Saturday, February 02, 2008

The Schemes of Professor Atoz – A Tale by his Protégée, Ghost Writer and Friend; Warren McLaughlin


NOTE Gentle Reader; the following is a short story that is only the beginning of a much larger series of tales and adventures that are told in the Evil Chicken household to reinforce history lessons. It’s a game we play.

NOTE 2.0 – there are hidden messages in this particular blog entry – notes that will be missed by any and all that read it – save for two particular time agents (Chick 1.0 and Chick 2.0).

NOTE 3.0 – This is based on a true story.

I’ll never forget the summer of 1916. So much was going on in the world; the Germans had sunk the Lusitania killing 1,200 souls including 128 American Citizens in the process in 1915 yet our president, Woodrow Wilson still refused to enter the European conflict. He spent his time making mandates such as signing Mother’s Day proclamations and finding ways to remain neutral in the conflict that was to be the Last Great War. Teddy Roosevelt urged Wilson to enter the war calling the Germans “Pirates”. We probably would have too if not for the events that transpired on the evening of July 30; when cooler heads and much more fantastic happenings prevailed. It was the night I met Professor Cornelius Augustus Atoz. It was the night I should have died.

By means of introduction my name is Warren McLaughlin. I worked at the Black Tom Island munitions depot as a longshoreman. I hadn’t been at the job all that long and I was working late into the night. I’ve never been one to complain all that much when a job has to be done so it was late into the night that I worked. My crew and I had just finished loading a vessel bound for Great Britain. The crew had left the ship that we were loading when I saw this shadowy movement out of the corner of my eye near the cabin house. Back in my native Scotland when we see such things we chalk it up to the fairy folk or some other such figment of imagination. I called out towards where the movement happened half expecting a response from one of the work crew. All I got in response was silence; the silence of anticipation of the unknown. Not being one or shirk my duties I moved toward the side of the cabin house and joined the shadows. I slowly made my way down the side of the pilot’s house when I heard muffled voices. Now I’m no student of language but I could have sworn it sounded like German. I hesitated a moment then I stole a peek around the corner. I made out three figures crouched near a now-open deck hatch. They had some device with wires falling from the back into the gaping hatch below. I was petrified. I knew that something had to be done and I knew that I couldn’t do it alone. I began making plans to exit the ship and to bring back help. But I wasn’t alone watching the trio on the deck.

“Good evening, gentlemen.” A cheerful voice announced as he stepped from the opposite side of the pilothouse. “Which one of you is Thummel?” This new man was of average height and build. He wore a three-quarter length coat and held what appeared to be a pocket watch in his hand. I could tell that he was not a part of the trio by the look of detection on the others faces.

“Who are you?” one of the men said stepping into the light so that I could clearly see who he was – it was Charlie Thorne. He and I began working together about the same time. It couldn’t have been more than a month. His words were phrased in the King’s English with no German accent whatsoever. “How do you know that name?”

“Oh what’s in a name?” the man asked. “What’s important is that you are working for and are under the direction of one Frederick Hinsch.” I couldn’t help but see the fear rip through the trio as they wordlessly confirmed the question that the stranger had posed.

“Kill him!” Thorne shouted as one of the lackeys reached under his coat and pulled out a revolver.

I could take no more and jumped from the shadows, “Look out!” Suddenly all eyes were upon me. The lackey with the gun pointed it in my direction but instead of pulling the trigger, he began to violently shake where he stood. He collapsed in fits while his gun clattered to the deck and slid over the side of the ship. His two remaining comrades began to spasm and collapsed along side him completely unconscious. One of them almost tumbled into the hold of the ship. I looked to the stranger who had his pocket watch pointing in my direction.

“Who are you?” I asked. It took a long while for him to answer as if some great battle of outcomes were raging in his mind. He took a deep breath and took a look at his pocket watch. I noticed that there was some sort of glowing image hovering between the hinged lid and the watch face itself before he snapped it shut and returned it to his pocket.

“I am Professor Cornelius Augustus Atoz and who might you be?” He asked.

“Warren McLaughlin – I’m a longshoreman. I work here.” I said.

“Thank you for saving my life.” Atoz said.

“Saving your life?” I heard the words coming out of my mouth but they were distant; far off like they weren’t even mine at all. I looked at the figures sprawled on the deck. “…Are they?”

“Alive? – Yes they are, mind you they’ll be a bit out of sorts when they wake up but yes, they are alive.” He motioned me to join him as we moved closer towards their collapsed forms. “Allow me to introduce our tormentors,” he said pointing to each fallen man on the deck, “This is Frederick Hinsch – the leader of a pack of German saboteurs, Theodore Wozniak – the guy with the gun and Curt Thummel – munitions expert.”

“Munitions expert? That’s insane. He’s Charlie Thorne we’ve worked together right here for the last month! We load ships.”

“What do you load?” He asked interrupting my train of thought.

“Ships.”

“…Onto the ships. What do you load?”

“Munitions. We are a munitions depot.”

“Exactly. Now where was this ship heading?” He asked. As he did so his facial features lifted as if willing me to see the big picture as to what I was saying. It was a bit infuriating.

“Great Britain.” I said. A sudden lurching in my stomach occurred as I began to connect the dots. “Oh my… If this were to have gone off the explosion would have been…”

“Immense – probably about a 5.5 on the Richter scale. Now let’s see here…” the odd man said as he knelt down and fiddled with the device with the wires. He ripped them from the back and threw the contraption over the side of the ship. “Say Warren,” he said with a smile, “I could use a hand getting rid of the rest of the explosives from the hold and putting these gentlemen somewhere safe.”

“Somewhere safe?” I repeated. Once more the sound of my own voice was distant and adrift.

“Warren. Are you with me?” he asked with a smile.

“Yes. Yes of course.” And with that we got to work. It didn’t take long for us to find the explosives in the hold of the vessel all we had to do was follow the wires. Now as for putting the gentlemen ‘somewhere safe’ – that’s where things began to get strange. The good professor and I dragged them to the inside of the pilothouse.

“So what happens now?” I asked beginning to wonder if Atoz was going to alert the authorities or not.

“What do you know of the nature of time, Warren?” he asked.

“Not much, save that it flies when you’re having fun.” I said.

“Ha! Too true.” He said. “What if I were to say to you that time is a river. It flows from the mountains of creation to the oceans of the future. It exists and has always existed. As finite beings, it is impossible to perceive this concept on the whole – it’s simply too big for our minds to grasp. Unless, of course, you've been on the shoreline.”

“…The shoreline?” I asked.

“Yes – from the shoreline you can watch the river traverse the banks and plunge in wherever – whenever you want.”

“That’s daft.” I said. Though, if the truth be known, I was beginning to have several doubts as to the nature and being of this man called Professor Atoz. “It’s not possible.”

“Just bear with me Warren. Now suppose you could go back and make changes.”

“Changes?”

“Yes. Subtle changes here and there to produce better outcomes than the ones that fate, Father Time or the ones who exist outside the river of time have planned.”

“Ones outside the river of time?” I asked meekly.

“Focus Warren, this is not about them – it’s about right now; it’s about you and me and how we just saved millions of lives.”

“…What?”

“What time is it?” Atoz asked.

“I don’t know – you’re the one with that fancy watch.” I said.

“So I am.” He said reaching for his watch. “2:40 AM. Warren, what if I were to tell you that in another timeline we didn’t stop these three.” He gestured at the crumpled trio at our feet. “What if I were to tell you that at 2:11 AM the explosion happened; that it shook the Brooklyn Bridge, that the Statue of Liberty was damaged, that the tremors were felt as far away as Philadelphia and that lives were lost.”

“I’d say that a trip to Bellevue might be in order.” I was beginning to plot my own escape.

“I know that it is much to grasp. That’s why I’m going to show you.” He said and with that he turned to the wall that was behind him blank as the crest of the new fallen New York snow. He tapped his knuckles twice and something odd happened – an arched indentation rippled into existence. Impossibly stonework began to take shape in the archway and a heavy oak door with wrought iron hinges appeared. Atoz grasped the heavy iron latch and opened the door. Light poured into the pilothouse – light from the opening of that impossible door.

“Could you get his feet?” Atoz asked.

“…What?” I asked.

“Could you this one’s feet? They’ll be waking in a half hour or so and I’d like to have them somewhere safe when that happens.

“Where are we putting them?” I asked.

“It’s more like when are we putting them really.” He replied grabbing the shoulders of the first saboteur.

“You mean we are putting them into another time?” I asked. This concept was at once completely foreign and frightening to me.

“Well for the most part.” He said. “It’s really a pocket universe that I discovered for times such as these.”

“Pocket universe?” I asked grabbing the man’s legs and lifting.

“Yes. This particular world is now unpopulated… well, save for three soon to be new citizens.” He said as we, with Atoz in the lead, stepped into the world beyond the door. Of all things we were in a stable. We repeated this twice more, leaving the men there on the floor of the stable. When this was finished I looked at the Professor and as the thought came to my mind he began to speak once more.

“Warren, you are a good man. I am in need of good men for the task that is ahead of me. No doubt as you have probably wondered, it would have been easy to stun you and leave you here to increase the population of this world by one more. But that wouldn’t be very sporting – would it?” He smiled.

“You said that we saved millions of people tonight. How can this be?” I asked.

“Next year Woodrow Wilson will call for war on Germany. The U.S. Congress will declare it on April 6th and then, as they say, the rest is history.” He said.

I shuddered at this. It was as if someone had walked across my grave. Wilson never wanted in the war – he was an isolationist. But by blowing this place sky high the Germans would be pushing him onto a course of action that would throw the world into war. Then I considered our intervention and its repercussions. “I would have died tonight in the explosion – wouldn’t I?”

Atoz looked at me with eyes that just may have watched the pyramids being built or the Celts erecting Stonehenge. An odd figure who has inserted himself both into and out of our known history. “You would have been vaporized at 2:11 AM.” He said.

“So I’m living on borrowed time?” I asked.

“We all are, Warren.” He said. “What do you say we go get a pint and talk about what’s going to happen next.”

I looked at the man before me and thought of all the wonders that I had beheld and at all of the wonders the unwritten future could hold and in an instant my lot was cast.

“Yes. I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Lee the Horse Logger


Mother Hen introduced me to this interesting fellow… http://www.leehorselogger.com/index.html. He’s Lee, the Horse Logger.

Who?

LEE, the Horse Logger; under the section on his web page that proudly states, “Living Life in the Slow Lane” it is clearly stated, “… Lee has no agenda, is not endorsing or protesting anything. He is not raising money for a cause or selling anything. He is just living life to the fullest.” And THAT is a beautiful thing. You see Lee is traveling cross county journey to see what’s out there. As his website explains Lee built a covered wagon which is pulled by draft horses. He set out from East Glacier, Montana on August 9, 2006 to travel cross-country to visit his childhood sweetheart. He depends mostly upon the kindness of strangers in this quest.

Here’s an interview with Lee that succinctly explains what he’s all about… http://www.ellenvillejournal.com/2008/01/03/news/2.html. When asked about lessons learned and funny stories Lee says, “I learned that people are people. The other lesson there is if you choose to attract problems they will come to you guaranteed. If you choose to attract and give positive energy that will come too.”

I like this guy way better than Dr. Phil on a good day. There’s another interesting soul out there on America’s byways. They are out there you just got to know where to look.

Ride on Lee, ride on.

Weird England


I’ve always wanted to go to England with the family; Cardiff, Stratford on the Avon, Big Ben, London, Piccadilly Circus, Liverpool… Please, simply amazing. Now I’ve got another reason. Mark Moran and Mark Sceurman are producing a new book written by Matt Lake, “Weird England”, see: http://www.amazon.com/Weird-England-Matt-Lake/dp/1402742290/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1201487017&sr=8-1 OR http://www.weirdnj.com/store/product.php?productid=16164&cat=249&page=1.

The Marks are famous around these parts as being the minds behind the greatest magazine in the known universe, “WEIRD NJ”. If you aren’t familiar with said text please see, http://www.weirdnj.com/misc/main.asp. If you want to see what it’s like to take the roads less traveled click away and start planning your own trip on the Weird side.

I love Weird NJ. The pair had a short-lived TV series on the History Channel. The network just didn’t get it and they were relegated to rerun purgatory. That’s too bad because the Marks would be perfect bookends to the Discovery Channel lineup of shows such as “Dirty Jobs” and “Mythbusters”. Yeah, these Jersey Boys would fit in just fine, thank you very much.

But I digress.

I’ll be picking up a copy of their latest tome, checking out Google Earth and the travel guides. It is important to plan for such contingencies…

I guess it’s time to get a passport.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The 2008 Academy Awards


Thanks to Ain’t it Cool News for generating the following list. And the Nominations are…

Best Actor
George Clooney - Michael Clayton
Daniel Day-Lewis - There Will Be Blood
Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Tommy Lee Jones - In The Valley Of Elah
Viggo Mortensen - Eastern Promises

Best Supporting Actor
Casey Affleck - The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Javier Bardem - No Country For Old Men
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Charlie Wilson's War
Hal Holbrook - Into The Wild
Tom Wilkinson - Michael Clayton

Best Actress
Cate Blanchett - Elizabeth: The Golden Age
Julie Christie - Away From Her
Marion Cotillard - La Vie En Rose
Laura Linney - The Savages
Ellen Page - Juno

Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett - I'm Not There
Rudy Dee - American Gangster
Saoirse Ronan - Atonement
Amy Ryan - Gone Baby Gone
Tilda Swinton - Michael Clayton

Best Animated Feature
Persepolis
Ratatouille
Surf's Up

Art Direction
American Gangster
Atonement
The Golden Compass
Sweeney Todd
There Will Be Blood

Cinematography
The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Atonement
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Costume Design
Across The Universe
Atonement
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
La Vie En Rose
Sweeney Todd

Best Director
Julian Schnabel - The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
Jason Reitman - Juno
Tony Gilroy - Michael Clayton
Joel & Ethan Coen - No Country For Old Men
Paul Thomas Anderson - There Will Be Blood

Best Documentary Feature
No End In Sight
Operation Homecoming: Writing The Wartime Experience
Sicko
Taxi To The Dark Side
War/Dance

Best Documentary Short Subject
Freeheld
La Corona (The Crown)
Salim Baba
Sari's Mother

Best Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
Into The Wild
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Best Foreign Language Film
Beaufort
The Counterfeiters
Katyn
Mongol
12

Best Makeup
La Vie En Rose
Norbit
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Best Music Original Score
Atonement
The Kite Runner
Michael Clayton
Ratatouille
3:10 To Yuma

Best Music - Original Song
Once
Enchanted
August Rush
Enchanted
Enchanted

Best Picture
Atonement
Juno
Michael Clayton
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Best Animated Short Film
I Met The Walrus
Madame Tutli-Putli
Même Les Pigeons vont Au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)
My Love (Moya Lyubov)
Peter & The Wolf

Best Live Action Short Film
At Night
Il Supplente (The Substitute)
Le Mozart Des Pickpokets
Tanghi Argentini
The Tonto Woman

Best Sound Editing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country For Old Men
Ratatouille
There Will Be Blood
Transformers

Best Sound Mixing
The Bourne Ultimatum
No Country For Old Men
Ratatouille
3:10 To Yuma
Transformers

Best Visual Effects
The Golden Compass
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Transformers

Adapted Screenplay
Atonement
Away From Her
The Diving Bell And The Butterfly
No Country For Old Men
There Will Be Blood

Original Screenplay
Juno
Lars and the Real Girl
Michael Clayton
Ratatouille
The Savages

All Right Then… I will reserve my picks until I’ve seen more of the movies. Even though I can not see them all I will be making a post closer to broadcast time about who will win and who should win.

I’m curious as to just how the writer’s strike will affect the broadcast? I don’t know. There are people saying that they will not cross the picket lines.

I respect that.

Most of the time I’m only interested in who wins, their acceptance speeches and the retrospectives. This year I’m interested to see who will cross the picket lines IF the strike is still going on. Who knows if the strike is still on perhaps it will cut down on the insipid use of interpretive dancing to movie scores.

Why even have that?

Believe me – it is superfluous and should be cut anyway. Give the people more time to say what they have to say – whatever they have to say. In theory, these people – the nominees have worked their entire careers to win the approval of their peers and they get pushed out of rotation because of some dancing jackass?

Welcome to Hollywood.

Coffee Shop Update


I ran into another cool spot to grab a cup of coffee today. I’ve seen it before but never had the chance to visit – until today. I now have to add this place to my existing list of favorite places to grab a cup of coffee. For Evil Chicken’s Official Coffee House of Fame list see: http://evilchickenscratch.blogspot.com/2007/11/coffee-history.html. Anyway, I digress the place is called Beans Coffee Shop and its located in Woodstown, NJ on North Main Street. I had a large Guatemalan that had a lot of character and was eyeballing the home made pastries. Reminding myself that I’m a low carb cowboy these days I creamed and Splenda’d my coffee and left.

I swiped one of their cards, which also makes mention of being an Espresso Bar, specializing in teas and serving lunch & dinner. I didn’t get anything to eat but the salads looked good. The shop has all that one would want in a place to meet friends and discuss the important matters of the day. Music, ambiance, wifi, art, and photography, old baseball uniforms – the place has a great vibe. I’m only sorry that I was just passing through.

I’ll be back though… oh yes, I’ll be back. And I’ll be bringing Chickens with me!

WHAT!?

Heath Ledger was found dead today with a bottle of sleeping pills nearby. It is unclear if it was a suicide or not. Here is the story from Yahoo News: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080122/ap_on_en_mo/obit_ledger_19.

Too sad.

Ledger was more than on his way to being a fixture in cinema. Although the details are unclear of his death my thoughts and prayers go out to his friends and family.

Too soon.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Devil Annuls Parker’s Marriage


Precautionary note for you Gentle Reader: if you do not know who Peter Parker is and that he is married to Mary Jane Watson-Parker just skip this particular blog entry; although, if the truth were told, this is more about cohesive writing than comic book characters – so I guess I’ll leave it up to you…

Many moons ago I read a lot of comic books. I had subscriptions pulled for me and I’d faithfully march to the shop every other week or so to keep up with the chosen titles that I read. There were the Batman books, the Superman books and the Spiderman books; all wonderful escapist reading. I came to comic books seriously in college. I didn’t have time to read the headier stuff; I was working full time, going to school full time and just married – you could say I was a busy guy and comics filled a niche. I could read them and still manage to do all the crazy things that my schedule dictated that I needed to do. I got my dose of heroic fiction – which, by the way, has been the bread and butter of storytellers for the last several millennia or so. Simple three act structure – a beginning, a middle and an end. A protagonist faces a challenge, does something (or nothing) and ends up living (or dying) with the consequences.

There – that’s it; deceptively simple really.

“Where are you going Evil Chicken?” Please forgive my ramblings, Gentle Reader, it’s important to understand that stories have structure. Exhibit A: the cave wall. The story – the tribe was hungry so we took some pointy sticks, killed a mighty beast, have feasted on its flesh and now we telling the story, bathed in light from the fire on the wall of our cave. Simple. The tribe had a problem, they did something about it and they had a resolution. Now wouldn’t it be cheesy if instead of hunting a beast Og woke up and realized it was all just a dream and the tribe had plenty of food after all? Or suppose Og is visited by some magical fairy that waves its wand and POOF; there’s food for the tribe.

That’s weak. That’s a writer’s convenience. I am not currently a professional writer and I have been turned down by some pretty good literary magazines in my time. I freely admit that I’m a hack but even a hack can see that is sloppy writing. It cheats the reader, viewer and/or listener. The Greeks called this device deus ex machina. When there was a problem that needed solving in some Greek Tragedy a god would be lowered on a crane to make everything better. Well, the same thing is going on – right now, mind you, in the pages of Spiderman. You see the devil (Mephisto in the Marvel Universe) pops up and makes an offer for Peter to save his dear Aunt May from death – all he has to do is forfeit all memory and knowledge of his wife and the years that they have been together. The trick, since Mephisto savors torturing souls is that Mary Jane retains all of her memories.

Now let me say in all reality it’s not fair for me to say this since I haven’t read Spiderman in years BUT this sort of smacks of deus ex machina – no? It’s an easy fix. Chances are marrying off superheroes isn’t the best of all possible worlds. Spiderman has a certain range and while there’s a lot going on in the life of Peter Parker the simple fact is that your friendly neighborhood Spiderman has been for the last 20 years or so, your friendly neighborhood married guy; probably not what Stan Lee and Steve Ditko had in mind when a gangly teenager was bitten by a radioactive spider back in the sixties. Erik Larson, comic writer and artist made some pretty good points on the issue here: http://www.comicbookresources.com/columns/index.cgi?column=ofo&article=2972.

Still this may be entirely too early to call since, much like our world, in the comic book world anything can happen and usually will. I’m still pulling for Marvel to do right by the character and the fans – they both deserve a little more respect than that.

I’ve got to get back to a comic shop.

Cloverfield – A Retrospective


Be ye warned… there be spoilers ahead.

I just got back from a matinee showing of “Cloverfield”. JJ Abrams and company have put together a hip little survival horror film with this one. The film, as has been described previous on this little ole blog, is “Godzilla” meets “The Blair Witch Project” and – yup, that’s about right. The story never attempts to explain just what the monster is or where it came from and that’s a good thing since the story unfolds through the lens of a digital handheld camera as seen by an impromptu group of documentary filmmakers. The premise is that this camcorder was found after the event in a place that used to be called Central Park, NY and is now designated by the United States Government as section Cloverfield.

The monster is what it is (whatever that is) – the friends must accept that and try to survive. The monster could be an allegory for almost anything big and bad – terrorist attacks, natural disasters, big monsters that usually attack Tokyo, whatever. I’d like to think that it’s some sort of H.P. Lovecraft-ian version of Cthulhu. From what I understand the head of the Statue of Liberty that bounces off a skyscraper and comes to a scraping stop in the street is homage to the poster from “Escape from New York”. This makes my geek heart smile. The cast of (currently) “unknown” actors is imperative to having the plot as realistic as possible. You couldn’t have pulled it off with a cast of established personalities. As with “The Blair Witch Project”, to suspend belief in what’s happening within the film the actors had to be “real”. It’s a great cast and they really pull it off.

It is a good time at the movies and at the end of the day isn’t that what you went there for in the beginning? There’s some really cool stuff that should be witnessed on the big screen BUT be forewarned the jerkiness of the camera, the movement and at times the angles of the shots will begin to turn your stomach. Grab your Dramamine and wash it down with whatever you can smuggle in from Wawa (since a small soda is currently $4.50 at the theater). It will make you woozy. I know that I was. I’m sure that I missed some things but it couldn’t be avoided.

I am truly looking forward to the next JJ Abrams produced picture – Star Trek 11. Abrams co-created “Alias”, “Lost” and is rumored to be bringing Stephen King’s “Dark Tower” series to life on either the big screen or HBO.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Giant Monster Eats City


“Cloverfield” opens tomorrow (1/18/08). What’s that? Well it’s a movie produced by J.J. Abrams (the same guy who is making the next Star Trek film) about a giant monster that attacks New York City. It’s told from the perspective of a small group of people who document what’s going on around them with a digital video camera – think of it as “Godzilla” meets “Blair Witch”.

http://www.cloverfieldmovie.com/

Yeah, good times… good times… It should be fun BUT what will probably push me over the edge and buy a ticket is the teaser trailer for Star Trek 11 (please see attached picture ala Ain’t It Cool News).

Yep. I do believe a trip to the theater is in order.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

From Then to Now


I have two boxes of photos here in the room where my laptop usually sits. One box is full of pictures of actual events that I remember and was, to some extent or another, involved in – the other box is full of memories of another man – that man was my father. Every now and again I pull the box down, rummage and wonder about the images I see there. I have reached a point in my life where there is no one left to answer my questions as to whom the people in the photos may be or rather, who the people were.

I can hear my father there – at least a remembrance of things said. With this box of pictures sometimes I can make a match between what Dad told me and a photo of the genuine article. I remember hearing about his Indian Motorcycle – now I’ve seen it. The Hot Dog stand that the family ran at the Wildwood boardwalk – seen it. Duke, Dad’s dog – plain as day. The Acropolis and sailors on shore leave now have pictures to match their stories. Then there are the ones that I’ll never know like the inspiration for the freshly inked tattoo of a schooner under full sail on my Dad’s left bicep, or the woman he is passionately kissing on and under the boardwalk who is not my mother (although it could be his first wife). The pictures look as if Marlon Brando came to Dad to research his look for “The Wild One” – a film that came out in 1953 and these photos are taken a year or two before that release date. Bit of a Greaser Dad was.

Then there are the cards and the postcards. Dad was in the navy and served on the U.S.S. Columbus CA-74. I know this because I have a Christmas card that was in the box too. It’s to my grandmother. There is a green drawing of the vessel just above center and a red anchor line around the boarder. The inside of the card reads, “This ain’t much of a card is it – Reckon it says just about what an expensive one does though. Tell Nanny Merry Christmas for me. Can’t get any better cards. I’ll get better ones for you when I get back.” I have no idea who “Nanny” is. Dad never spoke of his grandparents and since it is hand written the name could also be either Mary or Danny depending on how one reads the script. Another example is a postcard sent from Barcelona Spain with a picture of the city on the front and on the back, “Howdy Mom – the Admiral (6th fleet) leaves at 1100 today. Maybe we’ll be getting underway for Tangiers North Africa tomorrow. The New Port News is tied up alongside us now. Sure is a clean looking ship – ours is better though.”

I called in Chick 1.0 (my 15 year-old daughter) and showed her the contents of the box. “See this guy?” I asked showing her the picture of the guy with the wavy slicked back black hair, white ¼ sleeve tee shirt and new tattoo passionately kissing some woman who is not her grandmother.

“He’s a Greaser. A pimp of the past.” She said.

“He’s your grandfather.”

We both giggled and gleefully went through the rest of the box for the next hour of so. I told her all I could which wasn’t too much. The box itself is now like a postcard. The stamps are from ports of call around the world, the memories are not mine but there is a familiarity to them all the same.

The address reads, “from then to now”.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The Life of an Explorer


Sir Edmund Hillary has passed on. Here is the announcement from Radio New Zealand News: http://www.radionz.co.nz/news/latest/200801111143/sir_edmund_hillary_is_dead.

This was a man who knew that life is an adventure and lived it accordingly. Wikipedia, my favorite second brain says, “On 29 May 1953 he and Sherpa mountaineer Tenzing Norgay became the first climbers known to have reached the summit of Mount Everest…” Check it out for yourself here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sir_Edmund_Hillary.

The lion’s share of the map is now filled in. This process happened because of men like Hillary. Of course there is more to discover… more to explore but the simple truth is that the world is smaller now – it has shrunk. Men and women like Edmund Hillary saw to that. Today we can easily sit and watch groups of people attempt to ascend Everest on the Discovery Channel with a simple flick of our remote control; such was not the case when Hillary and Norgay made their climb. It’s getting harder and harder to point to a living example of an explorer.

Today that very short list got even shorter.

Oh that we develop the eyes to see the wonder around us. My thoughts and prayers are with his friends and family at this time.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Will Blu-ray Rule Them All?

As the Businessweek (http://www.businessweek.com/globalbiz/content/jan2008/gb2008018_681920.htm?c) article says, “Warner announced on Jan. 4 that it would release only high-definition Blu-ray movies starting July, ending its support for the rival HD DVD format.”

That about sinks the battleship. The battle for the future is almost over – there can be only one. Hold on a tick… maybe I can squeak out one more cliché…

…Nope. Sorry, I’ve got nuthin.

“Evil Chicken, what are you talking about?” you may ask; and might I just add, that’s a wonderful question, Gentle Reader. The Businessweek article does a very good job of explaining things. The battle for the future is the battle for how media is going to be sold to us in all of its High Def goodness in the days to come when we all have HDTVs and Blu-ray disc players to replace our DVDs (and DVD players too, I might add). This war has been brewing for the last few years as time and technology march forward High Def is quickly becoming the shape of things to come. So, just how will studios peddle their High Def wares to us? Well there are two choices; the HD DVD format and Blu-ray. Blu-ray is winning. Disney went exclusive Blu-ray early into the fray – that was an important battle. Now with Warner and their voluminous catalog of film going exclusively Blu-ray that just may have been the decisive battle.

I currently own neither. If I were to make the jump Blu-ray would, most likely, be the smarter choice at this point. Buying an HD DVD player would be like buying a Betamax player back in the eighties when VHS is about to become the alpha-video player. One could make an argument that Betamax was better than VHS but the market decided who won that war. This time Blu-ray can actually hold a lot more information on a disc than an HD DVD so, in essence, the better mousetrap may be about to win this go round.

What will the future look like – or rather, what will the next format be? I bet it’ll be something akin to an MP3 or audio file; yup, just a file that you can download. Really – why take up all that space in your living room when you can be jacked into the central nervous system of your home and rent or purchase movies, music, as well as, cable and network programming with the press of a button or monthly subscription? It could all be stored in flash memory since archaic things like hard drives (with moving parts, mind you) are destine to get broken. Hey, while we’re at it, isn’t it time to get that big ole HDTV? You know the one – the 50-inch LCD with that magic number “1080p” attached to it – or better yet, how about that 150-inch plasma from Panasonic.

…Oh yes…

HD DVD cancelled their presentation at the Consumer Electronics Show 2008 after Warner made the announcement on January 4. That doesn’t bode too well either. So hold your stock in Sony and sell your holdings with HD DVD. Let’s see here… that’s five out of seven major studios supporting Blu-ray (according to the above article)?

The fat lady is clearing her throat.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

WING TUT!


Stop the press. Here’s something just too cool that I had to share with you, Gentle Reader… I’m at Yahoo and I’m cruising for a new picture to replace the one that’s been up since New Year’s Day and low and behold I happen to see a friend of mine.

…No really.

Check it: http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Most-Emailed-Photos/ss/1756#/080104/ids_photos_en/r456306930.jpg

The article is from Reuters (by Tim Shaffer) and says… “Wingbowl participant Elliott "Wing Tut" Maruffi-Cowley grimaces as he holds down chicken wings after the second round during the 14th annual Wingbowl event in Philadelphia, February 3, 2006. A Chicago tavern said on Thursday it will begin selling chicken wings coated in one of the world's hottest peppers -- a dish so hot that patrons first have to sign a waiver agreeing not to sue for injuries.”

How cool is that?

There will be more seen from Elliot in 2008 ladies and gentlemen – things that I really can’t go into now, but let me just say that is SO COOL!

I had to share it.

Politics

You know how some people will say something like, “I don’t like politics” when really mean that they actually LOVE politics? Yeah? I’m not one of those people. I don’t like politics and, instead subscribe to the Obi Wan Kenobi school of thought that says all politicians are, “not to be trusted”. I don’t care what party you’re discussing – it does not matter. Having a “two party” system is a disservice to the concept of democracy. Many voices should be heard and not just the well funded ones. Yes that’s idealistic but so are all the schools of political thought – including democracy. They all work great on paper. IMHO, democracy is the closest thing to what is on the printed page but make no mistake… it’s idealistic.

One of the many reasons I have not taken to a life of crime is that I would never want to go before a jury of my peers. Why? Both my peers, and me respectfully are idiots. The correlation between jurors and voters shouldn’t be ignored in this paragraph. Another reason that I have not broken any laws that would put me behind bars is that I would be entirely too popular. There are simply too many distractions in prison for me to want to break any laws that might put me there.

But enough about my life of crime; let’s talk political parties. If I were to choose a party it would probably be Libertarian. These people like little government involvement and instead favor personal responsibility over having the state monitor every possible aspect of ones life. I live in New Jersey – that will never happen here. A recent quote from one of the legislators (unfortunately I forget which one) from Trenton, our capitol was, “if there is anything we can control – we should.” That thought process really scares me. It’s way too Orwellian for my tastes; entirely too controlling, too far reaching. Just what happens if the legislators are idiots? Suppose they cared more for what the lobbyists brought or gave them than the people they are supposed to be serving? Hmmm. Unfortunately, one does not have to wonder too long – not too long at all.

How about elections? Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a set amount of dollars candidates were able to spend in any given election – some sort of cap? Perhaps we would hear more from other parties besides the republicans and the democrats? Who said that we should prostrate ourselves before a two party system anyway? Probably some group of old, rich, white guys who are used to having all the power in the world – that’s who.

But enough about the things that are not – let us discuss the things that are. Not saying that I support ANY of the people I’m about to mention (really – since I voted for “Weed Man” in the last NJ election because I didn’t like ANY of the other candidates) but the way I see it there is no way the republicans are going to keep the White House this go round. Just forget it. This being said and as much as I would like to have a viable third party candidate – he or she does not exist at this time so the unbeatable ticket would have to be Obama/Clinton or Clinton/Obama (I’ll let you decide who is President – with the political machinations in place it really doesn’t matter which is which).

Unbeatable.

The merciful decision of the Democratic Party would be to end this charade right now and just say they are the ticket in November. This won’t happen either since it’s only January and we as a people like to watch all of the pomp and circumstance of such proceedings play out on network television. The talking heads from every network known to man have to weigh in and have their say. Those whom pay attention in the voting public to such things have to go through the motions too. We must feed (and be fed by) the machine.

Que Sera, Sera.

Well there you have it – my best guess as to whom is going to be leading the free world during the next four years come November. A Clinton/Obama or Obama/Clinton ticket would win – no doubt. I won’t be voting for them but I won’t be voting for whoever the Republican’s will run either… I’m still pulling for Weed Man.

That’s all I’ve got to say about that. I now return you to your regularly scheduled dose of trivial information, You Tube videos and movie previews. This pleases me since one can’t swing a dead PETA member without hitting a candidate for something this time of year – and its only January.

Lord help us.

4400 Season 3 Gag Reel

4400 – I will miss you horribly.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

What’s In A Carb?

I am an Atkins zombie. I am, admittedly, pretty strict. Not that I’m tooting my own horn here but I’ve dropped about a hundred pounds on the “diet”. Note the “quotation marks” around the word diet. I put them there because I know that I cannot look at anything I eat as being part of a diet – I have to look at it like a “life style change”.

Quotation marks can be annoying – no?

Sorry, I digress… I still have a lot of pounds to loose but I’ve been quite pleased with my menu of bacon, mayonnaise, eggs, roast chicken (with my olive oil – Old Bay rub), slow roasted pork, chicken wings (extra crispy & hot) and buckets of bleu cheese dressing. Have you ever had crumbled bleu cheese on a steak? …Oh man…

Before you ask, my cholesterol is under 174. I can’t fault you, Gentle Reader, it’s a good question.

I’ve started to introduce “good carbs” into my chosen edibles list, kidney beans (for the occasional bowl of spicy chili) and tomatoes (in small amounts).

So why blather on about this to the blog reading public? Well, I have a confession and it is a well-established fact that confession is good for the soul; for about a day and a half – nay TWO days (one of those days included Christmas) I carbed out. I ate some bread, some fruitcake (one of my favorite cake substances in the whole of the known world) and drank eggnog.

There – I said it!

I’m back on the wagon now but in a remote corner of my brain I feel somewhat fatter. It’s just a nagging sensation that instead of creeping downward I started creeping up the scale once more. Not that I’m too concerned – I just know that I’m on the plus side of the holidays.

Oh well; it’ll come off. Maybe I’ll cut out the kidney beans and tomatoes for a while?

See you at the gym!

Nah

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Evil Chicken’s Spring & Summer Movie Preview – 2008 Edition


Happy New Year Gentle Reader! I wish you much health and happiness in twenty-oh-eight! Yes – I know that this is early... Yes – I know that most people are doing their year in review stuff. Well that’s not the case here at Chicken Scratch! Oh no. Now is the time when a movie geek begins to plot and plan for the coming few seasons at the multiplex. And what seasons they will be; the studios are plotting to push a lot of popcorn this year. I shudder for the summer of 2009 and the products that will be mercilessly unleashed onto the public with the writers strike still in full swing. It won’t be pretty; 2008, however, will rock.

Anyway, here’s a list of movies that I’m about to put in my calendar. Why don’t you go get yours too? We can do it together. Go on, I’ll wait.





Got it? Good. Pen too? Excellent. Here’s the list…

MAY

Iron Man (May 2nd): Have you seen the trailer? They’ve got this right. Could they have found a better actor than Robert Downey Jr. to play Tony Stark? No. Expect big things from this one – not just the obligatory amazing special effects but in character development. Stark is not a likeable guy and his transformation into someone better is what really makes the character shine. Opening night – no doubt; I can even bring the kids.

Speed Racer (May 9th): Driving right out of my childhood memories and onto the big screen! The Wachowski brothers (the Matrix movies, V for Vendetta) are doing the honors. Have you seen this trailer? It’s an unabashedly campy, anime Trip with live actors that I can’t wait to see. I’ll drag the kids to this one.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (May 16): I enjoyed the first one and loved the book. I never read “Prince Caspian” by C.S. Lewis but it just may have moved up on my reading list. BTW, if you get a chance one of my favorite C.S. Lewis books is a written correspondence between two demons called “The Screwtape Letters”. Good stuff, but I digress. Yeah, I’m there and I’m taking the kids.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 22nd): Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of my absolute all time favorite movies. TOD was passable and TLC was good but RAIDERS… simply awesome. There is no doubt that I will be keeping up with the Jones’s on opening night… it is as sure as the tides… well Lord willin’ and the creek don’t rise.

John Rambo (May ?): I was in high school when Rambo First Blood Part II came out. The paperback adaptation spread through my school like a plague; everyone wanted to read the thing including yours truly. The movie turned violence into a ballet – no, it was more than that… Rambo was visceral justice dispensed through a psycho Vietnam vet who really should have stayed on his medications. He was the poster child for PTSD. I was hooked; what can I say, maybe it was youth or perhaps Reaganomics? Whatever the case, he’s back… and I’m gonna go see him on the big screen once more. I will NOT be bringing the kids to this one. Did I mention “visceral”?

JUNE

The Happening (June 13th): M. Night Shyamalan’s new movie. Yes you can make the argument that his stuff’s been sliding downhill since “The Sixth Sense” but I still like his take on telling a story. He’s a relatively local guy as well (from Philly) and has set many of his tales around Pennsylvania. I don’t know much about this movie other than it has something to do with a natural crisis that a family has to escape from. One thing I do know is that a buddy of yours truly is going to be in it (see: http://freudianslipsincreativewriting.blogspot.com/). I’ll be there to see that. Give ‘em heck Joe!

The Incredible Hulk (June 13th): I hated “The Hulk”. It was an incredible let down for yours truly; the acting, the writing, the editing. Blah! I love the character though and I’m hoping that those responsible for this reboot do this time as well. This is key for any adaptation to work. If you have no idea who said beloved characters are or their origins stay away; stay far away. Ed Norton is Bruce Banner and this may prove to be an inspired bit of casting. I’ll see it in the theater, out of respect for the character, but it might just have to be a matinee.

Get Smart (June 20th): Would you believe that agent Maxwell Smart is going to be played by Steve Carell? Would you believe that Alan Arkin is going to be Chief? This will make me smile with nostalgia and introduce the whole shootin’ match to another generation of admirers. Mel Brooks and Buck Henry created the original. I don’t know if they had any involvement in this incarnation but I know that I’ll be there to see it. It’s time to break out the Cone of Silence once more. The kid’s will love it.

Wall-E (June 27th): Pixar is back and this time they’re bringing a trash compacting robot. Wall-E is left on earth with his fellow machinations and he goes on a quest to find out just what happened to the human race when they left the planet. It’s Pixar. It will be genius. Bottom line. Yes, I’ll be there and so will the kids.

JULY

Hancock / Tonight, He Comes (July 2nd): Will Smith is a superhero with feet of clay in this one. Everyone dislikes the guy. He begins an affair with the wife of a PR guy that’s hired to save his reputation. I’m still not sold completely on this one; I’m still having thoughts of “My Super Ex-Girlfriend” go through my mind when I hear or read about this film. Still, I enjoy Will Smith and I think that it will be good to see him in a role where you have to strain to actually like and root for him. We shall see…

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (July 11th): Guillermo del Toro is a genius. No really – I mean it. Go rent “Pan’s Labyrinth” if you don’t believe me. The man has a way of bringing nightmare images to life: monsters – and I’m not just talking about the grotesque ones; I mean the ones who are human beings. Wow what a film that was. It played on two levels, a young girl’s dream world and against the horrors of the Spanish Civil War. Go rent it, but be warned, it is not for the faint at heart or young eyes to see. While you’re at Blockbuster rent the first “Hellboy” too. Go on – treat yourself. Hellboy is based on a comic character created by Mike Mignola for Dark Horse Comics. Hellboy is a big red devil like creature with a tail that files off his horns because he’s not too happy about what they represent. He’s got a huge right hand made of stone and he works for the United States Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense. As the Wikipedia article says, “Hellboy has been dubbed as the ‘World’s Greatest Paranormal Investigator’”. Guillermo is fresh of the Oscars that he won for “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “Hellboy 2: the Golden Army” is where he’s setting up shop next. Opening day sans kids. This will be eye popping.

The Dark Knight (July 18th): Oh my goodness; this is my pick for 900 lbs. Gorilla of the summer season. That’s saying something since there is a lot of competition this summer for best popcorn flick. Please allow me to go on record here at the start of the New Year and say that Batman will rule over Indy and Iron Man. Why? Good question, easy answer; Heath Ledger’s JOKER. This will be scary… psychotic in scope. Christopher Nolan (director of this one and it’s predecessor “Batman Begins”) knows what he is doing with the Iconic character of the Batman. He knows that Bruce Wayne is almost just as crazy as those he chases down – the only real difference is the idea that at Batman’s core he does not want to see what happened to him happen to anyone else. The Joker is the living personification of the phrase, “comedy is tragedy” and he is ready to champion either basis with extreme sociopathic prejudice. This is not Caesar Romero’s Joker, it’s not going to be Jack Nicholson’s either (although, if the truth be known, I love both of their portrayals of the character). Expect the unexpected with this one. Warner Bros. is banking on it and so am I. Opening night for me – I’m still not convinced that this will be one to take the kids to yet.

X – Files 2 (July 25th): This one snuck up on me. It’s still classified as being “in production”, I didn’t think that it would be ready to roll this summer – I was wrong. I was a huge fan of the series until the dreaded disease, Favoritus-Disappearus, struck it down. David Duchovny left the show only to have a few walk-ons for the rest of the series run. Too bad. Gillian Anderson stayed which was good but the show lost it’s chemistry. Well, they’ll be back together once more this summer. It will take some fancy writing to have those two back on the X-files after the series finale (Scully and Mulder intentionally disappearing together to live off the grid and on the run). I’ll be there though – after all, I Want to Believe.

AUGUST

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (August 1st): Same cast different movie. Brendan Fraser and Maria Bello return to find a new batch of Mummies to vanquish. This time they are bringing their son (Luke Ford) with them. It won’t win any Oscars but it should be a fun afternoon at the movies.

I have to stop myself here. I’d go on but what would I do for the big Fall / Winter Movie Preview. This will have to do for now; that’s a big list. That’s a lot of popcorn. Enjoy it while we can. 2009 will, most likely, be weak. 2008 is another story.

I’ll see ya at the multiplex.

Monday, December 31, 2007

2007 – Where Did You Go?


“You know… as you get older time will move - it will fly by.” The Old Man said.

“Wow.” I replied.

The aforementioned exchange never really happened. I’ve been aware of the precious nature of time since my eighteenth birthday. But I have noticed as the years have clicked by that those clichés are more than true. I have seen them realized and do you know what? – Those old people really knew what they were talking about.

Tempus Fugit. …No, really. Time flies and as we get older it really flies.

What’s done is done. The past is the past. Gone; never to return. In the words of the philosopher Jimmy Buffett, “…breathe in breathe out – move on.” There’s really not all that much can be done about it now. Make as best friends as you can with the past and walk on. We can make plans for the future but all that really is is a hypothesis and but a hope for what may come.

What we have is right now… (I think).

So RIGHT NOW, Gentle Reader, I wish you the best of all possible outcomes in the New Year. Stay healthy, stay happy, remember to tell those that you love that you love them and understand the difference between what you want and what you need. Enjoy what you have. We are very lucky. There is so much wonder and amazement around us. My hope is to develop the eyes to see that clearer in the coming year and to pass that vision along to my children.

May 2008 be all that you hope it to be.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Rotten Tomatoes 2007 Best Film List

I haven’t seen ‘em all but Rotten Tomatoes has. Here’s what their editors picked as the top of 2007: see - http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/no_country_for_old_men/news/1700054/.

I agree with “300” and “Ratatouille” since I’ve seen ‘em and know that they are worth your time. The rest are most likely decent rentals though.

And with that; it’s New Years Eve. Do you believe it? I have a few issues with the concept… Still, the calendar must be satisfied.

Happy New Year, Gentle Reader, may it be all that you hope it to be.

Brand New Knight Rider Teaser

Reinvented Eighties Cheese?

Bring it on!

You Work Hard for the Money

So hard for it Honey… Doesn’t it sort of upset you when you pay good, hard earned dollars for something that you or your Aunt Annie could have done better? Does it not irk you that you are paying for something sub par – at least on some level? Does it kill you that YOU are supporting with your hard-earned dollars garbage and/or poor service? Don’t get me wrong, I understand the concept of service, capitalism and supply and demand – but when you put money on the wood don’t you wish that you got what you expected when you laid down said cash?

Sure you do. So do I.

I remember sitting in a theater watching “League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” in the theaters and being physically ill. The couple that we (Mother Hen and I) went with had no appreciation for the original genius that Alan Moore’s graphic novel truly is. No kidding. Alan Moore has the distinction of being listed on Time Magazines 100 Best Novels of All Time List (for the “Watchmen” and not League – but you get the idea); see - http://www.time.com/time/2005/100books/the_complete_list.html. The couple we went to the theater with couldn’t understand why I was so upset.

“They completely blew it.” I said. “It’s like they had no idea that the story had been written – that there is an established reality.”

“It was ok.” They said.

“Did you see the same movie I just did?” I said. My jaw dropped open at the end of the sentence.

It was a wonderful evening. The film left such a bad taste in my mouth that it spilled over into my general presentation. I became much like the character Hyde in the film – a ripe jerk.

“But it had Tom Sawyer…” they said.

“TOM SAWYER is NOT in the book.” I explained.

“You mean COMIC book?” they asked.

I shut down. Why bother? Really? Yes I might be a ripe jerk but I was standing with Mr. Moore on this one – he refused outright to have his name attached to the steaming abomination that we had just PAID MONEY out of my POCKET to see.

A-hem

Please forgive me. I digress. I will eventually get over my bitterness.

What if there was an easy way for me to check into a media product before buying it…

Hmmmm…

Enter Meta Critic (see: http://www.metacritic.com/). There are other sites like it but I like the scope of what they review; Movies, DVDs, TV, Books, Music and Games – you could say that there is a decent spread.

Feel free to add it to your arsenal of preparedness sites on the web. It’s merely a tool to keep you, Gentle Reader, apprised of your choices before you spend your hard earned money on a well hyped media dud.

Be careful out there kiddies.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Free Rice


.com that is: http://www.freerice.com/.

I was poking around Neil Gaiman’s web page (http://www.neilgaiman.com/) and read about this little gem. It’s a non-profit that wants to increase people’s vocabulary and feed people at the same time. Not a bad proposition really.

I’m a shlub and can use all the help I can get. Try it out. Learn some words – feed some people.

“Randomosity”

noun, plural – ties.

1. The state or quality of being random.
2. The measure of the extent to which a random action, thought, person, place or thing that possesses this property.
3. A term invented by Chick 1.0.

Last year at Christmas a co-worker gave me an Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader calendar and neglected to say that it was mine for the last 11 and a half months. It’s been sitting on a desk in our office. He explained that he forgot to give it to me last year. No worries. I can appreciate that – hey it’s the thought that counts. This being said please allow me to share some of the Randomosity that exists within the confines of the calendar itself. If you are familiar with the “Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader” series of books then you may have already heard some of these little factoids. If not then please enjoy…

Adoxography is defined as “good writing about a trivial subject”.

The average person passes gas 14 times a day, totaling 1 to 3 pints worth.

What are Dr. Jekyll’s and Mr. Hyde’s first names? Henry and Edward.

Blood travels 60,000 miles (96,540 KM) a day as it circulates through the human body.

DeForest Kelly was buried in his Dr. McCoy tunic.

For at least 5 years, the U.S. Army refused to believe that the Wright Brothers could fly.

A dose of rattlesnake venom that would kill a horse barely affects an opossum.

No only child has ever been elected U.S. President.

How long American drivers wait at traffic lights in their lifetime: 14 days.

Algae produce over half of the oxygen humans breathe.

According to plumbers the hardest item to flush down a toilet is a ping-pong ball.

There are an estimated 5 ½ million billion tons of air in the atmosphere.

Earth’s water is 97% salt water, 2% frozen water and 1% fresh water.

Given the opportunity, chimpanzees will hunt ducks.

Playwright Tennessee Williams died when he accidentally swallowed a plastic bottle cap.

Ginger works as well as Dramamine as a remedy for motion sickness.

Quotation marks are the newest punctuation marks in the English language (1600s).

World wide, Christmas has been celebrated on 135 different days of the year.

The ratio of lobbyists to senators in Washington, D.C. is about 75 to 1.

All three of Christopher Columbus’s ships were originally named for Barcelona prostitutes.

Coney Island was once full of rabbits, which New York’s colonists called “Coneys”.

Placed in Frank Sinatra’s casket: a bottle of Jack Daniels, a pack of Camels, a Zippo lighter and 10 dimes (so he’d always have change for the pay phone).

The first Hollywood movie to show a toilet flush: Psycho (1960).

Odds that you will be dealt 4 of a kind in 5 card draw: 1 in 4,165.

Ernest Hemingway rewrote the final page of “A Farewell to Arms” 39 times.

Ownership of squirrels is forbidden in Arkansas, except during October, November and December.

Randomosity is the intent of the Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader calendar and my daughter made up that term. Please petition the people at Webster’s to include the word in their next edition.

Thank you.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Forbes Fictional 15 – End of the Year Edition

Chick 1.0 and I ran across this while searching through some video game data… Who knew that the Umbrella Corporation was in the top 25 of the richest fictional companies? Forbes did!

We dug deeper. No stone was unturned in our investigation. Our search quickly led us to the Forbes website (skip the “welcome screen” and scroll down for the list and companies) – http://www.forbes.com/2007/12/11/richest-fictional-characters-oped-books-fict1507-cx_mn_de_1211fictional15_land.html.

And there we struck gold; as did several fictional characters and companies this past year. According to Forbes this list names the 15 richest people in the realm of fiction. Here is this years top 15:

1. Scrooge McDuck
2. Ming the Merciless
3. Richie Rich
4. Mom (Futurama)
5. Jed Clampett
6. C. Montgomery Burns
7. Carter Pewterschmidt
8. Bruce Wayne
9. Thurston Howell III
10. Tony Stark
11. Fake Steve Jobs
12. Gomez Addams
13. Willy Wonka
14. Lucius Malfoy
15. Princess Peach

Chick 1.0 and myself sought others who had made the list in years past. Though unavailable for comment, Lara Croft (who has been on the list before) has voiced her concern about the legitimacy of “The 15” in a public statement she said, “What does Princess Peach have the I don’t?”

Yours truly feels your pain Ms. Croft – I’m still rooting for you. Of course Ming the Merciless raised my cackles only due to the fact that one man’s treasure on Mongo is just not the same on Earth. It’s easy to see why Wayne and Stark are on the list – as well as Wonka but Scrooge McDuck and Richie Rich? Posers.

Forbes has also compiled a list of the top 25 fictional companies. Here are the listings and in (parenthesis) where they originate from…

1. Choam (Dune – Spice Mining)
2. ACME (Looney Tunes)
3. Sirius Cybernetics Corp. (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)
4. Momcorp (Futurama)
5. Rich Industries (Richie Rich)
6. Soylent Corp. (Soylent Green)
7. The Very Big Corporation of America (Monty Python)
8. Forbozz Co. (Zork – yeah baby!)
9. Warbucks Industries (Annie)
10. Tyrell Corp. (Blade Runner – “More Human than Human”)
11. Wayne Enterprises (Batman)
12. Virtucon (Dr. Evil’s Empire)
13. Globex (the Simpson’s)
14. Umbrella Corporation (Resident Evil)
15. Wonka Industries (Willie Wonka the Candy Man)
16. Stark Industries (Iron Man)
17. Clampett Oil (Beverly Hillbillies)
18. Oceanic Airlines (Lost)
19. YoYoDine Propulsion Systems (the Crying of Lot 49 – BUT I must confess I thought that it came from Buckaroo Banzai – Adventures Across the Eighth Dimension)
20. Cyberdine Systems Corp. (Terminator)
21. d’Anconia Copper (Atlas Shrugged)
22. Gringotts (Harry Potter)
23. Oscorp (Spiderman)
24. Nakatomi Trading Corp. (Die Hard – one of my favorite Christmas movies)
25. Spacely Space Sprockets (the Jetsons)

So what fictional characters or companies did they miss? Forbes wants to know. They’ve got about a year to reconsider the current standings.

I’m still rooting for Lara Croft.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Mele Kalikimaka

BRILLIANT!

Somewhere Bing Crosby is twirling.

Countin’ My Blessings

I know that this is not Thanksgiving but I just wanted to drop a line to myself here at Chicken Scratch to remind myself how incredibly blessed I am.

The Christmas Musical, Peace on Earth has one more performance on Christmas Eve. This also happens to be Chick 1.0’s birthday. She is going to be 15 tomorrow. Let me spell that one out – FIFTEEN. We’ve been blessed with great kids. We have a lot of fun and get into a lot of trouble. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Speaking of Peace on Earth – what a blessing. Seriously. It is an honor to be associated with the directors, choir members and tech crew. It’s not about how well we sing or dance or speak, it’s about the birth of Christ and sharing that with others. That is a blessing.

I’m not mechanically inclined but a good friend of mine from church is. He happened to have a used bicycle for Chick 2.0 and one for Chick 3.0. He and I re-greased the bearings and replaced the chain on Chick 1.0’s bike too. The kid’s are going to light up on Christmas morning (I can write this since they don’t frequent my blog – and due to the fact that Christmas is the day after tomorrow). Come springtime we will all be mobile. This has been an amazing blessing.

Then there are the completely unexpected blessings that have hit us recently – things that I will not go into too much depth here but wouldn’t be too hard to coax out of me over a decent cup of coffee.

I’m 39 and well aware that these are the best days of my life. I’m relatively healthy (to the best of my knowledge no open wounds or internal bleeding that direct pressure won’t cure) and so is the family. Come this April, Mother Hen and I will be celebrating out 18th wedding anniversary – and I still love the woman (more now than then). I get to write here on this blog, on puppet scripts each week, short stories, screenplays and the occasional novel. There’s a roof over our heads and a full docket of movies coming to the multiplex in 2008.

Life is good.

Oh I could dwell on the glass being half empty but why? I’ve only got a certain amount of days so why waste them with dreary conjecture over the future? I don’t know what’s around the corner but I do see what is in front of me right now.

I’d rather count my blessings.

Please forgive the sappiness factor of this blog entry, Gentle Reader – It was just something I had to do.

Peace

Friday, December 21, 2007

SHAMELESS PLUG


Tonight’s performance of Peace on Earth went very well. There are only two more shows, 12/22 & 12/24 (at 7:00 PM – Calvary Chapel Vineland is located at 930 North Main Rd., Vineland NJ 08360 – it’s next to the Rite-Aid across the street from Larry’s Restaurant.)

No pressure but if you can, come check it out.

North Pole - No It's NOT!

Santa's Coming!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Tickle Me Emo/Elmo - MAD TV


Forget the Wii – I want a Tickle Me EMO for Christmas!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

“The Leader of the Band is Tired and His Eyes are Growing Old”

Dan Fogelberg passed away this morning after losing a three-year battle with prostate cancer. He was 56 years old. Here is the announcement from his website: http://www.danfogelberg.com/news.html.

This is taken from his website...

Sunday, December 16
Dear friends,

Dan left us this morning at 6:00am . He fought a brave battle with cancer and died peacefully at home in Maine with his wife Jean at his side. His strength, dignity and grace in the face of the daunting challenges of this disease were an inspiration to all who knew him.

In May of 2004, Dan was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

A personal letter from D.F. (May of 2004)


I cannot adequately express my gratitude to all of the thousands of wonderful people who have sent such incredibly moving and supportive e-mails via the Living Legacy web site. It is truly overwhelming and humbling to realize how many lives my music has touched so deeply all these years. Each one of you who have taken the time and effort to reach out to Jean and I have helped immeasurably to uplift our spirits and keep us looking strongly forward during some very rough moments. I thank you from the very depths of my heart.

I currently have no plans to return to the concert stage or the recording studio in the foreseeable future, but who knows? At least for now, I prefer to keep my options open.

Again my deepest thanks and love to all,

Dan

Now for the sermon.

To each and every man....

I cannot encourage you strongly enough to get a DRE (Digital Rectal Exam) and a PSA (Prostate Specific Antigen) test EVERY YEAR.

The medical community suggests this for men over 50, but men with a family history of prostate cancer should start getting tested at age 40.

The PSA test is a simple blood test...it only takes a minute or two. The DRE, okay, every man squirms at the thought of this exam, but hey, it too takes only a minute or two, and IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE.

Prostate cancer can be very slow growing or very aggressive, but detected early while it is still confined to the prostate gland, it can usually be treated and cured successfully.

Once it spreads beyond the prostate it is called Advanced Prostate Cancer (PCa). At this point it becomes imminently more life threatening and harder to treat. Do yourself and your loved ones a huge favor and GET CHECKED REGULARLY. I promise you, you DON’T want to go through what I’m going through if you can avoid it.

Education and awareness are key, I urge you to follow the link below to the Prostate Cancer Foundation web site and read up on how best to protect yourself and reduce your likelihood of contracting this terrible disease.


His advice should be heeded GET AN EXAM.

Mr. Fogelberg wrote a lot of music that really touched yours truly; “The Leader of the Band” still brings tears to my eyes and “Longer” is, in my humble opinion, one of the finest love songs ever written. What can I say; I’m a bit of a softie.

His voice will be missed.

Thoughts and prayers go out to his friends and family at this time.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Peace on Earth the Musical


No pressure or anything BUT if you’re not too busy and want to enjoy an evening out away from the malls, Best Buy and Toys R Us stores swing on by Calvary Chapel Vineland on December 21, 22 and/or 24th at 7:00 PM. The Choir production is going multimedia this year and it’s gonna be fun.

We were initially going to go away for Christmas this year and yours truly was not going to participate. Our plans changed. I’m not trying out for American Idol or anything but if you want to see a singing, dancing, Christmas Story narratin’ Evil Chicken and Mother Hen come on down. Calvary Chapel Vineland is located at 930 North Main Rd., Vineland NJ 08360 – it’s next to the Rite-Aid across the street from Larry’s Restaurant.

Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Enter Sandman


Gentle Reader if this was the 23rd Century, the survivors of war, overpopulation and pollution would be living in a great domed city, sealed away from the forgotten world outside. Within the dome would be a completely ecologically balanced world and mankind would only be living driven by the pleasures that the central computer and the robotic servo-mechanisms, would provide.

But there is a catch. Life must be terminated at the age of 30, unless citizens are reborn in the fiery ritual of Carrousel!

Citizens would have a crystal implanted in their palms that would indicate their age; birth to 7 the color of the crystal would be yellow, 7 – 14 years Blue, 14 – 29 Red and Last Day would be Blinking Red. At the end of Last Day the crystal would be black signifying the fact that time is up. Some citizens would happily march to Carrousel – others would not. Those who would run would be tracked by the Deep Sleep Operatives or Sandmen. Once a Sandman finds a runner he “retires” them by tracking them down and making the kill.

You see, I’m a runner – still seeking Sanctuary. If this were the world of Logan’s Run as of today my palm crystal has been black for the last 9 years; I would have been running for the last 9 years. I’m turning into Peter Ustinov’s character from the film; a film that was released in 1976, when I was 8 years old.

I will have to whistle ‘Happy Birthday’ quietly; time is too short to wallow in the past and the Sandmen are converging on my location.

Time to keep running.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Old School Hollywood Squares


Kickin’ it Peter Marshal style, baaaabeeee.

I recently got this in a email from a friend of mine. I thought that I’d pass it along in case you haven’t seen it. I don’t usually spend too much time with email stuff but I thought this was cute.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette ): Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde : Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Now what channel is the Game Show Network on?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Is Print Dead Yet?


Well, no… not yet anyway. A part of me would miss the feel of a book. I mean really, what reader worth his or her salt doesn’t love that musty smell of old books or being spellbound; getting lost inside the pages of a good story? There is magic there – real magic. There are those who believe that the same enchantment can be had without the use of paper.

They might be onto something. For almost the last 600 years people have turned to the book as the preferred method of idea delivery. Well, the times they are a changin’. E Readers have been around for the last half dozen years or so but they have not really been the house of fire they have promised to be. Sloppy interfaces, copyright infringement, publishing companies, glossy screens have all made the transition from page to screen bumpy. Enter the Kindle from Amazon (amazon.com; that is) > http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FI73MA/ref=amb_link_6003602_2?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1RYY06HGSKSRT1H05PCR&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=337021901&pf_rd_i=507846.

Pretty cool, no? Having a library at your fingers wherever you go, wireless – always on technology, access to newspapers, periodicals and blogs, not to mention the 100,000 plus novels that are available for download. It’s possible to email yourself Word documents and pictures and there is free wireless access to my favorite second brain, Wikipedia. This little $400.00 number looks to be the next step in making this a paperless world – at least if Jeff Bezos has his way.

Who is Jeff Bezos? Good question. He’s the entrepreneur who envisioned the concept of Amazon; the 900 lbs. gorilla when it comes to online warehouse shopping. Amazon knows one or two things about books and how they are disseminated to the reading public. He’s carved a niche out into a billion dollar industry and now he’s got revolution on his mind. Here’s the Full Monty on the subject; it’s a really good article > http://www.newsweek.com/id/70983/page/1.

There’s always going to be a need for paper but in the future apart from legal documents, shopping bags, toileting purposes and the occasional book collector who enjoys that old musty smell of bound books – it’s days just may be numbered.

Would Franklin and Gutenberg be rolling in their graves? I doubt it – I think they’d both be bloggers and eager to play with whatever new crease technology would allow them to express themselves; their ideas and ideals through.

…Yeah, those two would have Kindles, but then again, so would I if I could afford it.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Casting Call for “Sorrow Hill”


Have you always wanted to try your hand at acting but never had the opportunity? Gentle Reader, if you have answered yes to this question then I suggest that YOU check this out: http://www.grindhouse-pictures.com/index.html and click on the casting info section to the left.

Ron is a good guy and a talented storyteller. His company Grindhouse Pictures is in pre-production mode for “Sorrow Hill”. He’s having a casting call on December 15th, at the Vineland Ramada Inn at 10:00 AM. If you would like to participate via an audition it would behoove you to drop him an email.

I can’t wait for the premier!

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Any Eagles Fans Out There?

BTW this has nothing to do with Philadelphia football and everything to do with a musical group; if you are disappointed skip to the next blog on your list. Thanks for stopping by.

Are you still with me, Gentle Reader? Good.

I would like to go on record – I love the Eagles; I always have. No need to go into gory details – let’s just say I’m a fan. We (Mother Hen and I) had tickets to see them the last time they toured but the show was cancelled. We have seen Don Henley, though. Great show.

Anyway, I know that it’s probably just a sign of getting older but today’s music has turned into nothing but product for yours truly. I often wonder where the melody went. I’ve speculated over this issue on Chicken Scratch, mind you (check out "Video Killed the Radio Star" from 08/30/07). While I found some decent radio stations for the most part I’ve been forced to talk radio. Well I am happy to report harmony and accord in music are not yet extinct. Proof of this fact was documented with the October 30, ’07 release of “Long Road Out of Eden” where after a 28-year hiatus the Eagles have a new double album (yeah, that’s right, I said it – album) of studio material.

Nice.

There’s an intelligence to their lyrics as well as a harmony to their sound. Here’s a snippet from a Billboard interview with Don Henley if you don’t believe me; Glen Frey is there too if you click at the bottom of the page. http://billboard.com/bbcom/feature/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003658087

You revisit some of those themes on "Frail Grasp on the Big Picture," where I was sorry to hear that journalism is dead and gone.

It's not completely dead and gone, of course. Obviously, there are still people out there who are trying to do a good job and trying to keep some integrity in the work. But for every one of those people, there are 20 or 30 more that are just in it for... I don't know what. Again, that is part of the cultural junk. The interesting phenomenon in this age is you turn on the news on the television or on the computer and you see all these very serious stories, like the war in Iraq, people dying and people being killed, and children being abducted and murdered. And then here comes "Entertainment Tonight" and "Access Hollywood" and "Hollywood Insider" and all this crap. Same thing when you go [online], you see [these stories] side by side, and we seem to give equal weight to both. Sometimes the trivial crap seems to get more weight and more coverage than the important stuff.

The coverage of this war has been, for the most part, nonexistent, except what the military wants us to hear and what the White House wants us to hear and see. That's what's appalling to me. I don't really want to hear any more about Britney Spears. I don't really want to see the trainwreck.

It's just a continuation of stuff that I've been harping on for a long time now: the dumbing down of our culture and the dumbing down of reporting, and the abbreviation of everything because people's attention spans are so short. Everything is edited and chopped and shortened, from music videos to news pieces. And there's no time or place for in-depth analysis of anything, or reasonable discussion, reasoned dialogue. It's just people yelling at one another. Everything is about confrontation and controversy and sensationalism. There are no quiet voices. The quiet voices of reason get drowned out and stomped on.


Wow. Sanity and a tune you can hum? Welcome back.

Now if I could only grow my hair long (or any) again life would be complete. See you down the Seven Bridges Road.

Lunch Break

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; those guys from Waverly Films are having way too much fun.

More Dust

We’re moving through the Templates at a feverish pace.

I sort of like the lighthouse.

We'll see if it sticks. Embrace the change... Change is good.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Dame Julie Andrews @ 69

A friend of ours sent this to Mother Hen. I don’t usually horse around with email stories such as this but I kind of dig this one. This must either be a few years old (since she is now, according to IMDB, 72 years-old) or just plain bogus. I hope that there is some truth in it.

Herein lies the tale… “Julie Andrews turned 69 – to commemorate her 69th birhday on October 1, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan’s Radio City Music Hall for a benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was “My Favorite Things” from the legendary movie “The Sound of Music.” Here are the actual lyrics she used:

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings. Bundles of magazines tied up in string, these are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, when the bones creak, when the knees go bad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions, No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions, Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin', Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin', And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames, When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim, Then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad.


Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.”

She’s a class act.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Christmas at the Multiplex 2007


So you’ve opened the presents and are digesting your turkey and/or ham and want to know what to do next? Gentle Reader, a trip to the local multiplex may be your ticket to holiday bliss. Here’re some of the movies that yours truly is looking forward to this Christmas movie season…

“The Golden Compass”, December 7th. I’ve never read any of the books that this is based on but the movie’s marketing campaign is trying to paint itself as the latest epic. I’m all right with that. The kids are interested even though spin has been a little lack luster. We shall see.

“I Am Legend”, December 14th. Based on the novella by Richard Matheson of Twilight Zone fame. This will be the third time that it is being produced for the big screen. The first time Vincent Price played the lead, second was Charlton Hesston – now it’s Will Smith and I cannot wait. I’m in the mood for a good popcorn movie at Christmas time and this promises to fit the bill.

“Sweeny Todd – The Demon Barber of Fleet Street”, December 21st. Johnny Depp and Tim Burton together again on the big screen. Their collaborations are magic. No doubt I’m buying a ticket. Not for kids.

“National Treasure: Book of Secrets”, December 21st. I enjoyed the first one in all its campy glory and this one looks like fun too. It’s an action flick for the whole family.

“The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep”, December 25th. Bring the kids. It should be good for an undisturbed nap after eating all that food. The kid’s will love it though.

“Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem”, December 25th. This almost didn’t make the list since there’s no way I’m going to the theater to see this and will instead wait for the DVD. Nothing says Christmas Time like two alien species trying to eviscerate each other – if memory serves this was the plot of “White Christmas” too.

Since I’ve been doing Atkins I’m skipping the popcorn and going exclusively for the butter. Next year, at this time, I’ll be basking in the glow that will be the newest installment of the Star Trek franchise. This year, these will have to do.

I’ll see you in line!

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Evil Floating Head

Who doesn’t like a good folksong?

I love these guys from Waverly Films. They are having too much fun.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Evel Knievel- (www.kingof thestuntmen.co.uk)R.I.P



Evel is dead. No not me, I’m “Evil” with an “I” the third letter in. Come to think of it if it were I this little blog entry wouldn’t be happening (would it?). There is plenty of Evil to go around these days but there was and will only ever be one Evel Knievel. Here are the details of his passing…

Obituary



As a child of the seventies I grew up with Mohammad Ali in the boxing ring, the Harlem Globetrotters playing basketball and Evel Knievel jumping Lord knows what on that Harley Davidson of his. I have never been a big sports guy but my family and I would eagerly gather around our small TV to watch ABC’s “Wide World of Sports” whenever any of those three events were involved. It was as sure as the tide. To me these three examples – these specimens, were the epitome of sport. You could keep the World Series and the Superbowl – it meant nothing if Ali, the Globetrotters or Evel Knievel were holding court on that small TV with the broken volume tuner and separate UHF dial.

One of my absolute favorite toys growing up had to be the Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle from Ideal Toys. Do you remember the one? There was a gyroscopic motor in the little motorcycle that you cranked up with a plastic ramp/gear. The motor would begin to whine the harder you cranked until BAM! The motorcycle took off barreling down the hallway in all its scaled down horsepower glory; the little bendy Evel Knievel figure holding on for dear life all the way to my home made ramp or whatever other disastrous stunt I had planned.

Yesterday evening he let go.

My thoughts and prayers are with his friends and family.