellboy” too. Go on – treat yourself. Hellboy is based on a comic character created by Mike Mignola for Dark Horse Comics. Hellboy is a big red devil like creature with a tail that files off his horns because he’s not too happy about what they represent. He’s got a huge right hand made of stone and he works for the United States Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense. As the Wikipedia article says, “Hellboy has been dubbed as the ‘World’s Greatest Paranormal Investigator’”. Guillermo is fresh of the Oscars that he won for “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “Hellboy 2: the Golden Army” is where he’s setting up shop next. Opening day sans kids. This will be eye popping.

The Dark Knight (July 18th): Oh my goodness; this is my pick for 900 lbs. Gorilla of the summer season. That’s saying something since there is a lot of competition this summer for best popcorn flick. Please allow me to go on record here at the start of the New Year and say that Batman will rule over Indy and Iron Man. Why? Good question, easy answer; Heath Ledger’s JOKER. This will be scary… psychotic in scope. Christopher Nolan (director of this one and it’s predecessor “Batman Begins”) knows what he is doing with the Iconic character of the Batman. He knows that Bruce Wayne is almost just as crazy as those he chases down – the only real difference is the idea that at Batman’s core he does not want to see what happened to him happen to anyone else. The Joker is the living personification of the phrase, “comedy is tragedy” and he is ready to champion either basis with extreme sociopathic prejudice. This is not Caesar Romero’s Joker, it’s not going to be Jack Nicholson’s either (although, if the truth be known, I love both of their portrayals of the character). Expect the unexpected with this one. Warner Bros. is banking on it and so am I. Opening night for me – I’m still not convinced that this will be one to take the kids to yet.

X – Files 2 (July 25th): This one snuck up on me. It’s still classified as being “in production”, I didn’t think that it would be ready to roll this summer – I was wrong. I was a huge fan of the series until the dreaded disease, Favoritus-Disappearus, struck it down. David Duchovny left the show only to have a few walk-ons for the rest of the series run. Too bad. Gillian Anderson stayed which was good but the show lost it’s chemistry. Well, they’ll be back together once more this summer. It will take some fancy writing to have those two back on the X-files after the series finale (Scully and Mulder intentionally disappearing together to live off the grid and on the run). I’ll be there though – after all, I Want to Believe.

AUGUST

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (August 1st): Same cast different movie. Brendan Fraser and Maria Bello return to find a new batch of Mummies to vanquish. This time they are bringing their son (Luke Ford) with them. It won’t win any Oscars but it should be a fun afternoon at the movies.

I have to stop myself here. I’d go on but what would I do for the big Fall / Winter Movie Preview. This will have to do for now; that’s a big list. That’s a lot of popcorn. Enjoy it while we can. 2009 will, most likely, be weak. 2008 is another story.

I’ll see ya at the multiplex.

2007 – Where Did You Go?

“You know… as you get older time will move - it will fly by.” The Old Man said.

“Wow.” I replied.

The aforementioned exchange never really happened. I’ve been aware of the precious nature of time since my eighteenth birthday. But I have noticed as the years have clicked by that those clichés are more than true. I have seen them realized and do you know what? – Those old people really knew what they were talking about.

Tempus Fugit. …No, really. Time flies and as we get older it really flies.

What’s done is done. The past is the past. Gone; never to return. In the words of the philosopher Jimmy Buffett, “…breathe in breathe out – move on.” There’s really not all that much can be done about it now. Make as best friends as you can with the past and walk on. We can make plans for the future but all that really is is a hypothesis and but a hope for what may come.

What we have is right now… (I think).

So RIGHT NOW, Gentle Reader, I wish you the best of all possible outcomes in the New Year. Stay healthy, stay happy, remember to tell those that you love that you love them and understand the difference between what you want and what you need. Enjoy what you have. We are very lucky. There is so much wonder and amazement around us. My hope is to develop the eyes to see that clearer in the coming year and to pass that vision along to my children.

May 2008 be all that you hope it to be.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Rotten Tomatoes 2007 Best Film List

I haven’t seen ‘em all but Rotten Tomatoes has. Here’s what their editors picked as the top of 2007: see - http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/no_country_for_old_men/news/1700054/.

I agree with “300” and “Ratatouille” since I’ve seen ‘em and know that they are worth your time. The rest are most likely decent rentals though.

And with that; it’s New Years Eve. Do you believe it? I have a few issues with the concept… Still, the calendar must be satisfied.

Happy New Year, Gentle Reader, may it be all that you hope it to be.

Brand New Knight Rider Teaser

Reinvented Eighties Cheese?

Bring it on!

You Work Hard for the Money

So hard for it Honey… Doesn’t it sort of upset you when you pay good, hard earned dollars for something that you or your Aunt Annie could have done better? Does it not irk you that you are paying for something sub par – at least on some level? Does it kill you that YOU are supporting with your hard-earned dollars garbage and/or poor service? Don’t get me wrong, I understand the concept of service, capitalism and supply and demand – but when you put money on the wood don’t you wish that you got what you expected when you laid down said cash?

Sure you do. So do I.

I remember sitting in a theater watching “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” in the theaters and being physically ill. The couple that we (Mother Hen and I) went with had no appreciation for the original genius that Alan Moore’s graphic novel truly is. No kidding. Alan Moore has the distinction of being listed on Time Magazines 100 Best Novels of All Time List (for the “Watchmen” and not League – but you get the idea); see - http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/the_complete_list.html. The couple we went to the theater with couldn’t understand why I was so upset.

“They completely blew it.” I said. “It’s like they had no idea that the story had been written – that there is an established reality.”

“It was ok.” They said.

“Did you see the same movie I just did?” I said. My jaw dropped open at the end of the sentence.

It was a wonderful evening. The film left such a bad taste in my mouth that it spilled over into my general presentation. I became much like the character Hyde in the film – a ripe jerk.

“But it had Tom Sawyer…” they said.

“TOM SAWYER is NOT in the book.” I explained.

“You mean COMIC book?” they asked.

I shut down. Why bother? Really? Yes I might be a ripe jerk but I was standing with Mr. Moore on this one – he refused outright to have his name attached to the steaming abomination that we had just PAID MONEY out of my POCKET to see.

…A-hem…

Please forgive me. I digress. I will eventually get over my bitterness.

What if there was an easy way for me to check into a media product before buying it…

Hmmmm…

Enter Meta Critic (see: http://www.metacritic.com/). There are other sites like it but I like the scope of what they review; Movies, DVDs, TV, Books, Music and Games – you could say that there is a decent spread.

Feel free to add it to your arsenal of preparedness sites on the web. It’s merely a tool to keep you, Gentle Reader, apprised of your choices before you spend your hard earned money on a well hyped media dud.

Be careful out there kiddies.

Free Rice

.com that is: http://www.freerice.com/.

I was poking around Neil Gaiman’s web page (http://www.neilgaiman.com/) and read about this little gem. It’s a non-profit that wants to increase people’s vocabulary and feed people at the same time. Not a bad proposition really.

I’m a shlub and can use all the help I can get. Try it out. Learn some words – feed some people.

“Randomosity”

noun, plural – ties.

1. The state or quality of being random.
2. The measure of the extent to which a random action, thought, person, place or thing that possesses this property.
3. A term invented by Chick 1.0.

Last year at Christmas a co-worker gave me an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader calendar and neglected to say that it was mine for the last 11 and a half months. It’s been sitting on a desk in our office. He explained that he forgot to give it to me last year. No worries. I can appreciate that – hey it’s the thought that counts. This being said please allow me to share some of the Randomosity that exists within the confines of the calendar itself. If you are familiar with the “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader” series of books then you may have already heard some of these little factoids. If not then please enjoy…

Adoxography is defined as “good writing about a trivial subject”.

The average person passes gas 14 times a day, totaling 1 to 3 pints worth.

What are Dr. Jekyll’s and Mr. Hyde’s first names? Henry and Edward.

Blood travels 60,000 miles (96,540 KM) a day as it circulates through the human body.

DeForest Kelly was buried in his Dr. McCoy tunic.

For at least 5 years, the U.S. Army refused to believe that the Wright Brothers could fly.

A dose of rattlesnake venom that would kill a horse barely affects an opossum.

No only child has ever been elected U.S. President.

How long American drivers wait at traffic lights in their lifetime: 14 days.

Algae produce over half of the oxygen humans breathe.

According to plumbers the hardest item to flush down a toilet is a ping-pong ball.

There are an estimated 5 ½ million billion tons of air in the atmosphere.

Earth’s water is 97% salt water, 2% frozen water and 1% fresh water.

Given the opportunity, chimpanzees will hunt ducks.

Playwright Tennessee Williams died when he accidentally swallowed a plastic bottle cap.

Ginger works as well as Dramamine as a remedy for motion sickness.

Quotation marks are the newest punctuation marks in the English language (1600s).

World wide, Christmas has been celebrated on 135 different days of the year.

The ratio of lobbyists to senators in Washington, D.C. is about 75 to 1.

All three of Christopher Columbus’s ships were originally named for Barcelona prostitutes.

Coney Island was once full of rabbits, which New York’s colonists called “Coneys”.

Placed in Frank Sinatra’s casket: a bottle of Jack Daniels, a pack of Camels, a Zippo lighter and 10 dimes (so he’d always have change for the pay phone).

The first Hollywood movie to show a toilet flush: Psycho (1960).

Odds that you will be dealt 4 of a kind in 5 card draw: 1 in 4,165.

Ernest Hemingway rewrote the final page of “A Farewell to Arms” 39 times.

Ownership of squirrels is forbidden in Arkansas, except during October, November and December.

Randomosity is the intent of the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader calendar and my daughter made up that term. Please petition the people at Webster’s to include the word in their next edition.

Thank you.

The Forbes Fictional 15 – End of the Year Edition

Chick 1.0 and I ran across this while searching through some video game data… Who knew that the Umbrella Corporation was in the top 25 of the richest fictional companies? Forbes did!

We dug deeper. No stone was unturned in our investigation. Our search quickly led us to the Forbes website (skip the “welcome screen” and scroll down for the list and companies) – http://www.forbes.com/2007/12/11/richest-fictional-characters-oped-books-fict1507-cx_mn_de_1211fictional15_land.html.

And there we struck gold; as did several fictional characters and companies this past year. According to Forbes this list names the 15 richest people in the realm of fiction. Here is this years top 15:

1. Scrooge McDuck
2. Ming the Merciless
3. Richie Rich
4. Mom (Futurama)
5. Jed Clampett
6. C. Montgomery Burns
7. Carter Pewterschmidt
8. Bruce Wayne
9. Thurston Howell III
10. Tony Stark
11. Fake Steve Jobs
12. Gomez Addams
13. Willy Wonka
14. Lucius Malfoy
15. Princess Peach

Chick 1.0 and myself sought others who had made the list in years past. Though unavailable for comment, Lara Croft (who has been on the list before) has voiced her concern about the legitimacy of “The 15” in a public statement she said, “What does Princess Peach have the I don’t?”

Yours truly feels your pain Ms. Croft – I’m still rooting for you. Of course Ming the Merciless raised my cackles only due to the fact that one man’s treasure on Mongo is just not the same on Earth. It’s easy to see why Wayne and Stark are on the list – as well as Wonka but Scrooge McDuck and Richie Rich? Posers.

Forbes has also compiled a list of the top 25 fictional companies. Here are the listings and in (parenthesis) where they originate from…

1. Choam (Dune – Spice Mining)
2. ACME (Looney Tunes)
3. Sirius Cybernetics Corp. (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
4. Momcorp (Futurama)
5. Rich Industries (Richie Rich)
6. Soylent Corp. (Soylent Green)
7. The Very Big Corporation of America (Monty Python)
8. Forbozz Co. (Zork – yeah baby!)
9. Warbucks Industries (Annie)
10. Tyrell Corp. (Blade Runner – “More Human than Human”)
11. Wayne Enterprises (Batman)
12. Virtucon (Dr. Evil’s Empire)
13. Globex (the Simpson’s)
14. Umbrella Corporation (Resident Evil)
15. Wonka Industries (Willie Wonka the Candy Man)
16. Stark Industries (Iron Man)
17. Clampett Oil (Beverly Hillbillies)
18. Oceanic Airlines (Lost)
19. YoYoDine Propulsion Systems (the Crying of Lot 49 – BUT I must confess I thought that it came from Buckaroo Banzai – Adventures Across the Eighth Dimension)
20. Cyberdine Systems Corp. (Terminator)
21. d’Anconia Copper (Atlas Shrugged)
22. Gringotts (Harry Potter)
23. Oscorp (Spiderman)
24. Nakatomi Trading Corp. (Die Hard – one of my favorite Christmas movies)
25. Spacely Space Sprockets (the Jetsons)

So what fictional characters or companies did they miss? Forbes wants to know. They’ve got about a year to reconsider the current standings.

I’m still rooting for Lara Croft.

Mele Kalikimaka

BRILLIANT!

Somewhere Bing Crosby is twirling.

Countin’ My Blessings

I know that this is not Thanksgiving but I just wanted to drop a line to myself here at Chicken Scratch to remind myself how incredibly blessed I am.

The Christmas Musical, Peace on Earth has one more performance on Christmas Eve. This also happens to be Chick 1.0’s birthday. She is going to be 15 tomorrow. Let me spell that one out – FIFTEEN. We’ve been blessed with great kids. We have a lot of fun and get into a lot of trouble. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Speaking of Peace on Earth – what a blessing. Seriously. It is an honor to be associated with the directors, choir members and tech crew. It’s not about how well we sing or dance or speak, it’s about the birth of Christ and sharing that with others. That is a blessing.

I’m not mechanically inclined but a good friend of mine from church is. He happened to have a used bicycle for Chick 2.0 and one for Chick 3.0. He and I re-greased the bearings and replaced the chain on Chick 1.0’s bike too. The kid’s are going to light up on Christmas morning (I can write this since they don’t frequent my blog – and due to the fact that Christmas is the day after tomorrow). Come springtime we will all be mobile. This has been an amazing blessing.

Then there are the completely unexpected blessings that have hit us recently – things that I will not go into too much depth here but wouldn’t be too hard to coax out of me over a decent cup of coffee.

I’m 39 and well aware that these are the best days of my life. I’m relatively healthy (to the best of my knowledge no open wounds or internal bleeding that direct pressure won’t cure) and so is the family. Come this April, Mother Hen and I will be celebrating out 18th wedding anniversary – and I still love the woman (more now than then). I get to write here on this blog, on puppet scripts each week, short stories, screenplays and the occasional novel. There’s a roof over our heads and a full docket of movies coming to the multiplex in 2008.

Life is good.

Oh I could dwell on the glass being half empty but why? I’ve only got a certain amount of days so why waste them with dreary conjecture over the future? I don’t know what’s around the corner but I do see what is in front of me right now.

I’d rather count my blessings.

Please forgive the sappiness factor of this blog entry, Gentle Reader – It was just something I had to do.

Peace

SHAMELESS PLUG

Tonight’s performance of Peace on Earth went very well. There are only two more shows, 12/22 & 12/24 (at 7:00 PM – Calvary Chapel Vineland is located at 930 North Main Rd., Vineland NJ 08360 – it’s next to the Rite-Aid across the street from Larry’s Restaurant.)

No pressure but if you can, come check it out.

North Pole - No It's NOT!

Santa's Coming!

Tickle Me Emo/Elmo - MAD TV

Forget the Wii – I want a Tickle Me EMO for Christmas!

“The Leader of the Band is Tired and His Eyes are Growing Old”

Dan Fogelberg passed away this morning after losing a three-year battle with prostate cancer. He was 56 years old. Here is the announcement from his website: http://www.danfogelberg.com/news.html.

This is taken from his website...

Sunday, December 16
Dear friends,

Dan left us this morning at 6:00am . He fought a brave battle with cancer and died peacefully at home in Maine with his wife Jean at his side. His strength, dignity and grace in the face of the daunting challenges of this disease were an inspiration to all who knew him.

In May of 2004, Dan was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

A personal letter from D.F. (May of 2004)

I cannot adequately express my gratitude to all of the thousands of wonderful people who have sent such incredibly moving and supportive e-mails via the Living Legacy web site. It is truly overwhelming and humbling to realize how many lives my music has touched so deeply all these years. Each one of you who have taken the time and effort to reach out to Jean and I have helped immeasurably to uplift our spirits and keep us looking strongly forward during some very rough moments. I thank you from the very depths of my heart.

I currently have no plans to return to the concert stage or the recording studio in the foreseeable future, but who knows? At least for now, I prefer to keep my options open.

Again my deepest thanks and love to all,

Dan

Now for the sermon.

To each and every man....

I cannot encourage you strongly enough to get a DRE (Digital Rectal Exam) and a PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) test EVERY YEAR.

The medical community suggests this for men over 50, but men with a family history of prostate cancer should start getting tested at age 40.

The PSA test is a simple blood test...it only takes a minute or two. The DRE, okay, every man squirms at the thought of this exam, but hey, it too takes only a minute or two, and IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Prostate cancer can be very slow growing or very aggressive, but detected early while it is still confined to the prostate gland, it can usually be treated and cured successfully.

Once it spreads beyond the prostate it is called Advanced Prostate Cancer (PCa). At this point it becomes imminently more life threatening and harder to treat. Do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor and GET CHECKED REGULARLY. I promise you, you DON’T want to go through what I’m going through if you can avoid it.

Education and awareness are key, I urge you to follow the link below to the Prostate Cancer Foundation web site and read up on how best to protect yourself and reduce your likelihood of contracting this terrible disease.

His advice should be heeded GET AN EXAM.

Mr. Fogelberg wrote a lot of music that really touched yours truly; “The Leader of the Band” still brings tears to my eyes and “Longer” is, in my humble opinion, one of the finest love songs ever written. What can I say; I’m a bit of a softie.

His voice will be missed.

Thoughts and prayers go out to his friends and family at this time.

Peace on Earth the Musical

No pressure or anything BUT if you’re not too busy and want to enjoy an evening out away from the malls, Best Buy and Toys R Us stores swing on by Calvary Chapel Vineland on December 21, 22 and/or 24th at 7:00 PM. The Choir production is going multimedia this year and it’s gonna be fun.

We were initially going to go away for Christmas this year and yours truly was not going to participate. Our plans changed. I’m not trying out for American Idol or anything but if you want to see a singing, dancing, Christmas Story narratin’ Evil Chicken and Mother Hen come on down. Calvary Chapel Vineland is located at 930 North Main Rd., Vineland NJ 08360 – it’s next to the Rite-Aid across the street from Larry’s Restaurant.

Merry Christmas!

Enter Sandman

Gentle Reader if this was the 23rd Century, the survivors of war, overpopulation and pollution would be living in a great domed city, sealed away from the forgotten world outside. Within the dome would be a completely ecologically balanced world and mankind would only be living driven by the pleasures that the central computer and the robotic servo-mechanisms, would provide.

But there is a catch. Life must be terminated at the age of 30, unless citizens are reborn in the fiery ritual of Carrousel!

Citizens would have a crystal implanted in their palms that would indicate their age; birth to 7 the color of the crystal would be yellow, 7 – 14 years Blue, 14 – 29 Red and Last Day would be Blinking Red. At the end of Last Day the crystal would be black signifying the fact that time is up. Some citizens would happily march to Carrousel – others would not. Those who would run would be tracked by the Deep Sleep Operatives or Sandmen. Once a Sandman finds a runner he “retires” them by tracking them down and making the kill.

You see, I’m a runner – still seeking Sanctuary. If this were the world of Logan’s Run as of today my palm crystal has been black for the last 9 years; I would have been running for the last 9 years. I’m turning into Peter Ustinov’s character from the film; a film that was released in 1976, when I was 8 years old.

I will have to whistle ‘Happy Birthday’ quietly; time is too short to wallow in the past and the Sandmen are converging on my location.

Time to keep running.

Old School Hollywood Squares

Kickin’ it Peter Marshal style, baaaabeeee.

I recently got this in a email from a friend of mine. I thought that I’d pass it along in case you haven’t seen it. I don’t usually spend too much time with email stuff but I thought this was cute.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette ): Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde : Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Now what channel is the Game Show Network on?

Is Print Dead Yet?

Well, no… not yet anyway. A part of me would miss the feel of a book. I mean really, what reader worth his or her salt doesn’t love that musty smell of old books or being spellbound; getting lost inside the pages of a good story? There is magic there – real magic. There are those who believe that the same enchantment can be had without the use of paper.

They might be onto something. For almost the last 600 years people have turned to the book as the preferred method of idea delivery. Well, the times they are a changin’. E Readers have been around for the last half dozen years or so but they have not really been the house of fire they have promised to be. Sloppy interfaces, copyright infringement, publishing companies, glossy screens have all made the transition from page to screen bumpy. Enter the Kindle from Amazon (amazon.com; that is) > http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FI73MA/ref=amb_link_6003602_2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1RYY06HGSKSRT1H05PCR&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=337021901&pf_rd_i=507846.

Pretty cool, no? Having a library at your fingers wherever you go, wireless – always on technology, access to newspapers, periodicals and blogs, not to mention the 100,000 plus novels that are available for download. It’s possible to email yourself Word documents and pictures and there is free wireless access to my favorite second brain, Wikipedia. This little $400.00 number looks to be the next step in making this a paperless world – at least if Jeff Bezos has his way.

Who is Jeff Bezos? Good question. He’s the entrepreneur who envisioned the concept of Amazon; the 900 lbs. gorilla when it comes to online warehouse shopping. Amazon knows one or two things about books and how they are disseminated to the reading public. He’s carved a niche out into a billion dollar industry and now he’s got revolution on his mind. Here’s the Full Monty on the subject; it’s a really good article > http://www.newsweek.com/id/70983/page/1.

There’s always going to be a need for paper but in the future apart from legal documents, shopping bags, toileting purposes and the occasional book collector who enjoys that old musty smell of bound books – it’s days just may be numbered.

Would Franklin and Gutenberg be rolling in their graves? I doubt it – I think they’d both be bloggers and eager to play with whatever new crease technology would allow them to express themselves; their ideas and ideals through.

…Yeah, those two would have Kindles, but then again, so would I if I could afford it.

Casting Call for “Sorrow Hill”

Have you always wanted to try your hand at acting but never had the opportunity? Gentle Reader, if you have answered yes to this question then I suggest that YOU check this out: http://www.grindhouse-pictures.com/index.html and click on the casting info section to the left.

Ron is a good guy and a talented storyteller. His company Grindhouse Pictures is in pre-production mode for “Sorrow Hill”. He’s having a casting call on December 15th, at the Vineland Ramada Inn at 10:00 AM. If you would like to participate via an audition it would behoove you to drop him an email.

I can’t wait for the premier!

Any Eagles Fans Out There?

BTW this has nothing to do with Philadelphia football and everything to do with a musical group; if you are disappointed skip to the next blog on your list. Thanks for stopping by.

Are you still with me, Gentle Reader? Good.

I would like to go on record – I love the Eagles; I always have. No need to go into gory details – let’s just say I’m a fan. We (Mother Hen and I) had tickets to see them the last time they toured but the show was cancelled. We have seen Don Henley, though. Great show.

Anyway, I know that it’s probably just a sign of getting older but today’s music has turned into nothing but product for yours truly. I often wonder where the melody went. I’ve speculated over this issue on Chicken Scratch, mind you (check out "Video Killed the Radio Star" from 08/30/07). While I found some decent radio stations for the most part I’ve been forced to talk radio. Well I am happy to report harmony and accord in music are not yet extinct. Proof of this fact was documented with the October 30, ’07 release of “Long Road Out of Eden” where after a 28-year hiatus the Eagles have a new double album (yeah, that’s right, I said it – album) of studio material.

Nice.

There’s an intelligence to their lyrics as well as a harmony to their sound. Here’s a snippet from a Billboard interview with Don Henley if you don’t believe me; Glen Frey is there too if you click at the bottom of the page. http://billboard.com/bbcom/feature/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003658087

You revisit some of those themes on "Frail Grasp on the Big Picture," where I was sorry to hear that journalism is dead and gone.

It's not completely dead and gone, of course. Obviously, there are still people out there who are trying to do a good job and trying to keep some integrity in the work. But for every one of those people, there are 20 or 30 more that are just in it for... I don't know what. Again, that is part of the cultural junk. The interesting phenomenon in this age is you turn on the news on the television or on the computer and you see all these very serious stories, like the war in Iraq, people dying and people being killed, and children being abducted and murdered. And then here comes "Entertainment Tonight" and "Access Hollywood" and "Hollywood Insider" and all this crap. Same thing when you go [online], you see [these stories] side by side, and we seem to give equal weight to both. Sometimes the trivial crap seems to get more weight and more coverage than the important stuff.

The coverage of this war has been, for the most part, nonexistent, except what the military wants us to hear and what the White House wants us to hear and see. That's what's appalling to me. I don't really want to hear any more about Britney Spears. I don't really want to see the trainwreck.

It's just a continuation of stuff that I've been harping on for a long time now: the dumbing down of our culture and the dumbing down of reporting, and the abbreviation of everything because people's attention spans are so short. Everything is edited and chopped and shortened, from music videos to news pieces. And there's no time or place for in-depth analysis of anything, or reasonable discussion, reasoned dialogue. It's just people yelling at one another. Everything is about confrontation and controversy and sensationalism. There are no quiet voices. The quiet voices of reason get drowned out and stomped on.

Wow. Sanity and a tune you can hum? Welcome back.

Now if I could only grow my hair long (or any) again life would be complete. See you down the Seven Bridges Road.

Lunch Break

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; those guys from Waverly Films are having way too much fun.

More Dust

We’re moving through the Templates at a feverish pace.

I sort of like the lighthouse.

We'll see if it sticks. Embrace the change... Change is good.

Dame Julie Andrews @ 69

A friend of ours sent this to Mother Hen. I don’t usually horse around with email stories such as this but I kind of dig this one. This must either be a few years old (since she is now, according to IMDB, 72 years-old) or just plain bogus. I hope that there is some truth in it.

Herein lies the tale… “Julie Andrews turned 69 – to commemorate her 69th birhday on October 1, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for a benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was “My Favorite Things” from the legendary movie “The Sound of Music.” Here are the actual lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings. Bundles of magazines tied up in string, these are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak, when the knees go bad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions, No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions, Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin', Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin', And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames, When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim, Then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.

Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.”

She’s a class act.

Christmas at the Multiplex 2007

So you’ve opened the presents and are digesting your turkey and/or ham and want to know what to do next? Gentle Reader, a trip to the local multiplex may be your ticket to holiday bliss. Here’re some of the movies that yours truly is looking forward to this Christmas movie season…

“The Golden Compass”, December 7th. I’ve never read any of the books that this is based on but the movie’s marketing campaign is trying to paint itself as the latest epic. I’m all right with that. The kids are interested even though spin has been a little lack luster. We shall see.

“I Am Legend”, December 14th. Based on the novella by Richard Matheson of Twilight Zone fame. This will be the third time that it is being produced for the big screen. The first time Vincent Price played the lead, second was Charlton Hesston – now it’s Will Smith and I cannot wait. I’m in the mood for a good popcorn movie at Christmas time and this promises to fit the bill.

“Sweeny Todd – The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”, December 21st. Johnny Depp and Tim Burton together again on the big screen. Their collaborations are magic. No doubt I’m buying a ticket. Not for kids.

“National Treasure: Book of Secrets”, December 21st. I enjoyed the first one in all its campy glory and this one looks like fun too. It’s an action flick for the whole family.

“The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep”, December 25th. Bring the kids. It should be good for an undisturbed nap after eating all that food. The kid’s will love it though.

“Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem”, December 25th. This almost didn’t make the list since there’s no way I’m going to the theater to see this and will instead wait for the DVD. Nothing says Christmas Time like two alien species trying to eviscerate each other – if memory serves this was the plot of “White Christmas” too.

Since I’ve been doing Atkins I’m skipping the popcorn and going exclusively for the butter. Next year, at this time, I’ll be basking in the glow that will be the newest installment of the Star Trek franchise. This year, these will have to do.

I’ll see you in line!

Evil Floating Head

Who doesn’t like a good folksong?

I love these guys from Waverly Films. They are having too much fun.

Evel Knievel- (www.kingof thestuntmen.co.uk)R.I.P

Evel is dead. No not me, I’m “Evil” with an “I” the third letter in. Come to think of it if it were I this little blog entry wouldn’t be happening (would it?). There is plenty of Evil to go around these days but there was and will only ever be one Evel Knievel. Here are the details of his passing…

Obituary

As a child of the seventies I grew up with Mohammad Ali in the boxing ring, the Harlem Globetrotters playing basketball and Evel Knievel jumping Lord knows what on that Harley Davidson of his. I have never been a big sports guy but my family and I would eagerly gather around our small TV to watch ABC’s “Wide World of Sports” whenever any of those three events were involved. It was as sure as the tide. To me these three examples – these specimens, were the epitome of sport. You could keep the World Series and the Superbowl – it meant nothing if Ali, the Globetrotters or Evel Knievel were holding court on that small TV with the broken volume tuner and separate UHF dial.

One of my absolute favorite toys growing up had to be the Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle from Ideal Toys. Do you remember the one? There was a gyroscopic motor in the little motorcycle that you cranked up with a plastic ramp/gear. The motor would begin to whine the harder you cranked until BAM! The motorcycle took off barreling down the hallway in all its scaled down horsepower glory; the little bendy Evel Knievel figure holding on for dear life all the way to my home made ramp or whatever other disastrous stunt I had planned.

Yesterday evening he let go.

My thoughts and prayers are with his friends and family.

Pardon my dust.

I’m changing things up a bit. The content is the same as always – much ado about nothing but I’m playing with the look of ye olde blog of yore.

I’ll settle on something in the near future… Honest.

Thanks for stopping by.

Spock's Crib

Back when broadcast rights for Star Trek went to G4 the network produced these. Great stuff.

Enjoy!

Coffee – A History

So, do you like coffee? Is it something more than just the morning cup for you? Does the aroma intoxicate and captivate your senses? Do you appreciate the richness of the flavor and the subtleties of the beans or is all that stuff too fru fru for you and coffee is just coffee?

My Dad used to feel that coffee was only good to be used as a means of waking up. I was too young at the time to argue with him – I didn’t know any better. I do now. The passage of time has brought with it a caffeine addiction and a deep appreciation for the coffee bean and all the wonders it can bring.

Thanks to Wikipeidia (my favorite second brain) here are the humble roots of my favorite beverage. In the 9th Century coffee spread from the highlands of Ethiopia to Egypt and Yemen. By the 15th Century it reached Persia, Egypt, Turkey and Northern Africa.

In 1511 it was deemed a forbidden stimulant from Mecca but the die had been cast; it was popular – people liked their caffeine highs. The order to have it banned was overturned in 1524 by the order of the Ottoman Turkish Sultan Selim I. Cairo had a similar ban in 1532. It was soon overturned since the people stormed the coffee and warehouses containing coffee beans, sacking them in search of their acquired taste for caffeine.

In the 17th Century coffee spread to Europe. From there it reached the shores of America. Colonists didn’t initially take to it finding it a poor substitute for alcohol. By the time of the Revolutionary War people were plugged in and needing their Joe. By the time of the Civil War advances in brewing technology made coffee an everyday commodity here in the United States of America.

Today we share the cup and bask in the glow of the caffeine as it courses through our veins – warming us, keeping us alert and ready to face whatever the future may hold. Liquid inspiration. My muse starts whispering in my ear just about after the second cup. But just who has the best coffee out there? Whose brew is worth your time? Gentle Reader here are some of Evil Chicken’s favorites; granted I am only limited to the places that I haunt but rest assured I will gladly sample any suggestions that you provide. So without further ado…

Café DuMonde (New Orleans, LA). They’ve been in business at the French Market for over a century. They are open 24/7, only closing on Christmas and “for the occasional hurricane”. You will want to order a Café Au Lait (half coffee with chicory and half hot steamed milk) and a plate of Beignets. I would gleefully stop eating low carb for another visit. If you’re there – GO; you will not be disappointed.

Wawa (Delaware Valley). That’s right; I said it – Wawa. Excellent grab a cup and go coffee. I get to mix the exact chemical balance between two or three Splendas and a shot of Half & Half. Kona is my blend and 16-ounce is the perfect size. Some swear by Dunkin’ Donuts coffee – not me; I like to be the only one who touches it after it brews – most of the time I remember where my hands have been; most of the time.

Starbucks (Everywhere). Yes it’s a corporate empire but it is consistently the best game in town, or rather towns coast to coast – oh, I’m sorry; Starbucks is global. They can be pricey and one must learn the lingo on how to order a cup of coffee but it is worth the extra shekels and the time to comprehend the menu. As Number One said in Austin Powers, “…They produce a quality product.” Who am I to argue with one of Doctor Evil’s minions?

Bogart’s Coffee & Books (Millville, NJ). Not only is this one of my favorite coffee shops but it’s also my absolute favorite bookstore in the known universe. Great blends, books and, on Third Fridays, local musicians, artists and storytellers make their rounds. The place is full of characters and character. So is the coffee.

Fuel House Coffee Co. (Vineland, NJ). Try the Black Satin. Smooth, rich and caffeinated; just the way I like it. The business is also a Bain’s Deli. There’s seating and a stage in the back for musicians, comics and poetry slams. It can get real busy at lunchtime so plan accordingly. They’ve been known to close a little early too – even so, great coffee.

Crescent Moon Café (Mullica Hill, NJ). They roast their own beans. Nice. They know what they’re doing too. If you time it right or if you are lucky enough you can watch them roast the beans in their roaster/tumbler. The smell is amazing and there’s more skill and science to it than one would think. The Sumatran blend is awesome. The place is a little fru fru but worth the visit.

Brenner’s Brew (Bridgeton, NJ). Try a large French Roast. This is another fine place for checking out local musicians and artists. This place feels like Jack Kerouac has just breezed through for a cup and some conversation before hitting the road once again. Neat place.

So there you have it, my favorites. So, what did I miss? Where would you recommend? I’ll pack the Splenda and Half and Half – you tell me the spots!

Enjoy.

Happy Thanksgiving Gentle Reader!

Don’t forget to wear your stretchy pants to dinner.

God bless,

Evil Chicken

Doctor Who, Children in Need Special - Time Crash

This is pure genius. Bottom line. If you are a Doctor Who geek, like yours truly, then you will really appreciate this. It was for a children’s charity in the UK and it stars two of my favorite Doctors. Enjoy.

Before the Fire

It’s no secret Gentle Reader, I love technology and all the information and entertainment that is so nicely packaged these days to keep me grinning and numb. It’s all so shiny; so pretty. It’s like having the Library of Alexandria at ones fingertips – before the fire, of course.

…Before the fire…

Not to sound too alarmist in nature but I believe that is where we now find ourselves at this juncture in history. What’s old is new again. I am not a conspiracy buff by nature but I do think that this (http://www.google-watch.org/) is worth a look. There you will find several interesting articles including this one (http://www.google-watch.org/bigbro.html) that contains the following interesting list of things Google routinely does…

1. Google's immortal cookie:Google was the first search engine to use a cookie that expires in 2038. This was at a time when federal websites were prohibited from using persistent cookies altogether. Now it's years later, and immortal cookies are commonplace among search engines; Google set the standard because no one bothered to challenge them. This cookie places a unique ID number on your hard disk. Anytime you land on a Google page, you get a Google cookie if you don't already have one. If you have one, they read and record your unique ID number.

2. Google records everything they can:For all searches they record the cookie ID, your Internet IP address, the time and date, your search terms, and your browser configuration. Increasingly, Google is customizing results based on your IP number. This is referred to in the industry as "IP delivery based on geolocation."

3. Google retains all data indefinitely:Google has no data retention policies. There is evidence that they are able to easily access all the user information they collect and save.

4. Google won't say why they need this data:Inquiries to Google about their privacy policies are ignored. When the New York Times (2002-11-28) asked Sergey Brin about whether Google ever gets subpoenaed for this information, he had no comment.

5. Google hires spooks:Matt Cutts, a key Google engineer, used to work for the National Security Agency. Google wants to hire more people with security clearances, so that they can peddle their corporate assets to the spooks in Washington.

6. Google's toolbar is spyware:With the advanced features enabled, Google's free toolbar for Explorer phones home with every page you surf, and yes, it reads your cookie too. Their privacy policy confesses this, but that's only because Alexa lost a class-action lawsuit when their toolbar did the same thing, and their privacy policy failed to explain this. Worse yet, Google's toolbar updates to new versions quietly, and without asking. This means that if you have the toolbar installed, Google essentially has complete access to your hard disk every time you connect to Google (which is many times a day). Most software vendors, and even Microsoft, ask if you'd like an updated version. But not Google. Any software that updates automatically presents a massive security risk.

7. Google's cache copy is illegal:Judging from Ninth Circuit precedent on the application of U.S. copyright laws to the Internet, Google's cache copy appears to be illegal. The only way a webmaster can avoid having his site cached on Google is to put a "noarchive" meta in the header of every page on his site. Surfers like the cache, but webmasters don't. Many webmasters have deleted questionable material from their sites, only to discover later that the problem pages live merrily on in Google's cache. The cache copy should be "opt-in" for webmasters, not "opt-out."

8. Google is not your friend:By now Google enjoys a 75 percent monopoly for all external referrals to most websites. Webmasters cannot avoid seeking Google's approval these days, assuming they want to increase traffic to their site. If they try to take advantage of some of the known weaknesses in Google's semi-secret algorithms, they may find themselves penalized by Google, and their traffic disappears. There are no detailed, published standards issued by Google, and there is no appeal process for penalized sites. Google is completely unaccountable. Most of the time Google doesn't even answer email from webmasters.

9. Google is a privacy time bomb:With 200 million searches per day, most from outside the U.S., Google amounts to a privacy disaster waiting to happen. Those newly-commissioned data-mining bureaucrats in Washington can only dream about the sort of slick efficiency that Google has already achieved.

Now this article was written about three or four years ago and Google has now become the official 900 lbs. Gorilla of the search engine world. I myself blog here and explore the world via a wonderful program called Google Earth (http://earth.google.com/); two examples on how I have embraced Big Brother with open arms. Concerns over privacy and security have always been at the forefront of the criticisms of Google. In this age, however, where we gleefully surrender little things such as personal freedoms and liberties for the greater good comes the announcement of a brand new Google start up company called, 23andMe (http://www.23andme.com/).

23andMe has just opened for business. The Reuters article by Lisa Baertlein can be found here > (http://www.reuters.com/article/technology-media-telco-SP/idUSN1949168320071119). In the nutshell for the price of $999.00 you can now have your own personal genome deciphered and placed into a database for you to look up things such as your odds of developing Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, or athletes foot. You can do research into where your own particular genetic code can be traced to. Mine, no doubt, would be full of stocky, balding, Irish men looking for a decent potato and a pint or two or three of Guinness – but that’s not important now… What is important is that Google is a hairsbreadth away from being the purveyor of a viable genetic database that would be so tempting for a monstrous corporation (or monstrous government for that matter) not to pull information from.

…Oh so tempting…

"We believe this information provides intriguing insights into an individual's genetics, with the goal of expanding the collective knowledge base by enabling active participation in research," said Anne Wojcicki, 23andMe co-founder, who is married to Google co-founder Sergey Brin.

Think of it – genetic identification for everything. The testing equipment may even have the Google logo on it. Hey you advertise where you can. You want to start your car, open your front door, vote, and buy groceries or a new computer just lick here for your identity confirmation. Advertising campaigns could be tailored to the individual identified consumer. The target market (you and I) wouldn’t stand a chance. Speaking of things that wouldn’t stand a chance how about that little document known as the Constitution of the United States? Where would ones rights begin and end in a world dictated by ones own potential genetic yield verses what one actually accomplishes by working and striving for something that is only bought and paid for with the power of ones own dreams?

Talk about fascism!

Oh the control – the power… it’s too much for a controlling entity not to want to direct... to oversee. Think of the jobs that would be created for monitoring citizens. Yes… good times, good times. Evil Chicken – you are nuts. This would never happen – it’s too much like science fiction. I humbly submit, Gentle Reader, that there is no such thing as ‘science fiction’ any more – it’s only what is and what could be.

“Could Be” got a real shot in the arm today.

...I’d type more but agents are converging on my location. – Not that I’m paranoid or anything…

The Writer’s Strike of ‘07

It’s on now. The 4,000 members of the WGA (Writers Guild of America) have voted to go on strike. Why’s that? Well, it’s got a lot to do with as the story by Gary Gentile, Associated Press Business Writer says, “…a bigger slice of DVD profits and revenue from the distribution of films and TV shows over the Internet.” You can read the article yourself here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071105/ap_on_bi_ge/hollywood_labor_29;_ylt=Aq744qd6kZtymLr5XbCrFsYE1vAI.

Are they serious? Yes. Check out this letter dated 10/31/07, from the WGA website entitled, “Pencils Down Means Pencils Down”: http://wga.org/subpage_member.aspx?id=2529. Scroll down and see who is on the list. (BTW, I love that whole, “You have our word” ending.)

Writers have always been the red headed stepchildren of the film industry. They are not in front of the camera, they don’t direct or produce and they don’t usually throw tantrums if there are green M&Ms in the craft services bowl. They don’t have trailers on the set. They do not work with models or computer graphics designing special effects that are seen on small and big screens across the world. They don’t operate the cameras, edit film (35mm or digital), work with sound, cast for parts or scout locations either. They have nothing to do with scoring a picture or television series. Yet without the writer NONE of it is possible. Without the spark of creation inside the mind of a writer it all goes south – every last one of the aforementioned jobs simply does not happen. You see, Gentle Reader, it is the writer who first realizes that the story is there; from acres of blank 8.5 X 11 inch paper he (or she – BTW from this point on “he” is synonymous for both he and she) sees it first. In the theater that is his mind he constructs it, nurtures it, chips away at it and watches it develop honing the edge making it real. He hears the sounds around him, feels the textures and sees the colors of this world vividly displayed before him. Soon after he meets the inhabitants who live in there and they begin to talk to him. If he is observant enough and can jot down their words and listen to what they have to say then he can put it onto paper to report his findings to the rest of us here in our world. Now if he can assume the role of imagination’s correspondent and do it with voyeuristic abandon then he just may be a writer; a wordsmith whose job is to serve the story no matter what venue it takes.

Currently the venues in question are Film and TV; both are examples of collaborative story telling. You see once a screenwriter sells his script it is out of his hands and faces the hard, cruel world. I’ve been told this is akin to raising a child who becomes an adult – you raise them so far and then, one day they are on their own. I’ve been told this by people who have actually sold screenplays. What happens to the scripts after they are released into the wild is usually out of the writer’s hands. This has been changing with some directors wanting to have the writer(s) on set for ideas and/or changes but as a general rule of thumb once it is sold it’s gone. There have been amazing screenplays that have been made into horrid atrocities of filmmaking. This is the hazard of collaborative story telling. It’s just the way of things; the scriptwriter’s circle of life.

But I digress.

Late night TV will feel it first, followed by talk shows. Forget topical TV until after the strike is over. What happens with this strike will send ripples through the rest of the industry. The SAG (Screen Actors Guild) is watching closely to see what happens with the WGA for their own negotiations with the producers. They will want at the very least what the writers will get.

Everything is further complicated with how a product is delivered. Emerging technologies have and will always see to that. No one believed that people would be interested in watching color films until “A Visit to the Seaside” (which was made in “Kinemacolor”) premiered in 1908. No one believed that anyone would want to see a film where the actors talked until “The Jazz Singer” was released in 1927. No one believed that a giant ape could climb the Empire State Building with Fay Wray in hand until Willis O’Brien pioneered stop motion animation and made it happen in 1933’s “King Kong”. I could go on but we all get the gist, no? Fast forward to now. No one believed a few years ago that we would be able to plug these little things called “iPods” into a computer via the internet to download TV shows and films. Welcome to now. Titanic corporations are fighting it all out right now for who has the intellectual property rights (Viacom Vs. Youtube). This fight will play into speculative technology – or rather, technologies that are still emerging. Remember how well the recording companies befouled the whole MP3 thing? Well, film companies don’t want to repeat the same mistakes and that puts the film and TV industry is in the crossfire.

I support the writers. I’ve never sold a screenplay but I have two registered with the WGA and a third on the way. It will be interesting to see how this all develops. I’m not the only one who will be watching for the outcome. It might be a good time to rent some DVDs. I recommend the first season of “Heroes” and all seasons of “Battlestar Gallactica” and “4400”; believe me it will be better than all the reruns we are about to be hit with.

“Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead." - Gene Fowler