I
must preface this true tale, Gentle
Reader. It’s about a man and a library. It’s about how his card was revoked and about
his shame. You see, I am that man. I remember it like it was yesterday, because –
well, it was yesterday. Our story opens at the
Vineland Library. Here is what transpired…
“I
owe a debt to society.” I said handing the librarian my card. “I’m a day late
with, ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’.”
BEEP!
The card reader exclaimed. “You do live
in Vineland?” the librarian asked.
“My
mailing address is in Vineland.” I said.
“Do
you own property in the city of Vineland?” she asked.
“Well,
not anymore.” I said. Then I considered
the question and, wouldn’t you know, I had personally never owned property in
the city of Vineland. In my mind I heard
my own voice say, Not anymore – REALLY? What’s
wrong with you? Finding that I
didn’t have a good answer I gave the librarian what must have appeared an odd
smile.
“You
can’t borrow from here if you do not live in Vineland. If you want to borrow from here it will cost
you $50.00.” she said. Looking at my
slack-jawed response she added, “You may be able to use the Cumberland County
Library on 49 in Bridgeton.”
“$50.00?”
“$50.00.”
I
looked down at the book I was about to take out, Agatha Christie’s, ‘Curtain’. “Well, it was fun while it lasted.” I said.
“I’ll put this book back.”
“Yes,
ok.” She said.
<<<>>>
And
that’s all she wrote. I’m outta
there! Blackballed. Shunned.
The fat lady has sung. The
swallows? They’ve all gone back to Capistrano.
“It’s over, Johnny.” – Colonel Trautman [First Blood / Rambo]. Fini.
Roll credits. Cue up the “Sad
Hulk” song for Bill Bixby as he walks away until next week’s episode. BOOM.
Done. Vagrants must move on. No squatting.
You can read what you want but you can’t read it from here.
I
get it. I am now officially “that guy”. The freeloader. That
guy who’s taking books out of the hands of the fine people of
Vineland! That guy who comes to
your BBQ, eats all you burgers & weenies and leaves just after the empty
desert plates hit the table! THAT
GUY who switches lanes without using his turn signal and zips into the
parking spot that was undeniably yours!
Society’s burden & shame of the community at large! Yeah, THAT
GUY.
Ah, the way we were...
For
the record, it was never my intent to take advantage of the good people of
Vineland or any of the librarians for that matter. I returned to the Vineland Library due to convenience
– it’s only 5 (maybe 6) miles from my house and about three quarters of a mile
from where I work. The Vineland Library
issued me the card and ever since I have been using two libraries, Mays Landing
and Vineland. Mays Landing Library – a fine
library by my reckoning, is 12 miles away from Rancho del Evil Chicken.
If
you poke around this blog then you know already that I have a thing for
stories. I love them in whatever shape
they come, their tellers & the keepers of them. Libraries are lights in a community. Without them the community is poorer, colder. If you don’t have a library card – get one
& use it often. However, I
would advise you to live in the same town.
If you don’t then things can get poorer and colder for you quite quickly.
See
you at the library (the one in Mays Landing)!
